Is it wrong when a parent has hurt you so deeply you feel nothing for them at all?

Question

A mother turned her head away from sexual abuse when the police could have been called and stopped the entire situation. But was afraid it would cause "the neighbors to talk". Years later, she claimed she knew nothing about it (denial had set in), and the last time I brought it up the response was "you wanted it and so you got what you deserved". I was 9 years old. Almost 50 now.

Answer 1

ok, been there done that. And have alot of people tell me."you only have one mother" "you should forgive" etc etc. I have been told i am a horrible person for leaving my mother behind. The guilt was pretty bad. But who has walked in my shoes, or your shoes. When an abuser cannot admit to wrong doing, how do you forgive that? How do you have a healthy relationship with someone that would rather be in denial that to admit and help you both heal? I myself have not seen my mother in 6 years, no contact at all. And ive decieded that doesn't make me a bad person. Squeltching your own feelings and hurts to keep a relationship is not love. You become a victim again. This is just my thoughts tho.

Answer 2

No!!! it is not wrong to feel this way. you were a child and she let you down in the worst way that a parent could ever hurt a child. and what she did/didn't do has caused far greater harm than the pervert, who molested you.
It was NOT your fault. Honey, get some help through a support group. You'd be surprised how many people have had the same experience.
My mentally challanged cousin was molested by his younger half brother. Nothing was done about it---for the same reason that your mother gave: the neighbors might talk. Unbelievable.
It has split the family in two.

Answer 3

I am so sorry you had to grow up with that, I know how much it hurts, and how much it pisses you off that she did nothing. I believe it has something to do with the way they were raised. Its sad really, and now that they realize that times have changed and they were wrong not to defend.. well then they try to put the blame on us.. Well you didnt deserve what happened, and you definately didnt want it. Don't let her shame of not handling this properly be what drags you down. You might consider some counseling and even one day trying to forgive. Hate and resentment only end up hurting you in the end.. eating at you like a rotten spot that eats from the inside out. And no its not wrong to feel nothing, but it is wrong not to work on healing.. even if it is your own heart.

She regrets her decision but doesnt have the courage to admit she was wrong.

Answer 4

I went through sexual abuse as a child - so I sympathize. I also understand you rejecting your parents. It is hard to accept parents who have mistreated you.
The thing is that you are better than they are. You need not love them - but you can take care of them as needed. Deep emit ions for them is out of question - you cannot forget - but forgiving could be possible.

I thought I'd add this - the perpetrator of my molestation could get away because he could threaten that my very strict parents would be upset with me if I told anyone. So I really understand your anger. But in life if you live with bitterness it hurts you. You cannot get cozy with your mother, but give up the anger, for yourself.

Answer 5

abuse always makes the victim feel degraded, and if your own parent never makes an effort to make that feeling go away, then it tells you something about that parent.your mother is/was wrong, nothing she says will make how she reacted then right but a simple apology sometimes is all one needs to move on with life,so if you feel nothing for your mother it is because she has hardened her heart towards the issue whilst the issue still bothers you.forgive her not for her freedom but for yours.hatred makes you your own prison, prisoner and own guards so just forgive her in your heart and let her suffer on her own!!!!your conscious will be free!!!!

Answer 6

of course it's not wrong to not feel anything for her. just like when someone cares about you alot etc. etc. that somewhat influences your feelings about them, so in your situation, look at the way she was acting, so it's natural to feel apathetic towards her, yes she is your mother, but mothers and parents in general have a responsibility for their children and obvioulsy she has not carried it out. and for the comment that she made, she is just protecting herself, she knows in her heart that she was aware of the situation, of course you know that you're not at fault, she should feel guilty for the rest of her life that she didn't do anything to help her 9 year old child from beingsexually abused....

Answer 7

No it's not wrong. Although, it's hard for me to say if it's a normal reaction, I do understand. Me and my mother's relationship is none existent because of hardships she put me through, and like you, I don't feel much for her. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

Answer 8

Whoever this mother is, she is a very sick and cruel woman. I think any woman that doesn't protect her child from abuse, is just as responsible as the abuser, they should both be hung.

Answer 9

you didnt choose your mother, so its not wrong to hate her and even rid her from your life. she should have helped you. she will answer for her actions one day. you should forgive just so that you can free yourself from that pain.
it was not your fault at all and a 9 year old doesnt bring anything on like that.

Answer 10

i'm so sorry that you had to go through this . some times mom's just don't know what they would do if the family was to break up from this where would she go with you kids and she would lose her husband . they are just terrified so they stay just don't pass it on to your kids . a person i knew had his daughter confront him and he had a heart attact . went to prison mom disowned her and he was killed in prison