How come no one wants to get married and stay married?!?

Question

How come no one wants to get married and stay married!?!?
I am divorced. He was over in Iraq and decided he could commit adultery with another married woman he worked with and I wouldn't find out when he got home. I found out while he was over there and filed papers.

Both men and women do not take the time to get to know each other before they “commit” to each other OR they don’t show their true colors until the end.

We have a child and it’s even harder to get with someone that has the same beliefs as I do.

It seems like “cheating” is a normal thing out here in California. I don’t think it’s cool or funny and I blame the media, and the “no fault” California court system.

What ever happened to...Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep [him/her] For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And forsaking all others, be faithful only to [him/her] so long as you both shall live?

I feel like I should just stay single forever!

Well it is now nine months later. We are still fighting and trying to get a divorce. He is going to be marrying the girl that he cheated on me with when our divorce is finalized.

Answer 1

why is this in real estate? i am married and plan to stay married. hopefully my husband does too. but i know what you mean, people throw away their relationships these days just because of temptations. we are an instant gratification society.

Answer 2

I'd say it has more to do with the acceptability of divorce than anything else. In the REALLY early years, marriage was simply a way of having a binding contract for land holdings and such. Later, a woman got married to find a man to take care of her and a man got married to find a woman to take care of him and have his children. People got married early because marriage was an expectation and they stayed together, happy or not, because that, too was the expectation. Up until the 70's, divorce was taboo and rarely spoken of, if even done at all. Since you knew you had to STAY married, people took the person they married FAR more seriously.

In the late 60's and early 70's, people became more interested in marrying for love instead of it being for a more service oriented relationship. Once women began to realize that they did not have to be housewives that stayed with their husband regardless of his behavior, I think a turning point happened. It was actually okay to leave a person you weren't happy with and move on with your life to try and better yourself.

What ended up happening was a huge disconnect. Divorce slowly became mainstream and acceptable. People stopped really taking relationships as seriously, since you could always get divorced if things didn't work out right. It stopped being a last resort out of an abusive or otherwise unsatifying relationship and suddenly thought of it as a "do-over".

Essentially, the seriousness of the marriage commitment was dulled by the rise in the acceptable nature of divorce. However, don't think this means NO one takes it seriously. There are plenty of people out there who feel the same way you do about marriage being a real commitment, but maybe not where you are (after all, Hollywood has made divorce and cheating pretty popular!).

If you stay, make sure you spend time with a guy and learn a little about his family history to see where he and his people stand on such things. Is marriage a committment to them, or is it more of a rest stop on the road to another conquest?

Hope that helps! Oh, and don't despair if it takes a while. I met my husband of 7 years when I was almost 30 years old. Sometimes, it's just meant to be!

Answer 3

Most people who get married want to stay married. Life is simply not perfect as you have just experienced. There is a lot more to staying married than running to the divorce lawyer because your husband cheated on you during an extremely stressful time in his life. Before you throw away your marriage and the security your child has with both parents being married, consider finding a counselor who will help you sort your feelings out first. Find out if you have what it takes to forgive and not spend the rest of your life being suspicious every time he walks to the corner for a quart of milk. You never said how he feels about it; if he is sorry and ashamed, etc. If he is not, then run. If so, then you owe it to yourself and each other to try to work things out.

The reason why no one stays married is because it is so easy for you to run to the divorce lawyer as you are doing right now. Don't blame it on the state of California. I am from Michigan originally and it is just as easy there as it is here to run off without doing the tough kind of work it takes to stay married.

Answer 4

Actually I am one of the ones that me and my husband take our vows very seriously. We look but they aren't us. We will be married for 15 years this Oct 26, 2006.

We did one thing most couples do not do before they go get married. We both went to separate therapist and then a marriage counselor before we got married. We were still young and not ready for the commitment at that time. We had ourselves to work on and our relationship.

We learned what our quirks, annoyances and hot buttons where and when to walk away and when to talk.

The man i married is my soulmate. There is someone for everyone out there love is infinate there is always room to make more.

Every bday,valentine's day,anniversary etc. I will always get roses, a card, and chocolates and kisses all over and that's as far as i'm going.

When some people enter into a marriage I don't think they realize they are entering into a parternship for life. That's what that circle band is for better or worse etc.

As for him sleeping with someone your husband eww.. gross. I would have divorced him too.

Just be yourself and love with find you usually in the most strangest way.

Answer 5

It began with the sexual revolution of the sixties and seventies. Back then sex outside of marriage was rather taboo and marital responsibilities were taken seriously. If a man didn't take care of his wife it was "shame on him".

The excess of the seventies made casual sex more acceptable and divorce laws loosened. Generation X was born right into this mess. Growing up with divorced parents they learned that you didn't have to be committed to one person for life. As they matured into adults they brought the same ideas into their own relationships.

In short, blame the sexual revolution.

Generation Y is even worse. I'm 20 and my husband is 23; we're branded as freaks by some members of our generation for marrying the first people we did anything with. The others feel that sex without any type of relationship is better than commitment.

Don't you feel sorry for the children of these generations?

Answer 6

Being Married and your spouse is in the Military is tough!!! When spouses are gone for long periods of times, they will have tendencies to commit adultery, depending on his or her environment, situations, surroundings, etc: He could have been seduced or anything could have provoked it!! Then again he might not had done nothing!!! Is he still over there? How did you find out? Who told you? Did he tell you? You may even know the woman from maybe when he was home and you may have attended one of his unit or outfit parties or outings. You may even know her husband. Does he know?? And for some reason or another, other couples or individuals that are not happy with their relationships will have the tendencies to try and break up marriages that are having good relationships because theirs are not good. I don't know if you feel me on this but I could go on and on with this. But I don't and maybe you don't know the whole situation!!! I wouldn't jump the gun until you know the whole truth and nothing but the truth!!! I've been happily married for over 33 years and to have a good relationship is to "MAKE IT WORK" Do not listen to outsiders and do not believe everything yo hear!!!

Answer 7

this is what People now a days call new wave, do what ever they want they forgot what God said . a great deal of marriages have not been counseled by thier pastor if they have one . some have not been properly taught by thier parents. some didn't have a two parent family to observe the right thing to do. I could go on and on but you know the real truth.

Answer 8

i just read an article the other day on how the percentage of married people is declining while the number and percentage of people living together is increasing.in today's society many people are either too undecided or they rush in too early with out not knowing what is to happen!people can cheat because they just can and think that it will not get back to us but that is the problem! there is a lot of deja vu as i see it when it comes to marriage in today's society: my account, your account and our account! what kind of marriage is that where you have to split the bills half and half? i guess that a lot of people who get married realize that they want to have the freedom that they had before-flirt with this girl, that sort of thing! a lot of people do not want to committ and settle down with one person but rather to be having fun with their friends and sleeping with a new girl like every other day! most guys like my bf-no, we are not engaged or anything and most likely not getting married!-who are scared of committment and the promises made and the vowes taken when you say your "I do"'s! most guys want to havetheir cake and to eat it too which is sad or sometimes they see us women as naive and buying all the bs they are feeding us!for example my bf asked me if i would still love him in 20 years and i said yes because i meant it and he said the same thing and we both agreed to live to be 100 to see each otherat that age! look, i have a bf and i am still having married guys hit onme and trying to hangout with me and to get my number, guys with kids that are 3 and their wives waiting for them home and guys who are divorced and raising the kid as a single parent! there is always going to be temptation for people but i guess that your ex did not love you as he promised he would or otherwise he would have not hurt you that bad!

Answer 9

Every person that ever got married intended to stay married. Your husband just did not take his promise seriously where as you did.

Answer 10

Because they are afraid that if they get married they may not know the ANSWER to the QUESTION about which would be better for them: RENTING/REAL ESTATE. They may find they ask the wrong question at the wrong time and in the wrong place.