I am a 36 year old Dad who has a 6 year old son. I have never missed a visit with him in 5 years and since my divorce from his mom. I have never missed a child support payment, I live two miles from him and only get to see him every other weekend. I have 5 days off a week, my ex- has 2 and relies on child care. Been to court twice and both times I have been told I can't have anymore time with him. Why? I am sick of the "this is in the best interest of the child" speech. Are Dad's not important in a kids life? My ex refuses to budge and says I see him enough, and besides he should be with her because children belong with their mothers more. I am proud to say, I have never been in jail, don't use drugs, don't drink, never had a domestic incident of any type. I live in a great neighborhood, have a great job and a wonderful wife. HELP! Advice? Support? I'm at my wits end. Family law attorneys are a money pit in what appears to be a completeley biased system.
2006-10-22 19:53:14 · 9 answers · asked by jeffzster 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Like many women, your ex treats your son like a possession.True, family courts are biased but slowly evolving. In fact society is as well. It still amazes me that some women still think that a child is best in the Mom's care even if she is a drug addict, poor parent etc. Ideally, children should have both parents equal in their lives but it does require a lot of patience with the other parent to make it work.
Hats off to you being such a good Dad. Don't be disheartened with the lack of success to date. I think children under 5 do need a mothers touch and the courts support such. Once in grade school, the child's needs change somewhat and once again as they hit junior high. Consult a good lawyer and ask how they think you might succeed in getting equal shared and parenting of your son. In the meanwhile, attend and support his school activities, maybe even volunteer at the school and attend any sports he might be involved in. But remember, it unfortunately costs you to fight for your rights and the courts are biased.
2006-10-22 20:16:45 · answer #1 · answered by Cdn_Superdave 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a great dad! Check up any sites or groups in the area you live for support. I am sure you will meet a dad who got an attorney that did not cost a fortune.
However, if your wife is a good mother and takes good care of your son why not let her have him? It all comes down to the child's welfare & so I don't think going into courts will be good for him. Ok, you do have more time on your hands & more money but if he is happy with the current arrangement why waste money & time? Kids want to be happy , away from courts & the grief that comes with it.
2006-10-22 21:14:44 · answer #2 · answered by marissa 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My fiance is in the same boat as you. He only sees his son every other weekend and every friday. The ***** of an ex refuses to budge.
Being with the father only every other weekend is NOT in the best interests of the child. I'm assuming that your son is in school, as he is 6 years old.
http://www.nolopress.com/ is an EXCELLENT website for dads. PLEASE go visit it. They can give you helpful information and ways to fight your ex in court. They have articles that you can print out that show how the father is just as important as the mother.
You sound like a good father, and there's a special place in hell reserved for women who hold their children from a person like you.
Good luck to you!!
ps--When your son is 8 years old, depending on the state you live in, he will have more say as to who he spends time with. The courts will listen to him. I know that that is two years away, but it's something to think about.
2006-10-22 20:25:24 · answer #3 · answered by Bachman-ette 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have five days off a week??
Wow
I agree with you, why can't you have more time. And I also know the legal system sucks big time.
What if you are his babysitter while his mom works? That would keep him with both of you on those days. And it would save her child care costs.
You sound like a great guy, I am sorry this has happened. Your son will grow up knowing how much you love him. You are more of a dad part time than most guys are when they are home 24/7
2006-10-22 20:27:51 · answer #4 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you know when I hear things like this, which I do frequently I think of how much I would gladly break someones legs or worse, anyways even though I know it wouldn't do any good and I am sorry for your situation, your ex sounds like a rotten person anyways, hopefully for you things will change in time and I wish you the best but unfortunately I have no real advice for you other than to just give it more time, I know you are missing your son and watching him grow up and all, just be patient because that is all you can do, and when you do get to see your son make sure you let him know that you wish you could be spending more time with him, let him know that it is not the way you want things
2006-10-22 19:59:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My friend is a great mother who just recently lost her two boys to their father. She is so depress right now, cause he is an a** hole. I don't understand why she lost, but if that was me, i would have never fought for custody, i would make a deal with their father so that our kids would be happy with both parents. I don't understand why either parent would keep their kids from one another. The kids need both parents, and the parents are all grown up already and they should have realized that. They need to keep their hatred to themselves and think about the kids. Those judges don't know sh*t about your life, they're just doing what sounds right, and to tell you the truth, they shouldn't have the right to tell you what to do with your kids. You really need to talk to your ex, and work something out, what ever you did to make her so angry with you, just apologize, if it was your fault.
2006-10-22 20:11:04 · answer #6 · answered by Girlish 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your ex-wife doesnt want your child near your new wife, i guarantee you that is what it is. I would just go over, and visit with him, as much as you can, & take him to the park even if its an hour out of a day. Who cares what your ex thinks.
2006-10-22 19:59:20 · answer #7 · answered by ~*Jenny*~ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i just wanted to commend you on being a true father and wanting time with your child there are lots of men out there that dont care about their child/children. i wish you the best of luck
2006-10-22 19:58:56 · answer #8 · answered by mela26 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please leave your ex-wife alone. I know how she feels. You have yr new wife, you're happy with your life. All she has are yr kids. Let her be happy with them.
2006-10-22 20:30:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋