a few years ago, my husband was caught in an almost affair, where as the other woman didn't want any thing to

Question

do with him, so he decided to stick it out with me. I love him so much that i forgave him. well at least i thought i did. The last few days it has been pounding in my brain and i can't stop thinking about it. Well, last night my husband wanted to have sex but i just couldn't bring myself to be with him. Now tonight he is expecting it again, so what do i say to him or what do i do to get out of it. I don't want to discuss it because it just causes a fight and hurt feelings. any suggestions. Only serious answers plz.

Answer 1

Many women have been through this. Some marriages end in divorce, but the ones who don't are those women who truly forgave their husbands and moved on. It seems like you have already talked about this with him. If you can't forgive him, this marriage won't work. That's exactly what a counselor would say. He has done his wrong and moved on (hopefully). You can't go back in time and change anything, but you can change today.

I know you are very hurt, but what else can he do? Think about that. What would talking to him about it one more time do except throw it back in his face? This is a problem you have. He may have given you this complex, but as long as he is being faithful now, there's not much more he can do. I'm sure he is sorry. If not, then he will do it again and you two do need outside help. I would suggest counseling on your end right now to see if you can forgive him.

Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, but it doesn't mean constantly reminding him either.

Answer 2

I'm confused. What is an almost affair??? Either it happened or it didn't. So you decided to stick it out...your decision totally...and now this apparation in your mind tells you that you should not have sex with your husband? Look, either lay your feelings on the line or get off the pot. . I'm not even sure at this point that you have a reason to be submitting this question, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

Answer 3

I do not think it is going to be easy to get over that one. You turely have been decieved and time will make it easier, but it will never cure it. Just grit your teeth and smile when you see him, and try and be decent for your kids. The kids will be better off going thru the divorce now rather than going thru this again and seeing you in such pain trying to drift thru your feelings. I find it hard to belive that you will ever be able to trust after being raped of every ounce of trust and respect you had for your hubby and his family. The kids will understand, and the fact they want you to rekindle is a normal feeling for children going thru a divorce.. If you could try and find something else to focus on I think this would help. There are good people out there that will not treat you this way. If you are a strong enough person to take him back more power to you, but just know that it will not be an easy road for many years and may even be a lifetime struggle. Best of wishes for ya...

Answer 4

If the affair or attempted affair was few years ago, why you resent it now, you forgave it him then and there is no reason to dwell on it now. It seem to me you may have other subconscious reason for not wanting sex and that this is your convenient excuse.
Maybe some counseling will uncover the reasons for your disappointment. Couples counseling is very successful if both parties are willing to attend and really work on the relationship.

Answer 5

He decided "to stick it out with you" because the other woman didn't want to have anything to do with him?

Wow! If that's what you think (or, if that's really the way it was), then you have real issues to discuss.

I certainly can understand why you don't want to be physically intimate with him. But, you've got to straighten out that issue or your marriage will be doomed.

Trust is hard to renew, even after an "almost affair". But, if he stuck with you because you were the consolation prize after he was rejected, then how can you feel secure with him?

Answer 6

I was responding to your question about a drug problem, and I found that after putting much time in to my answer, you deleted the question, I hope you weren't asking this as a joke, if you were, shame on you. Here is my response:
My sister has a 24 year drug habit. She has been in prison about 5 times. She's been in county jail approximately 25 times. She's been in court ordered rehab. She's been in programs while in corrections. She has never put herself in rehab. She has never gone to a meeting that she wasn't court ordered to attend. I've raised her son half his life. I used to fight my sister to the ground to get her drugs away from her. I used to chase her friends away and call the police on all of them. So far, nothing has been successful. She's been out of jail for about 6 months, said she was clean, but accidently dropped a bag a crystal meth onto my floor. I've given up on trying to help her, but I haven't given up hope that someday, somehow she'll truly decide to quit. I can't pretend that I understand anything about addiction, because I don't. She has hurt our family, especially her son, so much, but the drugs make it so that she doesn't care. I wish my sister would take the initiave and go to rehab and move. You know more than anyone how easy it is to find drugs. Wherever you move to, if you really want drugs, you'll find them, but, I still think a change of scenery, and not seeing those old familiar faces could help. I also think that if YOU put yourself in rehab, it will have more impact than if you are court ordered or pressured by family. If you've gone to rehab and failed, try another rehab, and keep trying and keep trying and keep trying. Don't ever give up. I don't have the answer for what works, but I do know that giving up doesn't. Surround yourself with good people, and be honest with them. My sister is such a liar. I wish that just one time she'd say, "I'm having a hard time staying clean, please come with me to a meeting, or stay up and talk to me, please help." But she never has. I think in order to conquer a drug addiction, you have to conquer the addiction of lying. I wish I had something profound to say. I really hope you can find the answer you are looking for, and find a way to battle this demon.

Answer 7

Other then lying and saying u dont feel well, communication is the only answer.. If u cant talk about what is bothering u, its never going to get out of your system its only going to linger there till u do vent about it..

Answer 8

Tell him you have a headache, you dont feel well, you are tired,

or perhaps, talk this out with him and work on the reason why you dont want to have sex with him (his almost affair)

good luck, take care

Answer 9

Talking is far overdue! You must tell him that you are having a delayed reaction and come to find out, YOU don't want anything to do with him either. Then let him chase you if hes man enough!

Answer 10

The only way to solve problems in a marriage or any other realationship is to talk the problem out ,you cant expect it to work itself out when you are keeping all your feelings inside,then he will understand why you cant get close to him.