Married People who Swing your responses please?

Question

I am looking for feedback from married individuals who either have tried or are in the swinging life-style. Can you swing with other people and still maintain a good marriage and sex life? How has swinging affected your relationship with your spouse? If a couple decides to swing, what are some of the boundaries that should be made? I have talked to people who "play" alone & people who only "play" together (both are either involved or they are with other people at the same party, no closed doors). If either is ok, which is better & what are the issues with either? What if your spouse has never had any sexual experiences with someone other than you? How can a new sexual relationship change the dynamics of sex in the marriage? If you and your spouse have good communication and a strong marriage, is exploring or possibly swinging when both husband & wife are in agreement an acceptable idea? I would appreciate feedback from anyone who has had any experiences like this.

Answer 1

First off, taking advice from non-swingers about swinging is like taking advice about rock climbing from someone who's never done it. You won't get real advice, only biased opinion. "Oh no, it's dangerous! Why would anyone ever want to do that!"

My wife and I have been married 8 years and been swingers for several years now and we've seen couples come and go, mostly all stay. The divorces we have seen had nothing to do with swinging. These couples usually got into swinging to try to "spice-up" thier marriage because there was problems to begin with. Kind of like thinking buying a new house for a "new start" will fix your marriage problems. It doesn't. I will say that swinging will quicken the demise of a troubled relationship, but it won't harm a good one as long as neither spouse is insecure (read: jealous). So some answers to your quesitons:

"Can you swing with other people and still maintain a good marriage and sex life?"

Yes. Our marriage was very good before we started swinging, and is even better since. We communicate better, we act like like teenagers in love, and sex is still great and even better. We bang like bunnies for days after we swing.

"How has swinging affected your relationship with your spouse?"

We really understand now why we are together. Although sex is an important part of any relationship, it is not the glue that holds it together. Taking sex out of the equation we have clearly defined all the other aspects of our relationship and why we are in love with each other and not with anyone else or our ex's. We've had good sex with others before we met, and we've had good sex with others since. If sex was the end-all-be-all of the relationship than we'd probably both still be married to other people, but it's not. Good sex, a larger penis, bigger boobs, etc. was not enough to keep us together with our ex-spouses or our ex-boyfriend's or girlfriends before we met.

Our relationship got even better. We constantly hold hands, we kiss all the time, we are always touching, we are always talking, we IM each other all day at work, we text message each other, and we talk and talk and talk.

We are also very secure in our relationship and in each other. There are no secrets between us. We never worry about the other being or deceitful. I would say our level of trust and communication is well above that of the average couple.

"If a couple decides to swing, what are some of the boundaries that should be made?"

Those are up to you. When we started we had a long list of boundries regarding stuff that might or did make us uncomfortable. Some consisted of sexual acts that were "allowed", others consisted of situations, like playing in seperate rooms or not. As we became more experienced the list shortened to just a couple biggies for us.

"I have talked to people who "play" alone & people who only "play" together (both are either involved or they are with other people at the same party, no closed doors). If either is ok, which is better & what are the issues with either?"

For many, playing solo is pretty daunting, especially as a newbie. We were in the lifestyle for almost two years before we were comfortable playing alone. Some never do. It's whatever you are comfortable with. There is no one way to swing, it is whatever you want it to be and whatever you make of it.

"How can a new sexual relationship change the dynamics of sex in the marriage?"

It almost always heightens it. Sometimes people become less inhibited, but most of the time they just become more horny for each other. ;-)

"If you and your spouse have good communication and a strong marriage, is exploring or possibly swinging when both husband & wife are in agreement an acceptable idea?"

Yes, if both of you are in agreement than you will be just fine. Many of the ones that have tried it and warn you of problems are ones that did not properly communicate about it beforehand, one party coerced the other into it, or it just happened in a drunken good time one night, and the next day issues of jealousy or resentment came up.

For some great info on it, from newbies and veterans alike, check out The Swingers Board (link below). There is basic info in the Swingers Advice section of the website and allot of detailed information in the discussions going on.

Answer 2

Been there, done that.
Although it was fun with my husband, we're not together anymore. I don't know if the extra partners played some part in our divorce, but it wasn't the main reason.
We went to swinger clubs, and being a dancer, (ex dancer now) I used to bring home some of my friends for him to play with. I had a steady boyfriend on the side and he saw someone else as well.
All I can say is if this be the route you choose, set up rules that the two of you will definately follow. It won't work if one of you bends or breaks your own rules.
Second, communication is the key. If you truly love each other, then nothing is worth losing your marriage over. If something bothers the other then Don't do it!

Answer 3

Weve been together 4 yrs, we have dabbled on and off for most of it and have many couples as friends from the lifestyle...there are many types of swingers....full swap (trading partners)...soft swap (trading partners for foreplay only)......some just like to watch or be watched...... We fall in the watching and being watched category. If you have a very strong relationship, you are doing it as an addition to your relationship and not as a replacement.....you talk it out and agree what the boundaries will be and stick to the boundaries it can be a very erotic experience you share....its a secret between you and your partner...you can have a ball..... if you do it wrong, it will be a disaster

Answer 4

Everyone who answers a provacative ques. like this one has either had experience, had a fantasy to, wants to, or is presently doing it. Everyone. people are as different from each other as snowflakes. The key is ; ask yourself if anybody will get hurt, including, you, in any way. If you have to think about this, then someone definately will. If not , have fun. One thing, though. Why is it that so many couples who say that thier relationship is so strong feel compelled to test that strength so often?? eh?

Answer 5

I was with my first husband for 10 years... we were swingers about 5 of those 10. All I can say is if this is something you are both interested in, you're better off divorcing now. There are couples who will tell you that it works for them, but if you try to find those couples 5 years, 10 years, 15 years later... you won't usually find them together, and generally, even if you do, they are together in name only. Marriage is sacred. Trust is sacred. Even with boundaries, you are breaking the elemental rules of marriage... "forsaking all others". The grass is always greener on the other side, but no matter how careful you are, how much you love each other, if you add other partners to your marriage, it will denigrate trust and ultimately, you're left with a shell of what once was, or what could have been, had you remained faithful to only each other. By the way, all of the couples that we associated with in our lifestyle... every single one of them, and I'm embarrassed to admit there were quite a few... is now divorced, and I've only been out of it for 6 years.

Answer 6

No, I would never partake in swinging. If in a relationship or being married....this is cheating. When a person takes their vows, it should really mean a glorious commitment to each other. If you open the door for this type of behavior, your just encouraging each other to cheat. There would never be complete honesty in the marriage again.
What kind of example would you be for your children? STD's are real! Even with the helpful use of condoms.

Answer 7

swinging has to be the most bizarre,and in these days one of the most dangerous promiscuous acts a so called happily married couple could undertake.
I do not understand it,nor those who participate in it,Ive many friends involved in it and often Ive asked them how? how can a happily married couple swap out with others especially in light of the stds,and more especially in light of aids?
Ive never gotten a resonable reply,Id suggest staying away from anything that is not monogamous/live in situation,where you know for a fact their habits,character,and good health.

Answer 8

don't kid yourself if you think you have a strong marriage. b/c clearly you do not. ok cheating and sleeping with other ppl is not a real marriage don't make a mockery out of marriage. chances are that your marriage will not last. Ask yourself if you love each other so much why the need to sleep with other ppl are you not in love with each other if this is what you want maybe its best you move on single that is. this may seem like fun but it is so not worth it in the end.

Answer 9

I am married of almost seven years we done a three-some before, and my husband got so jealous, it did affect our marriage, because all he does it bring up the past. It has been over 14 months ago, and its still brought up. I wouldn't do it again. It changes a marriage.

Answer 10

personally, i don't think it works. the answerer who said to maintain rules is right, because the rules also keep the trust. but anyway, i've known married and unmarried couples who tried it and it never worked out, they all eventually split up. i'm sure there are couples who survive it. but again, the rules are important, and making sure you reassure the other that THEY really still are the only ones for you.