My boyfriend asked me to marry him & I said yes. I havent told my mom yet but I have been throwing out hints to see how she might react. I can see now that she wont accept it & dont want us to be together. I refuse to end up like her lonely with 2 kids not married & struggling when all she had to do was open her eyes and heart. I really love my boyfriend, well now my fiance', and I wouldnt trade him for the world. I have a chance at being happy with the man that I truely love & who I know loves me & I'm not gonna miss out on that just to please her. How can I tell her my good news? How can I make her understand the love that me and him share? How can I get her to accept him and our relationship a little if not all the way? Why cant she just be happy for me and be happy that I am happy?
This is suppose to be the happiest time in my life and I should be sharing this with a smile on my face not with tears in my eyes. What should I do? Someone please help me.
2006-10-22 17:24:49 · 23 answers · asked by Ask Ashlynn!!!! 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
its sad when others and espacially when its your family that wont and cant seem to share those happiest times of your life with you. You need to take her aside go out just mother and daughter do something yous usually wouldnt do, like spa day together or whatever..than at the end of the day tell her that you love this guy your with and give her your news, tell her before she says anything, that you love him so much and he loves you that this is what you want and no matter what others will say or do this is your life and your going to do what you want and would love it if she was happy for you. Pour your heart out to her and tell her you want her to be happy for you but if she seems to not be than tell her that if she wants to be part of your life than she going to have to acept your soon to be husband because hes your family now too, and your sticking by his side. She will come around, i know it, if not than you need to as hard as it will be but just let her be, you go tell your news..no shout out your great news to all family members and friends....strangers in that matter, because this is great, and i dont even know you but i am so happy for yous both. I wish yous the best, and pray your mother will come around....and i am sure she will....just give her time.
2006-10-22 17:31:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow its seems that you arent enjoy the happiest moment on a woman's life right.....and Im happy for you even thou' I dont know you foreals because it takes a true man to proposed and not only that but it must be true love that this man wants to spend his life with you when it could be anyone else.....Congrats. I personally think you should give your mother the time and respect she deserves..because like you said she was a single mother who raised two kids....and for that she deserves that and much more....remember that us childrens dont have a right to hold anger, or any other bad feelings towards our parents. You and your fiance should both take your mother to dinner one day, and let her know how serious you two are about one another, and the plans you both have together, and that it would be nice for her to accept the fact that you two are thinking about marriage and not only that but that her blessings and approval would be the best gift from her to you two. Let her know how important her approval is to you, and how happy it will make you to know she is happy with you decision, and how wonderful things could be, and then perhaps how you dont want to ended being a single mother if there is a opportunity to do it all the right way, without hidden or do it behid her backs like if it was a crime to love and marry that special one.Your fiance too has a lot work to do, he should let your mother know his most sincere intentions with you, and how he feels towards you and try to win her over too by doing little things here and there so they can be kool with one another. Love and live like theres no tomorrow.........but remember you cannot build your own happiness with the pain of others meaning you cant just be selfish and think about you, because thats not what your mother did when she had you two kids, and not only that but whatever her reasons where to be a single mother cant blame her for it, and try to use it as an excuse of why she wont approve your engagement too. Be a good daughter and your fiance to be a good future son-in-law and win her over and do all possible to make things right and with her blessings.Good luck and God Bless you and hope i gave you a solution to your problems...but if not at least i hope i was able to help you open you eyes and value the decisions you will take towards this matter.
2006-10-23 00:47:42 · answer #2 · answered by Lizzy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, the reason your mom feel like she does is probably because she's had alot of bad experiences and I can really relate to that. When my kids got married, I was struggling on my own and I felt the same way, but I didn't discourage them; for I feel it's their life and no matter what direction they will take, I'm going to try to support them. Just tell your mom you're getting married; it's as simple as that. It's your life and if your mom really loves you, she will still be there for you. You probably WON'T make her understand because she's probably had bad experiences. To this day, I, myself, find it hard to really trust anything a man says because I've been hurt many times. The problem is she's probably afraid for you because of anything she went through. Don't blame her; it's your life and do what makes you happy in your heart. Life is too short.
2006-10-23 00:34:43 · answer #3 · answered by Nancy D 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YES this should be the happiest time in your life! Don't cry but find the happiness that you need! Your mother may be scared of being left alone when her children are married or gone from home. Tell your mom that you love her and want to share your happiness with her. Tell her your news and whatever reaction she has -I wish you the best of luck and lots of happiness!
2006-10-23 00:35:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother doesn't want you to get married because she's not sure if he's the right one for you and she doesn't want you to end up like her. But what she doesn't know is that you'll never find out how happy or miserable you'll be together unless you take a chance. I suggest he be there when you tell her and when you do make sure you tell her how you feel and set the wedding date for at least 3 months away, to give her time to adjust to the idea. Give her time and space and she will come around.
2006-10-23 00:39:50 · answer #5 · answered by Ashley W 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You would know your mom better than anyone, but i understand why you are upset. You are right this is not your issues to be dealt with, it is hers. Perhaps you should say why she rejects this relationship. (She may have a valid reason/concern that we don't know.)
But in this case I think your mother is just genuinely concerned that you will end up miserable like her and on your own. I think she sees him as the man that left her and this has made her intolerant of your fiance. But its not him she is intolerant of altogether its whoever is your boyfriend. I think that any man you are with would bring about these feelings in her and she will not approve of them.
Typically the guy seeks the parents permission to marry the girl. In this case he probably didnt bother due to the fact that your mother is hostile towards him. He should try and make the hugest effort to convince her his intentions, not you, because your mother will dismiss your reasons thinking you are naive and dont know better. If he proves worthy to her then she will accept him. Its not you she thinks less of it is your fiance. If he has made the commitment to be with you for the rest of his life then he has to be prepared to live up to your mothers expectations. I dont think its impossible for him to do this, it will be hard...
If he is committed he should be willing, if he cannot handle it then you need to seek counselling for them and you to get this worked through.
You at least deserve a crack at a decent marriage and to be happy right now. So consider what you can do to work towards this.
2006-10-23 00:53:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don`t need financial aid from your mother and your future husband is the right person for you then you haven`t got any problems as the answer is easy do what your heart tells you to do as long as he is truly the right person.
Your mother will come around eventually and if she doesn`t which I seriously doubt ,then you have a real serious problem with your mother regardless of any marriage.!!!
Congratulations in advance ......Be Happy but be careful marriage isn`t something to jump into without a real committment for both of you guys. Good Luck
2006-10-23 00:33:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first things don,t rush into getting hook. I see that your mom is jelous, or maybe she hurts, and doesn,t want to see her baby make the same mistakes. I can tell you two work save your moneys, go together to church, ask a priest to helpyou minister,or someone like marriages conselor. The point is bring them in and shares the love together with mom. I say take your time follow your heart and dream. I know if he love you he,ll do what make you happy. MY BEST WISHES AND MANY HAPPY YEARS TOGETHER, ALSO GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR MOM.
2006-10-23 00:40:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people enjoy wallowing in their misery and they want their loved ones to wallow with them. She may feel like you betrayed her because you are now leaving for your own life. Or she may be jealous of you because you found that love and she never did. Whatever the reasons, they are all wrong. You just need to sit down with her and let her know that you love her and you will always be a part of her life but it is time for you to establish your own life outside of her home. She may not accept your fiance at first but if he is a good man with honorable intentions she is sure to see that and come to respect him down the road.
God bless you sweetie & congratulations!
2006-10-23 00:48:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just tell her, don't live your life for other people! I know it's your mom and that it sucks but think about what's best for you! If you love him and this is what you want then grab on to it because happiness doesn't come around that often!
2006-10-23 00:29:09 · answer #10 · answered by *~BETHY~* 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋