After 21 years, she has become less into sex as far as her involvement, hygene, weight and attitude. I have tried everything under the sun to get her to give sex some effort. She demands that I be attracted while giving me the worst of her (on purpose). It has been with a great sense of loss but I have given up on sex. I don't need it anymore and don't even like it. It in't fulfilling or pleasurable the way she does it. So how do I get her to expect the results of her actions. Example... If I don't pay my mortgage the bank will take the house. If she doesn't try to do anything to arrouse me, then why can't she just accept that I am not into sex anymore. I could be, but I can have a raging woody and when she comes near... bye-bye... she is such a turn off... and let me preempt your 'talk about it' comments. I have read every book, been to professional counselors and tried litterally hundreds of ways of presenting this to her. She gets pissed and says, "Jills husband doesnt need that!"
2006-10-23 00:00:51 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just withhold sex. You don't want it anyway. If she still wants sex with you, make her WORK for it! Don't give in unless she's clean, etc. She should have respect for your wants and needs, she isn't the only one with feelings, right?
2006-10-23 00:58:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this issue is caused by both of you. You complain that she is heavy, has a attitude about her and her hygene is not good, What is causing the attitude? what has happened to her for her hygene to slip is it because she is not shaving anymore? Or not preparing it to your liking? you on the other hand do seem to expect that you wife is going to be the same after all these years? If you want young and pretty do your wife a favour and leave to find some one more to you liking but just remmber what you wife looked liked when you married her and why you married her in the first place, if she says such and such's husband dosn't need that just tell her good for him but you are not him, your needs and wants are diffrrent.
2006-10-23 00:12:34 · answer #2 · answered by ozi_nut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, Jill's husband does need that! Try something,this will take some effort since you said you don't seem attracted to her! Make her feel sexy,but don't start in the bedroom, send her a sexy email or text message, pat her on the butt before you leave for work or kiss her on the neck! Call her out of the blue and make a few suggestive remarks! Sex doesn't start in the bedroom it starts way before that and if you feel sexy then you act sexy which leads into good sex! Try it you might be surprised! Good luck!
2006-10-23 00:15:15 · answer #3 · answered by kelley1031 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Me thinks you are comparing her with too many younger women and even women of her age. Try to find the best in her and see her in a different light. As soon as you start looking around, you mentally paint a picture of what arouses you. Just close your eyes and dream. You could be ruining your own pleasure by your expectations.
2006-10-23 00:06:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, you say you have tried all kinds of alternative solutions. There are only two choces left, apparently: If you love her, work it out; If you don't, get a divorce and find a woman that you are attracted to. No sense in sitting there and commplaining. Plenty of other fish in the sea.
2006-10-23 00:18:25 · answer #5 · answered by Jack P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her to take a shower with you and get all sudsy and start foreplay.
Then, if you can't do it in the shower, do it on the floor or go back into the bedroom.
if that doesn't work, tell her exactly what you want her to do. Tell her it takes the effort of two to make it work
2006-10-23 01:14:14 · answer #6 · answered by wayouthere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've tried everything and it didn't work so you gave up and think you don't need it?
You are commiting the ultimate mistake lying to yourself.
Chances are you are lying to her as well.
This sounds like you have not given up on sex you have given up on her.
Its time to sort out sex from the person.
2006-10-23 00:33:56 · answer #7 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to focus on the bigger issue which is the demise of you marriage.Sex is just one component of marriage.If there is a problem with that then its a symptom on a bigger problem.I think that when you find what the true problem is then you can fix the rest
2006-10-23 01:59:04 · answer #8 · answered by plumcouch30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame you for being turned off by her, she sounds like a sexual nightmare ! Tell her the absolute truth why she doesn't turn you on, if after a few months there's no improvement in her hygiene, weight, etc then leave her, sounds harsh but it's your only option.
2006-10-23 01:10:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let her know how unattractive she is, just once. Sometimes you have to be mean. Let her know that she has let herself go and don't try to sooth her. It may take a couple of weeks of not being... affectionate. But if she cares about you she will eventually try to regain herself. Is she depressed?
2006-10-23 01:56:03 · answer #10 · answered by nokey4eva2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋