How To Overcome Differences In Sex Drive?

Question

I love my husband with all my heart, and I would NEVER cheat on him. With that having been said here is the problem:

Our sex drives are mismatched. I would like to have it at least once a day. He is good to have it maybe twice a week. When I don't get it I feel very frustrated, and it affects my mood. If it is longer than a few days I even start feeling resentful. I wish it wasn't this way, but it is.

Now, taking into consideration there are a few factors that get in the way. For one we have an infant who has taken to staying up until at least 10 P.M. The second factor is our teenage daughter. the third factor is my mother. She has to spend the night occasionally because she babysits the infant while we work.

The fourth factor, and the one that interferes the most, is that he is ALWAYS tired. He is literally asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. Then, if he does happen to be awake long enough for me to brush my teeth and get into bed, he may start showing me attention, only

to fall alseep in the process because he says it doesn't do enough for him to keep him awake. This means that I hardly ever just get to lay back and enjoy him pleasuring me.

It is all so very frustrating. I have tried to explain to him that there are many opportunities that we don't take advantage of. for example, waking up a little earlier, slipping downstairs out of eye and ear shot of the mother and teenager, taking advantage of the times we do have alone to have sex, instead of sitting at the computers, etc.

I will give him credit. I have talked to him about my frustrations, and he has said that he is willing to do what he can to help. Has anyone else been this frustrated about their mismatched sex drives?

I already do have a vibrator. Yes, it helps to relieve some of the sexual tension, but a vibrator can't hold you, talk to you, whisper "I love you" in the process. It just isn't the same at all.

Quality is definately not a problem if we can have sex when he feels more awake. However, the times when we can have it he is already tired, and even the quality suffers. :(

Answer 1

You obviously have a LOT of problems with having a sexual relationship in the home, from your mother, to your teenage daughter to his always being tired. How eager or arousing is he when he wakes up, and where is everybody else at that time? His being "tired" may be a reaction to his feeling there is NEVER private enough time for sex with everybody around the house all the time, the least of your concerns being your infants sleep cycle. I am a retired mental health counselor and my practicum (thesis substitute) was a research project and group therapy on male sexuality. Having been a therapist, there is a lot more I'd want to know about you and him before I could expand on my recommendations, but I can tell you without a doubt that your teenage daughter and your mother being a regular part of the household are problem areas, and need your effort to work around since they are your primary relatives. There are ways to work those problems out, but you just need to work on them. God Bless you.

Answer 2

Ha, I had it BOTH ways! First I was married to a guy; that if I got it once A month I was lucky and I was the initiator. It can be VERY frautrating. How would you like your spouse not touching you for at least 9 months or more????? He had a very unaffectionate personality, BUT before our marriage, I never would have known it. The second time around, my spouse would not leave me alone!! Somehow I couldn't "hit" it right. It actually got very sickening when all he did was talk about sex and want sex at every chance; even though I worked 10 or more hours a day. Seriously, I'd even be afraid to take another chance at wedlock. Don't need it, don't want it, and if I do there are other ways.

Answer 3

You need to get over the fantasy of being able to have sex every day. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. Especially if you are a mother. Twice a week is good. Schedule enough time so ya'll can make it interesting. Then invest in a good vibrator. So on the nights when he is tired, you can please yourself. Masturbation relieves stress aka sexual frustration by 60 % You can improvise alot here. There are many different ways to please yourself (acheive orgasm) without his help. And who knows, if he sees you doing this, it might turn him on every so often and you might get it more than twice a week. if you're lucky! Sex should be quality, not quantity. I think its a bit selfish for you to demand so much from him. Try handling this issue on your own.

Answer 4

Sounds like you both need to compromise and make time no matter what. Obviously at this point in your lives having sex once a day just might not be possible - because of the kids and/or because he is working hard and is tired. You may need to compromise to maybe 3-4x per week and adjust your sex drive to that, for at least the time being.

Answer 5

Man, I wish I had this problem with my wife. I'm in the same situation as you... I want sex all the time, but my wife can go for very long spells without it. I'll be interested to hear other answers if anyone has had any luck getting their significant other to warm up a little more often!

Answer 6

I was having troubles with this in my last relationship, and did a lot of online research. I would suggest the same for you. There are people who have devoted a lot of time and effort to finding ways to "turn on" the other sex. Books are available that will be even more informative.

*I found that whispering in his ear works well.

** and you could simply. tell him. that you'd like to have sex more frequently. Build his ego a bit while you do this.

Answer 7

Tell him ,that every night at 7 pm,u will be having sex with or without his presence,it works everytime.no seriously,u should both try to work it out and compromise and u have to do a little bit more of seduction,after all men are like puppets ,and most of them have thier strings down there.

Answer 8

my advice, time to invest in some toys. depending on his age there are alot of things that can cause a drop in sex drive, Diabeties, high blood pressure, prostate problems, drop in testosteron levels, or just that he is not driving by his tool. there are alot of things. If you are planning to stay with him invest in toys, that way you can have your fun and it won't be as big of a problme

Answer 9

This is always a TOUGH one, and you know what, sometimes there just ISN'T AN ANSWER to every problem. I'm not being unsympathetic, it's just that that's the way it is in life...not EVERY problem has a solution!

Answer 10

if you could both have a day off from work ..ship the baby to your mothers for a change make shure your daughter is in school .............then take your time with both of you in the bath tub ..and just#$@!#$%$#@$% away till he shoots dust