My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 yrs and we want to get married. He is joining a well paid union job starting in January and I'm in school to become a teacher. The only thing holding me back is my family. They are Catholic and my grandparents would hate me!! I'm not sure how my parents would react...probably upset at first but I think they'd adjust. My mom loves babies and I know she would fall in love with the fact of having another one around. I'm the type of person who cares what my family thinks of me and even though I know at first everyone would be sad, disappointed, or angry, after 9 months and a new baby, they would all love me and the baby.
I need to know what I should do...I would definitely finish school and my boyfriend would be there for me too. It's just the family thing...I don't know what to do!
2006-10-22 17:22:53 · 13 answers · asked by clairebear82286 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
i think 20 is a very young age to have a baby, wait for your boyfriend to get settled in his new job and then get married and have the baby at 24/25. This way you'll be happy and so will your family.
Don't be upset cos I said that you were too young to have a baby, what I mean is that a baby changes everything. I had a baby when I was 20 and it changed everything, it's a lot of hard work and eventhough u want the baby and love him, u have to sacrifice a lot. I then had a baby at 25 and it was easier (maybe cos I had more experience) but I was more mature and I knew how to juggle between the baby, my other son and housework, and work lol.
If I had to do it all over again I'd wait a couple of years or more b4 I decide to have the baby.
Good Luck, I'm sure you r gonna make a gr8 Mom
2006-10-22 17:35:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you're so worried about what everyone else thinks and you're unsure of your decision, you should wait. Wait until you are married, you said you and your boyfriend want to get married, do things in the right order. Settle in together and enjoy married life and college for a little longer before you add a baby into the mix. You're still questioning it, so play house for a little while and make plans, save money, get as much school stress out of the way while you can before you're only getting a few hours of sleep a night.
Worrying about what your family thinks is important when you're close, and knowing they would be disappointed will affect you (it already has). Let your grandparents think you're a good Catholic girl and don't get pregnant before you're married. Get one gift at a time, you don't need to combine the wedding and baby shower gifts.
You are young and you have a lot of living left to do before you tie yourself down, so enjoy the time while you still have it and take things slowly. Having regrets is no way to live, so do it right the first time.
No matter what, make sure you and your boyfriend are on the same page so you both have the same expectations.
Best of luck to you.
2006-10-22 17:43:01 · answer #2 · answered by Court 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a mother of 2 children ages 3 and 1. I had my first baby at 18 and my second at 21.My mother is a catholic so she is against premarital sex and all of that good stuff but when I told her I was pregnant she was very excited. She knew that my fiancee is a great guy so she wasn't worried about him leaving or not helping. We have been together for 6 years and will be getting married (finally) next year. I know what it is like to grow up in a very religious household and was completely shocked at the reaction I got from my mom. My advise to you though is to at least finish school because at least you will have that degree and you can go to work when the baby is old enough and you can get married before you actually start trying to conceive this way the baby would not be born out of wedlock. In all actuality it is your choice and I understand where you are coming from about wanting your families approval. Just like I said before though at least finish school first this way when you are done with school and you want to take a break and try to have a baby you will have that to fall back on when you want to go to work after you had the baby. Good Luck with whatever you decide to do and God Bless!!!
2006-10-22 21:07:24 · answer #3 · answered by erinfitz831 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a 21 year old mother, I would say wait. Not that I dont love my son with all my heart. I know how it is to want a child, and VOW to finish school after you have your child. I was going to school to be a nurse and have yet to go back and finish. It is hard to work, take care of a child, and go to school. I have my parents and grandparent to help me, but it is difficult. You won't have that much time to spend with your child between working, going to school, and studing. I understand that your boyfriend will be getting a good job, but will he be making enough to support himself, you, and the baby if you dont work? There are a lot of things that you have to consider. You are right about the fact of family being disappointed at first and then adjusting when the baby arrives. Personally I wouldnt be to very worried about the family thing, I would be more worried about giving your child the life that you want Him/her to have. I know that you are going to do what you want, but I think you should sit back and think long term. Working, school, and taking care of a child isnt always that great. If you do decide to have a child, I would look at taking web courses if possible so you can still spend time with your child. That may be a little easier than if you actually go to classes. Right now my thing with going back to school is I work second shift, so I would have to take morning classes. When I get home at night my son is asleep and if I were in school he would be waking up when I would have to leave for school. I am signed up for some web courses this comming spring. That way I can do the work when I get the time. Hope I've helped in some way. Good luck with your decision!
2006-10-22 17:49:31 · answer #4 · answered by theprincessdanie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you from experience... finish school first, especially since you are going to be a teacher bc you have a lot of student teaching to do, you need to take the praxis II and III... so there is a lot of time and effort that needs to be put into that. You don't just graduate and become a teacher, as you may know. Having children while doing all that is OH MY GOSH, difficult to say the least. Even worse, bc you are busy studying and such, you miss so much bc youre not there. Get married first, if that's what you're going to do. be together for awhile, bc truthfully... honestly... after having children, regardless how beautiful of an experience it is and wonderful you two will have a little one to take care of, there is more work and less sleep to it than you could ever imagine. So think about all that first. I know what its like to crave a baby, but i also know what it feels like to have a child tugging at me and me having to say, "not right now- i'm trying to study", or "not right now- i'm so tired", or... you know? But when it comes to your family, you can still respect them and love them, even if you have a baby. You have to understand, after having a baby, its not about THEM anymore, instead, you make a new family. Not that your other family gets replaced, but your imediate family changes from your mother to you, your bf and your baby... which in the end and for the rest of time you will have to be looking out for- not your mother and grandparents (and yes, babies do have a way of turing grandparents' hearts), but still think it out more thouroughly. Don't think about so much how difficut it will be on you (even though it will be), but how difficult it will be on your child. good luck!
2006-10-22 17:36:37 · answer #5 · answered by tiyona17 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U should have your family..no doubt. but u are still young and have years ahead of u for a baby. The best thing to do for you,your hubby to be and your child is to be married first. That is the right thing to do.trust me,u will be glad u did. After marriage u can enjoy your baby making whenever u want. Although school is important for your new family plans u should wait until u finish but I dont see a problem going for it while in school. I am a mother of 2 and it is difficult and very stressful even though my husband helps out. U being in school and taking care of a newborn is a lot on a new mother. your hormones are out of whack and trying to readjust so you should not over work yourself. Sometimes u have to tell yourself that your mother is often right. Just like u will know best for your little one, your mother knows best for you. She will adore your baby no matter the circumstances,but she is just looking out for the well being of you and your baby to be...Whatever your decision is Good Luck!!!
2006-10-22 18:14:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you get married, and then have a child? You don't have to have a big fancy wedding. If that's what the issue is with your family.
I will tell you though, that going to school and having a new baby probably will be too hard. There's no reason why you can't stop school, have your child, and then once he's in school you go back to school.
If your family loves you now, they will love you once you have a baby. Just be sure you're doing it for the right reasons. Your family will eventually understand.
2006-10-22 17:35:51 · answer #7 · answered by rtlsimpson 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are 20 years old and you truly love this man, no one, not even your family would stand in your way. Sure you care what they think, but this is YOUR life, not theirs. Did you get to decide their life decisions? Act like a grown up, get married if you both love each other and have your child when you are financially able to. Don't get married just cause you want to have a baby. Believe me, children do not solidify a marriage. If there is true love, your family will come to see it and how happy you are. Your grandparents could never hate you or they are not very good people to begin with. Do what is in your heart, don't miss out on someone you could build a life with to please anyone else.
2006-10-22 17:33:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
having a baby is a big responsibility. it changes your life forever. you should wait until after you finish school and get settled into a job. on top of that if you and your boyfriend get married you want to spend at least the first year getting used to living with each other and making adjustments. a new baby on top of a new marriage is a lot of stress for both of you. take your time and enjoy your life now. have fun and you will know when the time is right
2006-10-22 17:42:36 · answer #9 · answered by poohs_poet_36@sbcglobal.net 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi i am currently 20 almost 21 and i am 9 weeks pregnant. It is something that both you and your boyfriend want. You need to understand that it is a lot easier to become a teacher stay there for a year and save up alot of money before haveing a baby.
I cant give you an answer but i though that my dad was going to be furious but he actually loves the idea that am pregnant. My family even though out of wedlock are fine with the decision but both you and your boyfriend need to make sure its what you both want aswell. if you need any more help please email me at evie_shaun@bigpond.com and i will be glad to answer any of your questions
2006-10-22 18:26:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋