My parents split a year ago, but my father was really abusive to my mom and Severly abusive (emotionaly) to me. Yet somehow I still really miss him- anyone got a clue about what I should do?????
2006-10-22 23:45:22 · 11 answers · asked by Mindy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No-one has the right to abuse another person. When a person abuses another person, especially a family memeber it means they need to have power over the other person. You said you were emotionally abused by your father, therefore he would have put you down a lot. He would have made you feel less than worthless. You would have been trying to prove yourself time and time again because he would never approve or accept you as an important person.
Do you really miss him, or is it because you dont have any self esteem because of the abuse and you need to feel accepted by him? I will tell you now, he will never change unless he gets some professional help and the more you have to do with him the less you are going to feel about yourself.
You need counselling yourself which will help you deal with your parents divorce. It will also help you to accept that your father was totally in the wrong and did not have the right to do what he did to either you or your mother. You need to find your personal power. You need to start to feel good about yourself because the abuse your father laid on you would have a terrible effect on you. You are a worthwhile person and until your father gets some professional help, then I really would hate to see you associate with your father because you will only get more of the same and your self esteem will go even further down. He may be nice to you in the beginning, but it will only be time before he will start the emotional abuse over again, and maybe it could even turn to physical abuse. You need to become strong and I strongly suggest that you go and get some counselling. Please dont make a mistake because it will be you who will suffer in the long run. If your father gets professional help then that will be a different matter, but until he does then you are putting yourself at risk by having anything to do with him.
I know its hard and that is why I have suggested you get some counselling, and I suggest you do it quickly because you are obviously suffering and are confused. Be kind to yourself, you dont need an abusive person in your life, father or no father. Fathers are not supposed to abuse their wives and children...he has a problem that only he can fix. You cant help him. All you can do is help yourself right now.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
2006-10-23 00:12:27 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I'm sorry you had to go thru this. No none should have to experience abuse or betrayal by the 2 people you should be able to count in life.
Because it is such a close bond that has been damaged, you won't find any quick and easy solutions. You will probably need to get counseling to help you find your way.
One thing to remember that may help - just because someone gives birth to you (or contributes to your genetic makeup) does not make them a good person, or a person that you can have a healthy relationship with. You have to accept that - and decide what, if any, relationship you can handle.
Good luck.
2006-10-23 07:08:49 · answer #2 · answered by cathy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My childhood was terrible as it seems yours was. however, I have come to realize that I cannot hold a grudge. Life moves on and so have I. My father and I have an awesome relationship now where when I was a child NOT. My mother never split and yes he was physically and mentally abusive to her. However, he has changed not 100% but probably 75% I realized that I still want him in my life and as long as he is no longer abusive to you why not?
2006-10-23 07:08:36 · answer #3 · answered by athomemommy_4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, this is a very close subject to my heart. My father was the same way. After we moved out I went back over to his house and I told him off. I was yelling and cussing and crying, but I told him everything that was on my mind and told him everything he ever did to me. After that he seem to get better for a minute, but he soon went back to his normal self.
I tried having a relationship with him, but he just kept up his normal stuff of abuse. I haven't talk to my dad now for about 3-4 yrs and I do miss him, but I am also happier in my life because I don't have him pulling me down anymore.
It is up to you, but you could try telling him off, yours might be different from mine, he may see the error of his ways. BUT most men who are like that, never think anything is their fault, so he probably won't. What ever you decided, I wish you all the best, good luck!
2006-10-23 11:10:24 · answer #4 · answered by la_southern_femme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot stop having feelings for a parent. Maybe you should talk to him about your issues with him and see if it is possible to patch things up and have an adult relationship.
By the way, physical abuse is abuse. Unless he berated you frequently and pointed out things like your worthlesness, be very careful with the emotional abuse tag.
2006-10-23 07:27:16 · answer #5 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will carry the pain with you throughout your life, however, if you want to keep any type of relationship with your dad, you will need to accept him as he is, with all of his imperfections, and leave it at that. don't expect him to change.
Just don't let him get too close to you as to abuse you further. Draw the line at that.
Forgiveness is the only way to free yourself. You will still grieve the good parts of him. Unless he was totally bad, you will grieve the good.
2006-10-23 08:28:57 · answer #6 · answered by wayouthere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His actions stem from his own childhood. Perhaps his father was abusive towards his mother. Stand up to him in a respectful sort of way, tell him how you feel, write him a letter if you can't say it to him directly. In time, you may even forgive him.
2006-10-23 06:56:57 · answer #7 · answered by jammer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Continue to maintain contact with him and be nice to him. Normally there are no differences between parents and children visavis between the parents themselves.
2006-10-23 06:49:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my dad was an abusive alcoholic, to my family and myself, i relised he doesnt deserve my time for the way he treated us.
2006-10-23 06:49:40 · answer #9 · answered by melanie_loves_terence 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get counseling.
2006-10-23 08:34:45 · answer #10 · answered by nanny2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋