my boyfriend(my former fiance) did some things to break my trust, and we're trying to work things out now, but I find myself always worryin about him betrayin my trust again.
2006-10-22 18:49:37 · 12 answers · asked by Bee 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The problem here is that many people don't know how to appreciate forgiveness, some people tend to think that if you forgive them for something bad they did, it's because it really didn't affect you or what they did to you wasn't such a bad thing after all.
In my opinion this is a very delicate matter, forgiveness is good a thing specially in a relationship, but unfortunately when we get hurt or we have our trust broken it's very easy to forgive the sinner (usually a person we love or care about, which we don't want to lose) but deep inside of us, we rarely forgive the sin .
That's why it is so hard to regain the trust, we might forgive hurtful words, lies, deceit, betrayal and many other things that could've hurt us but the thing is that as much as we try, we never forget they way those things made us feel and we get literally traumatized just with the possiblity of feeling it again.
I think we all deserve a second chance, be direct and clear, let him know that what he did has hurt you and affected your trust in him and that you expect it won't happen again. Just remember that there is a limit for everything, I agree that is good to forgive, but with a limit, as I told you, some people don't appreciate forgiveness and have no idea of how much it takes to get over certain things sometimes, give it another shot, maybe he's sincerely sorry for what he's done, but just don't allow your relationship to turn into an endless chain of forgiveness for people that maybe are not sorry at all for what they do.
Hope everything turns out ok.
good luck, take care.
2006-10-22 20:35:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing with my fiance. Last year, we were separated for three months. It's taken a while, and there are still periods where I don't trust him, but they're not as often as before. What we did is we tell each other where we're going to be. That sounds kinda lame, I know, but it helps. If he's rolling to a friend's house after work, he tells me. If I am stopping by my parent's house before I come home, I let him know--so that he doesn't worry.
Listen to what you want. Is it the relationship that you don't want to let go of, or is it the guy? Or is it both? Do your best to work things out, but if you are with someone that you don't trust, it won't work out. It won't be your fault. You cannot change the way you feel. But, God willing, you will learn. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that you can learn to trust him again.
2006-10-22 19:02:21 · answer #2 · answered by Bachman-ette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, my husband did some things behind my back that made me so mad, and depress, that i will never trust him again, and he doesn't like the fact that i don't trust him anymore, but thats just too bad, cause he doesn't give me a reason to trust him again. But you know, we still love each other, even without trust. Its not the fact that you can't trust, its the fact that you can forget it ever happen....you don't even have to forgive either. It'll take awhile for you to forget it, but i don't think anyone can ever really forgive that person.
2006-10-22 19:31:24 · answer #3 · answered by Girlish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Darling, there is only one way for you to regain his trust! If you are prepared to give things a second chance you must be prepared for the worse! I dont mean to freak you out, but if he has hurt you in the past there is a chance he may do it again. But if you dont give him a 2nd chance as you are you will never know if you can trust him or not! Good luck!
2006-10-22 18:53:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is not something that can be learned it is something that must be gained. i suggest you give him a few chances to regain your trust. make sure that these chances are at least equal to What ever He did to betray your trust so that you will know if you can trust him with the things that are most important to you.
2006-10-22 18:55:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been married for thirteen years my wife hurt me once before and at least twice after drop him and find someone who really cares and you will be alot better off. once that trust is gone it never really can be given back.trust me you can forgive but you will never forget. just some advise from some one who knows.
2006-10-22 23:47:47 · answer #6 · answered by gfdchad 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I doubt you will ever give him your full trust again it is only natural that you be suspicious and cautious.
once bitten twice shy is apt in your case.
he will have to EARN your trust and this may take a long time to do
2006-10-22 18:55:46 · answer #7 · answered by trvrrhds 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will get easier with time-however You will get painful flashbacks!
Try and talk Openly with him when these feelings return,it's all part of the healing process!!
2006-10-22 18:52:28 · answer #8 · answered by J. Charles 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
5 years marriage still sometimes i can not trust him,but it kills you if you think about it all the time.just forgive him and give him another chance.that is how i am regaining it again.Good Luck
2006-10-22 19:10:05 · answer #9 · answered by Nikki 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am married, I feel the same as you, Its been 3 years, and its still hard on me.
2006-10-22 18:53:23 · answer #10 · answered by ~*Jenny*~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋