we have been married for 14 years have 3 kids 5,10,11 who we are now sharing one week on/off when i dont have them i feel really terrible .they dont like the situation at all and dont like going to mums she renting a small house while im still in the family home she is getting solicitors to try and force me to sell and give up more time with the kids so she can claim more money I still love her and would do any thing to try and patch things up but her parents hate me eventhough she was the one who had the affair not mei know their relatoinship is rocky and complicated with 7 kids between them but i feel helpless and things i have tried to do to help have backfired.i love my kids soo much and they me I love looking after them eventhough being a single parent is hard work anyone out there in a similal situation with any advice? thanks ps im also trying to get out of my depression which is very hard its been 2 months since my wife mooved out and without the kids here im a mess help
2006-10-22 16:47:28 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is a very difficult situation to deal with, especially since you are the one left standing alone. I know it's hard right now to understand exactly why it is this is all happening. You need to stay strong, for yourself and for your kids, she doesn't know what she has lost, walking out on you and cheating on you to her was the best decision she could have made for that moment. Watch and see when things start to get rough in the future with her new lover, who is she going to run back to?
Hold you head high, be a good father and try your best to regain your life within this whole situation. Falling into a depression may be inevitable at the moment, but not a permanent thing. Get yourself out there, go on a date even true and get your mind into a different realm. Don't be stuck thinking how you can fix a situation that in all honesty you can't fix! Try your best to be there for your kids as much as you can, and make sure they are provided for and have their father in their life.
Good luck and stay strong! Just remember, she doesn't know what she has lost, you have kept your vow of commitment and she hasn't, you are the good person in all of this regardless of what her family thinks. Do what is right for you in your life now, because clearly she hasn't done a very good job at helping you out!
2006-10-22 16:57:17 · answer #1 · answered by micheypoo 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel so sorry for you.
Give time to read this. It makes you laught at least even for a moment. Its from a blog i copied from a friend "aahmed24"
Give attention to number 15.
Be happy and move on.
You can still find someone new, much better than your ex wife and much better to be a mom to your kids.
WHAT IS MARRIAGE???
1. Marriage is not a word.
It's a sentence (a life sentence).
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an
institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's
Degree and the woman gets her masters.
4. Marriage is a three-ring circus:
engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first
year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the
second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third
year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOR listens.
6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with
friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other
person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and
found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his
sleep and found himself divorced.
8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband
gives and the wife takes.
9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't
know son, I'm still paying for it.
10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know
his wife until He marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son,
EVERYWHERE!
11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage,
it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for
her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
15. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to
let him keep her.
16. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat
in Europe.
17. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin.
They just can't face each other, but they still stay together.
18. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one .
19. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the
marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
20. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always .
21. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it
only seems longer.
22. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
23. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL - MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL
HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT
HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.
24. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but
if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lights on.
25. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU
WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I,
AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.
26. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
27. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he
still ends up with the same boss.
28. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day
he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing -
YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
29. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be
sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.
ALL WOMEN MUST MARRY ...... and
NO MAN SHOULD
2006-10-22 20:49:51 · answer #2 · answered by anne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listens Sweetie, pick up the pieces and move on.. Their bodies will eventually begin to sag in all of the wrong places and just like she ran off with him...He'll trade her in for a new model too.. Depression is a hard thing to overcome, but just remember you aren't the first person this has happen too and unfortunately won't be the last!! Be strong for your kids.. Do not ever go back to her, when you love someone and they cause you that much pain, they do not have your best interest @ heart.. You may want to consider getting some roommates, that would fill your house help your depression and keep the stress of paying on all of those bills... Live y our life to the fullest, look at those who are long gone now!! It will get better trust me.. Good Luck !!
2006-10-22 16:53:28 · answer #3 · answered by chubbie dumplins 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Time heals all wounds.. unfortunately the woman u love is not the same woman anymore.. the woman u fell in love with and you married would of never hurt u and your family (kids) this way... You need to start focusing more on your children and whats best for them, then on her .. the more confident u become and the more u "seem" to be over her the more curious she will become, and the more jealous she will become of u.. u need to pick urself up , dust urself off, and although u feel like crying on the inside, never let her see u sweat.. always be civil but "short" with her when talking to her, only talk to her about "must" things, divorce things, the kids ect.. Dont be her best friend, she stopped wanting that the day she cheated on u.. and if she wants friendship , if she wants u back, she has to earn those rights again.. but untill then enjoy life, enjoy the kids, its crazy at first trying to get things settled in place who go where, what times ect.. but eventually a routine will be established and it will get much easier.. So stay strong the kids need u to be a good role model for them during this time, and they need to know ur OK, that your secure, cause if ur secure, they will feel secure.. if your happy, they will be able to be happy.. they will look to u , on how to handle this.. if they see u sad, and angry , then thats how they will be.. so for their sake, get it together, get a schedule and a routine that works for u, and go find happiness.. if its meant to be, u and ur wife, then it will be, if its not meant to be, then it never was in the first place, and the "real" mrs. right is still out there searching for you.. someone that wont hurt u like this..
Good luck..
2006-10-22 16:59:24 · answer #4 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wife left 2+ years ago. I felt much like you did then. My best suggestion is to get some counseling if you can afford it. If you work for a larger company, you may have access to an EAP (employee assistance plan). Often you can get some free intitial counseling sessions. Also, time heals all wounds.
By the way, don't make any decisions to sell right now. Just wait and think about it!!! Consult some people you know and trust, if not a lawyer. Good luck!
2006-10-22 16:54:02 · answer #5 · answered by Jon M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I'm really sorry! you need a very good attorney or solicitor to help you with this, because I personally would not let her see the kids, because right not they need stability in their life and not their mothers immaturity. But I really would not stay with her and allow her to be like that to you or your kids! I just went through a divorce and I know that it is probably the hardest thing you will ever have to go through, but you don't need any crap like this from anyone. DONT GIVE IN TO HER, stick to your guns and don't give her a dime, if you are the primary parent you shouldn't have to pay her. Just keep your chin up and take it one day at a time, just be there for your kids and SCREW HER!
Good Luck!
2006-10-22 16:56:18 · answer #6 · answered by crzyernie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to stay balanced in the decisions you make.Don't base your actions on the fact that you still love her or she'll take full advantage of it.She has the nerve to get a solicitor when she's the one who's committed adultery!Get angry, mister!She two-timed you and with your trainor!And your children are sufferring for her actions!My guess is she just wants to have the children so she can get more money from you.
Your feelings tend to fool you into thinking things will get better and can still work out but face it, she hurt you and the kids. Even if she comes back, are you sure she won't do it again with some other guy?
Get a solicitor of your own, prove she's the one who committed adultery and get custody of your kids.A mom like that is NOT a good influence on your kids and how they turn out when they grow up is in your hands.This situation will affect their lives very much and it's up to you to help them through it.
Get up, man!You have kids to take care of, they need you so stop thinking of yourself , stop wallowing in self-pity and think of your kids!
2006-10-22 17:03:22 · answer #7 · answered by ivy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing - my partner left me for a woman ten years younger - she was only 21. At first he saw our daughter on a regular basis but then when his girlfriend got pregnant he stopped seeing our daughter and won't let her see her half sister.
You have got to be the one to show your children some stability. You have to face the fact that your wife has left you - yes her relationship will fail at some point - but would you really want her back after what she's done?
I got angry but never in front of my daughter - your children will feel worse if they hear you bad mouthing their mother (even though she deserves it!). Punch something ( not someone)
Your friends and family will see you through - and you will come out the other side a stronger person - you have to for your children.
Good luckx
2006-10-23 04:28:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know maybe you need to take a good honest look at yourself to determine exactly what type of person am I. I think you are someone that is just not very likable over time something about your personality or something about you that isn't , well all that great. Your wife didn't leave you for no reason. Maybe you never listen, and the in laws don't like you either i think why don't you move on find another woman some old friends get out the house and socialize.
2006-10-22 16:54:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sounds like she is a selfish woman who painted you as the bad guy to her parents. In the end think about your kids. Do not let her use your love against you. Don't trust anything she says. Don't let her know about your depression she will use that against you. Be strong. Regardless of whatever she did if she becomes primary carer for the kids she can take the house from you. Get your self a good lawyer who will help you become their primary carer and get her to pay you child support. Remember your kids are also victims of your wife's selfishness and they are not stupid.
Good luck
2006-10-22 17:29:25 · answer #10 · answered by John T 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋