If you felt this way still yet after 6 years would you just leave? (Read details)?

Question

I have been with my husband since i was 15 (he was also 15) and now after 11 years together and a five year old son. We are 27 now and just got married this year.
See he cheated on me when we were 19 years old and i still can't get over it. It bothers me so bad and it makes me hate him. Why could he do this to me? I am not the best looking woman in the world but i am by far not the ugliest and he fooled with 2 nasty skags. I will never understand why he done it. He was my first and i love him but wheni think of how he done me i hate him. I can't forget and i can't forgive.

I want to be with him but i hate him for these things he has done to me. Would you just leave or what?

Thanks and please NO rude remarks

Answer 1

Forgive him for yourself. You are harboring the hurt. When you hate people, you give them control of your mind. So let it go for yourself. Then decide if you want to stay.

Answer 2

Stop living in the past! That was 8 years ago! You had no business marrying the guy if you were still holding a grudge against him after all this time! He is obviously a changed man. You don't mention any recent infidelity. Perhaps he was just seeing what else was out there because at 19 he had already been with you for 4 years. You guys basically grew up together! Now I'm not trying to give him an excuse to cheat but more than likely he was just wanting to see what he may be missing out on. Obviously he realized where his heart was (with you) and chose to come back home and establish a home and a family with you! You've got to let the past go or you will never have a successful relationship with your husband or with anyone else in the future should you & your husband divorce. I'm not saying turn a blind eye if you suspect more cheating. I'm saying if he has truly changed forgive him and get on with living your lives together. You can have a great life or a miserable life the good news and the bad news is it's totally up to YOU!

God bless you! Praying you make the right decision!

Answer 3

I think the challenge here, is that you have been together since you were 15. It is tough for anyone to stay with one person from such a young age. 19 is very immature still and no doubt curiousity got the better of him to see what it would be like with someone different. this is of course no excuse for cheating as it is deceptive. Im curious, why after so many years you still have so much anger. I would guess that he has not appeared to be truly sorry enough for you to forgive him. I would normally say to leave, as it is not worth it to stay with someone that you cannot trust, except you have a child. I think you both need counselling, where you can tell him what he needs to say or do to get you to forgive him. One mistake can be forgiven, and I do think that alot of people deserve a second chance, but if it happens again, I would definately leave. Although you may want your son to grow up in a 2 parent home, you don't want him to grow up in a house where there is no trust, respect and mutual love.

Answer 4

NO, NO and NO! You should definitely not leave him. The very fact that you are still with him after being together for 11 yrs and 6 yrs since he cheated on you proves that your feelings for each go much deeper than that. C'mon, he was only 19 at the time, it can hardly be called cheating. I can understand you feeling betrayed, but don't be so hard on him or yourself. Life is too short to be spent hating somebody for something he did as a teenager. During teenage all of us at some point or the other make mistakes, its wrong to hold them to that for the rest of their lives. What is important is now, what is it that he feels for you and how your relationship is. I always believe that when one falls in love as a teenager its just like the bubbles at the edge of the water on a sea beach, which come and break. but as you grow older, and mature, it grows deeper and becomes calmer like the deep sea. So, forgive, forget and live life to the fullest. If you already haven't talk to him about this feeling you have for him, I think its high time you opened up to him. there is no point in festering these feelings any longer. Good luck!

Answer 5

If you knew you were feeling this way before you got married, why did go through with the marriage.....That is what we call a doubt...If you have any doubt, don't get married.....You obviously still love him and don't want anyone else to have him or else you would never have married him.....If you really love him, forgive and forget......I did with my hubby and we have been married for 22yrs ever since I was 18yrs old.....As time goes by you forget the past that was upsetting to you, just think about the future ahead and build the love you once had for him before the incident....That is what love is all about working things out for the family's sake.....I know there may be things that will remind you of what happened....Just let it go and if it should happen again just kick his butt to the curb.....

Answer 6

You had a baby with him YEARS after he cheated on you. Obviously you love(ed) him.

How long do you want to continue to punish him? I don't mean this in a rude way at all, but there reaches a point, if he did not do it again, and he's truly sorry, AND he's stayed with you all these years, that you NEED to forgive. He can't go back and change what he did. But if he's kept his nose clean since, he's stayed with you, he's fathered your child, and married you, why do you feel the need to continue to hate him?

You were 19 when he cheated. You were about 22, 3years later when your baby was born, and just this year, you got married. I don't think you truly hate him, if youve been with him through all this.

Ask yourself if you truly believe he never cheated again, and if he truly is sorry. Then YOU need to let this go, and you may need to go to counseling to be able to forgive him. But when you do forgive, really forgive, and give him the trust he's been trying to build after his GIANT mistake, you will be able to find that love again, and keep that childs parents together in a loving home.

We all make mistakes, we all hurt the ones we love. All we can do is really be sorry and do our best to be the best spouse we can be. If you think he's still cheating, then that's another story, but if he hasn't repeated the behaviour and is repentant, please please please, forgive before you lose your family.

Good luck.

Answer 7

After 3 years of perfect relationship with my boyfriend we got 10 monts separated.(he came in the States,than after 10 mo.I came to be with him).In this 10 mo I was cheating him with more than 1 man,just because I taught he's doing the same.Well we are married for 5 years with tree children,and I'm 100% sure that he never cheated on me .But I confessed my cheating and he forgave me ,he didn't forget it and I'm sure in deep inside him he hates me for that,but still he loves me a lot and we have a happy marriage life.But I'm ashamed and I'm really sorry for what I did,and I'm sure that your husband feels the same .You should forgive him and try to forget it (it was in the past,he was a kid,he didn't think of the consequences....) but he may be changed.Just think of your kid !Do you think any guy may be better?(Maybe at the beginning!).I'm sure if you forgive him and trust him again you gonna have a better marriage.just GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!

Answer 8

I have a 10 yr. old with my ex and I left him 7 years ago for cheating MULTIPLE times on me, leaving him was the best thing because (I just like you) could not get over it. Do I still love him? Of course, too this day he is still the love of my life, but he did me wrong - I'm remarried now with a toddler.

Answer 9

Well he prolly did it, because yall were so young when yall got together and he didn't know anyone else, he had to check it out. If you can't get past it though, you need to leave, cause living in that kind of world is not good for the baby. Trust is one of the hardest things to get back once it is broke. I would just suggest either get past it, or get out. Look deep in your heart and do what is best for you and that baby. Good luck!

Answer 10

first of all.....you were so young when you met.......and i applaud you for staying with him for so long. cheating is virtually impossible to get over. there is always going to be the "why" factor. it's going to be there anytime you two get intimate or even go out in public. i've been cheated on, and one time even walked in while an ex was on top of her. you've got to realize though, you were so young, and maybe, you might need to separate to see if you really want to spend the rest of your life with him. i know that sounds terrible, but you grown and changed and you haven't experienced your self on your terms. you've been with this guy when most people at that age are discovering themselves. self discovery is so important. you have to be able to define yourself and know yourself before you can truly be with someone else. and it sounds like.....his cheating was a symptom of what i am talking about. he had been with you, and he was young, and he was just curious, as any young person is. search your heart sweety.......search deeply and i hope you are able to figure this out.

Answer 11

I've never lived in one place for more than a few years so I know how you feel. Home is where your friends are... not where a house is, or even where your dad is currently located. If you have to move, make new friends.