hubby cheated i kicked him out he is now living with his girlfriend he is 42 she is 21.....he told our youngest children 13 and 10 if i dont buy their costumes for halloween he would but then he gets to take them trick or treating also he brought my youngest a prepaid cell phone but told him to tell me to buy mins for it...also one day my oldest daughter needed a ride home from school i couldnt due it that day due to working lateanyway when my daughter called him to ask if he could pick her up he told my daughter that i need to step up to the plate.......he knows i have a limited income even though he pays child support the amount for 4 kids is laughable because ikt goes according to his income....anyway why does he tell my kids for me to buy this and that and whats with the "your mom needs to step up comment"..they live with me.....i do everything for them...whats his problem
2006-10-22 16:56:36 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok.. take a deep breath .. and calm down..
First of all, he "should" help u out.. BUT realize he's not going to.. and that u cant DEPEND on him for anything.. as the custodial parent u have to be "supermom" and do it all , its just how it goes when u have an x that "wants" to make life hard for you.. so stop depending on him, if u cant pick ur daughter up, its time to either look at after school care till u can pick her up, or having a family member or close friend be able to pick her up on those days..the more u "NEED" him the more he will not be there for you.. his objective is to make as life as hard as he can on u..so that you will "NEED" him.. so start actting as if he's not even in state, what would u do? as custodial parent, it does all fall on u, all the responsibilities are ur's unfortunately and the courts cant Make him do anything but pay child support, and anything thats stipulated in ur divorce papers..if he wants to walk away and never see ur children again unfortunately he can.. if its his weekend to have the kids and he decides last minute to not pick them up, he can.. it sucks.. but u need to be prepared.. The cell phone.. cool he bought his daughter something she cant use, no one is putting a gun to ur head and telling u , u have to pay for the minutes.. so dont feel that ur obligated to do so.. we all survived with out cell phones, before they were made, so will your child..
As far as the halloween costumes, as long as he is paying child support, he doesnt have to pay for the costumes, if he does so thats considered a gift.. but its up to u if u want to enable him to use it as a "bargaining" chip on who gets to take them trick or treating.. u can say no, its not on his time (halloween) its during the week.. so u have an option.. u can either buy the halloween costume urself, u can make her a halloween costume if u dont have the money.. or u can go ahead and let him buy the costumes and take them trick or treating this year..and next year will be ur turn and u'll buy the costumes next year and take them next year.. this is what happens when u get a divorce, theres going to be holidays u wont even see ur children on.. his xmas' (thats the hardest) easters, thanksgivings.. ect.. Halloween is one of the easier ones to have him take trust me i know i have 3 kids and i also have an x that is a pain in the azz 10 years expirence of doing it on my own.. and learning u can never depend on him.. u need to start realizing u call the shots.. on alot of this stuff.. and letting him call the shots days are over, if he wants to waste his money on things for the girls that they cant use because u cant afford to buy the stuff to go with them, let him.. his doing not ur's.. but u have to stop enabling him to make u feel like ur losing it.... he's trying to pull power plays on u, and he can only do that if u enable him to..
My advice.. explain to ur child that its great that she has a cell phone but unfortunately she will either have to earn the money herself to pay for the minutes, or ask her dad for the money because u cant afford it right now (but keep the phone minutes in mind for x mas could be a great "filler" type gift)
As far as halloween.. let him buy the kids the costumes and let him take them trick or treating this year, if your budget is that limited.. then let him, by this time next year, u'll have it together enough to do it urself next year..
As far as the picking up from school find someone else to handle that.. although he's a crappy dad for not helping u out when u need it, u cant depend on him.. so like i said find after school care, or ask a family member or close friend to help u out on those days that u need it..
You can do this.. it does get easier.. ONCE u stop depending on him..
Good luck..
2006-10-22 17:15:59 · answer #1 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is that your ex is having some serious insecurity iissues in regards to his own parenting skills. Putting you down in front of them makes him appear better in his mind. Your children are old enough to see what is going on hun, don't stress over it so much . Be the bigger person. If you let it get to you, he wins again...don't give him that power. I know you think it makes no sense, but look at it from his point of view. The man did a horrible thing in shacking up with the youngster and he knows it. It terrifies him to think about how his children view him. So he's going to do and say some of the darndest things to take the pressure/focus off of his stupid mistakes. If the children are suffering or it's creating conflict, call him on his comments when the children aren't around. Tell him that the absurd amount he pays in child support does not cover any extras and he can't promise them things or give them things that add extra expenses such as the phone cards. Tell him he is the one who needs to step up to the plate and it's not fair for him to continue to create problems that are not necessary. Then tell him if he's got a problem with doing that, you'd be more than wiling to haul him back into court for more child support so that you can afford the extras that he has no problem promising. Not all men respond to logic, but threaten their income in any way, shape or form and all of a sudden they tend to see the light! I wish you luck!
2006-10-23 00:15:30 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well hun, obviously your husband is an asshole like 60% of loser exhusbands in the US. I know how you feel, I get a laughable amount of CS and I work and go to school full time to care for my toddler, and my ex doesn't pay for anything, and he uses the line...Step up, or budget your money better. Bottom line he is never going to contribute like you do...financially or emotionally or physically to your kids, you will always be there and he won't and all he is doing is playing stupid mind games with you and acting like his gfs age obviously. I wouldn't deal with his stupid ****....hes an asshole and you should tell him that! Good Luck and you just keep doing the good job you are already doing!
2006-10-23 00:01:45 · answer #3 · answered by crzyernie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's just being an ******. He gets them the phone and wants to look like the good dad and wants you to look like the bad mom because he knows you cant afford to buy the minutes for the phone. He's playing them to get back at you. good luck
2006-10-23 00:01:49 · answer #4 · answered by Michelle : 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a jerk who is trying to pit your children against you.
Don't fall into his scheme..and, you kid has no business having a cell phone.
Make sure that you have someone else who can pick your kids up from school.
2006-10-23 00:01:01 · answer #5 · answered by asperens 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are just pissed because you got traded in for a young chic. I don't see where he is wrong he is paying support and helping what more do you want
2006-10-23 00:13:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
he's a selfish imbecile, that's his problem. what on earth possessed you to reproduce four times with that loser?
2006-10-23 00:00:02 · answer #7 · answered by medellia1984 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋