Okay, I know she's a pensioner but it must have cost her more to post the cheap plastic keyring that it did to buy it. She works in a charity shop and often buys us really awful presents. We always chuck them away, say thank you and try to appreciate the thought. However, there clearly is no thought in this birthday present. I'd rather she didn't waste her money. How do I tell her this without causing offence? By the way, she buys her other grandaughter my niece,things like dolls and remote controlled robots. She is hampered by having to pay postage. Her presents are now getting insulting in their cheapness, especially as I know she is passing money to my brother, who has a drug habit. I'd rather she just didn't bother anymore. By the way, I am generous - always giving her money. She also works part time.
2006-10-22 23:29:09 · 17 answers · asked by True Blue Brit 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I'm not expecting big presents. A pen or a pair of socks would be useful! But a cheap novelty keyring! There's clearly no thought in it at all.
2006-10-22 23:42:05 · update #1
I've clearly not worded this well. My mother spends money on my brother and his family - and although I don't like it, I accept it. I don't think she means to be offensive - she's just not thinking straight. I'd rather she sent nothing at all - why should my daughter be so insulted?
There are manyother issues here - my mother is insanely religious and believes that boys are superior to girls. I believe that she doesn't realise how offensive she is and I don't want actually to cause a rift. I'm looking for a way to say "Please don't bother - it's obvious you can't afford it" without causing bad feeling.
And Brad - would you repeat that to my face? It's nice being able to insult people without having to bear the consequences, isn't it?
2006-10-22 23:59:57 · update #2
No Chefling, I would never say that to my daughter. I always say things like: it's the thought that counts!
But this time, she just looked at it and put it down - it really was awful. Her disappointment was clear. Certainly not worth collecting. She's 11. Children should learn to deal with disappontment. but I am outraged on her behalf.
BTW my mother was outraged when my grandmother gave me a cheap pen for my birthday!
2006-10-23 00:14:56 · update #3
Whilst I can see your point here and would agree it is frustrating that she is mean when it comes to giving your child presents etc whilst splashing out on the other side of the family - I think you need to take into account that at least she makes the effort - and at the end of the day it IS the thought that counts. She could just as easily send nothing.
But then taking into account that its upsetting your daughter perhaps the best way of dealing with it is to ring her before an birthday or xmas or whatever arrives and tell her that whilst you appreciate her thoughtfulness in gifts (lie!) that your daughter has an eye on a certain thing for her birthday and youthought she might like to buy her this as its a really wanted gift - or would she like to contribute a monetary donation towards a gift for your daughter.
At the end of the day - you cant come across as being ungrateful or obnoxious regarding these presents as like I said - I know many a grandparent that would never even know it was their grand daughters/daughter in laws/whatever birthday! xx
2006-10-23 01:09:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Caesar's wife,
You don't say how old your daughter is, I really hope that if she is young you don't say any of these things in front of her, you say you throw the gifts away, is it you or your daughter? I am sure your daughter loves her grand mother, and to receive gifts of any shape or size may mean an awful lot to her.
Have you got a better life than your sister,( you say your brother has a drug problem), Have you a lovely home, husband and all the trappings that go with it. If so perhaps your mother feels your sister's daughter needs a little extra. Perhaps you are stronger than your siblings.
Why not tell your mother your daughter is saving for something in particular and she would appreciate some money for birthdays/christmas, any small amount perhaps a postal order she can put into her bank account, which she could include in with a card. By the way my eldest daughter up to about twelve collected keyrings from around the world, plastic or otherwise were always gratefully received.
2006-10-23 07:03:14 · answer #2 · answered by chefling 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't waste my energy saying anything about the gift but if you really don't want the presents she is sending, why don't you thank her and tell her nicely that a card will do and to save her money and buy herself something instead.
If it is the real problem is the fact that she treats your brother in a different way to you and your family, (I know I've been there) don't let it wind you up, it's not worth it, just concentrate on your own family and their health and happiness.
JJ
2006-10-23 06:37:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is just what happens sometimes people forget how old people are. My aunts used to buy me toys even when I was 18. Just accept the gift and say thank you after all life is not all about money. If you are worried I would suggest that you buy a gift for your daughter and wrap it up and say it is to make up for getting such a cheap present!!!!
2006-10-23 06:43:11 · answer #4 · answered by Fox Hunter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello Wifey,
Actually I have had a similar experience but not as drastic. In my family i have always been the passive accepting one, And because when my children were young we didn't have much we have always 'made do'. My older middle sister how ever always strives to have better (which is her personality, and i love her) So people have always tried to please her, whilst they know i receive what they give me lol plus i have simple taste. So it may be that you are looked on as being appreciative and understanding. Where as the other part of the family are brought more expensive things because she feels she has to earn their affection. This may or may not be true, i hope it helps xx
I used to love the fact that when my Nan was alive we used to get her all sorts of gifts, and within the family she used to give them all back to us at Christmas and birthdays, and sometimes she used to forget who gave them to her and actually give your own gift back. OHHHHHHH I MISS THAT LOVELY LADY, she was just like Ireney Handle. Used to get all her words mixed up and go through a load of names before she got to mine lol loll That's my lovely Nan for you.
One day I reckon your going to appreciate these funny little presents. I would love my nan to be here and still doing that. xx
2006-10-23 06:58:18 · answer #5 · answered by : 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Elderly people can be very strange about presents. I'm in my thirties and I was given a second hand edition of Pollyanna for my birthday recently.
The things is, there is an outside chance that she thinks her gifts are appropriate and will be appreciated, and telling her not to bother anymore could really hurt her feelings.
If you possibly can, I think you should just laugh it off - there really are more important things to worry about.
2006-10-23 06:33:57 · answer #6 · answered by Hello Dave 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not say anything about the gifts. I would stop giving her the money. What is it hurting for her to give you the gift? It is no skin off your nose. It may hurt your feeling that your daughter is getting slighted since the other granddaughter gets better gifts but I think it is wrong for you to tell her to stop sending them.
2006-10-23 06:39:07 · answer #7 · answered by Captain Comment 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To keep the peace in the familly it would be best to open any gifts sent to you daughter first and see what they are and if you don't like them toss them..better her to not see them than to think it was a really cheap gift.
what she does with the rest of the family doesn't make any difference. like you said the cost of mailing gifts to you might be to much for her.. Maybe she is trying to tell you she wants you to move closer. so that she can give you the proper gifts that you deserve..
you could always send it back if you don't like it..
2006-10-23 06:35:44 · answer #8 · answered by Sandy F 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you need to stop helping her out by giving her money. She is not helping your brother by giving him the money and that is probably where it's going.
Then tell her you'll understand if she is unable to get gifts anymore and just having her visit is nice.
Good Luck and Be Strong
2006-10-23 06:41:42 · answer #9 · answered by kitt_kattkitt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in her day, this was probably a really good pressie!
dont knock it! or you wont get nothing!
least she is getting you lot something! she probably aint got the money to go out and get a psp for a bday pressie!
Everyone seems so selfish lately!
wait till she has died then you will realise how fvcking pathetic this is!!
Dont hurt her feelings over this sh1t!
~~~~WELL FVCKING SAID KAZBAZ!!!~~~~
2006-10-23 06:33:20 · answer #10 · answered by Fader's Girl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋