Why get married?

Question

I am not married, but I am spoken for. He wants to get married, but I am not so sure. Its not that I don't love him its that I don't see why it is so important. We have been together long enough that people think we are anyway. The only difference is my last name and no paperwork. I am the youngest out of six kids. None of my sisters or brother are married, but they too have been in a comitted realationship forever and have kids. I think it is odd that none of us are actually married! Is anyone else out there know what I am talking about and how I feel about marriage? What do you think?

I am not very religious. I don't need to show the public I love him anymore than I already have. I have lived with him for four years I call his parents my parents as he does mine. His daughter has his last name. We are eexactly the same as we would be married. I just don'tunderstand why people say when are you getting married? I just want to say something crude to them. I wear a wedding ring and let me tell you it doesn't matter. I still have men hit on me. I just can't see what else would be different?!

Answer 1

Marriage is a sacred bond between two people that cements a commitment to one another. Being in a relationship without marriage gives each partner a sincere feeling that they can walk away at anytime without repercussions or paperwork. Without being married and something happens to him, you are not entitled to any of his benefits such as social security, tax credits or relief, property such as real or personal. Besides, marriage is not painful. It can actually help solve issues sometimes.

Answer 2

I too am in a long term relationship and we may get married but no hurry. Do what feels right. But I hear you on everyone asking.. it gets annoying all the time especially since most my friends are engaged/married and or having babies (another wave again)
It is like they want to have an excuse to attend another wedding (yours) so they can eat a free meal and cake!

The only benefit as you may reap in your situation is a great tax break. But if you and your man are happy and commited to each other and don't "need" marriage then stay the way you are!

Answer 3

Do you like your self? do you have a dream of any kind or a life goal?? don't you want to be respected by your man??? why don't you respect your self enough to want a commitment??? Here's you...... live with a man (I'm guessing) no real commitment but you have sex right? you cook, clean, and do all the wify stuff but you don't get the respect because your not a wife. right? you should be asking why your not married and why has he NOT asked you or if he did why you said no.....no one else is married in my family is no good answer, and I would wonder why your mother never taught you that a women's role in life is that of Wife, Mother, Nurturer, and protector. and a MAN would respect his woman and want to make her his wife and share his name with her and be committed so his children will be legitimate..... you sound like a foolish girl right now, but your asking a question here so I'll bet your not... so smartin up,, you have big problems in your life you should be looking at. have the curage to ask your self very tough question and be willing to listen to the truth about your child hood and the way you were brought up because only in your child hood will you find the answers to your questions.......good luck....remember life with a husband is all about a true commitment made to each other befor GOD and your family,,, show you kids what it means to be a commited person in a real marrieage.....be the first in your family they will be shocked I bet.....


PS yea I see your piont, what you said in your details is totaly correct.....why would you want to be anything more then an un paid whore....by your own account your the one who won't marry, and I find that very strange most women want a commitment from a man and would leave if they didn't get it. but you don't want it so I would question again why that is. and I would question also why your asking any kind of question here because most women who are married would consider you nuts. you say theres no reason I say there is every reason. if you were my shack up girl friend and wouldn't marry me I would think there is something wrong with you. you went 90% of the way, made a kid live together why not go the rest of the way and make a commitment religious or not????? your argument holds no water. you are afraid of something, and what ever it is it is the same thing your mother was afraid of because she taught all you kids to fear it too.....

Answer 4

LOL.. I posted a question like this too. I really don't see the point in marriage to tell you the truth. My GF has been all over my case about marriage, but as it stands we already live together. I just built a house fo rher and I pay her expenses.. what more could there be that she's going to get out of marriage really. Neither one of us are religious and so there is no "God will stike you down for being sinners" kind of worries. I think humanity has outgrown the concept of marriage.

Answer 5

Most people get married if they are planning to have children and want mom, dad and children to have the same last name. That's just silly. You can do that without being married. A sincere loving relationship is far more important than a piece of paper saying it's "so".

Answer 6

I held off about 6 years with my husband. I didn't see any reason either. Afterward, I kept my maiden name anyway.

What brought me around to a wedding was the idea that it was important to him, I didn't want him to spend his life thinking that I had reason to not want to marry him. Like I was wanting to keep my escape hatch open, or I didn't think he was good enough for me despite my words to the contrary.

Of course, if you don't want to, than that's the end of it. don't get married unless you are sure.

Since I have been married, I have not regretted it. He looks at me differently, like he can commit himself deeper into our future. I didn't expect there to be a difference, but there is something subtle. I can't put my finger on it, but I am glad for it.

Answer 7

Your suppose to get married when you find that one person who brings out the best in you.. You fix areas you never knew were wrong until they awakened that part that says hey there's a fault to fix it. Their everything your not but want to be and you're everything their not but want to be, you love them more then anything or anyone else and would do anything to make them happy and you vow before God and everyone else this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. For better or worse, through it all. This is the ONE, you'll forsake for all others.

Answer 8

i was with my husband for 7 years b4 we got married. bought a house many cars lived together forever.... we were not gonna do it but one day he asked i said yeah and we did. it was fun. i guess its not really that different now i mean we act the same as b4, the wedding is an emotional and a special time to celebrate your relationship and your commitment to only each other. and we got a bigger tax return last year. and i took his name (which was cooler than mine ne ways) i plannned on being with him 4 ever anyways eitherway. i do agree though that most people that dont get married dont becuz somewhere inside them there is doubt if it will last. it is easier to walk out on a girlfriend than a wife i guess. he prolly wouldnt be askin if he didnt Love you --dont do it unless you do really love him. maybe you should ask your self what r the real benefits of being unmarried? good luck

Answer 9

i think that the reason that they want the paperwork to be done is to not only prove in the eyes of the law that you are in love but also so show an extra commitment. I understand where you are coming from but I also understand him. Think about it this way, if it is only paper, then why not make him happy if you love him, you know

Answer 10

if you are satisfied with your relationship and the way it is, then leave it. However, he might have a problem with you not wanting to marry. Sit down with him and tell him that you love him, but are not willing to take those few steps to the altar.

Hopefully he will understand. And if not, and it is so very important to him, he may decide to end the relationship and find someone who believes in marriage.