What happened to my lover?

Question

15 years ago I married my lover, all I have left now is the mother of my children. It used to be fun and exiting to be with her but now it hurts to breathe the same air. I have become just another appliance to her. It's tearing me apart to choose between staying with my kids or saving my sanity from her. Even though I support the family, have a good house, cars, and everything else is never enough for her. What went wrong? What should I do?

There is not much to talk about after 15 years! All have been said. From her point of view I'm the most gross, obnoxious person in this planet. But I still pay the bills! From my point of view all she does is stay at home mom watching Oprah on how bad men are to women.

When the kids are first and last there is no room for anything else! She doesn't even trust baby sitters!

Answer 1

Get out Get out fast. Nothing is harder on kids then growing up in a house not filled with true love. Times change and people change its a horrible truth that all of us have to face. It really dose sound like you care about your kids so keep them in mind when you make your mind up on this stay or go thing. In the us right now only 1 of every 4 couples stay together. Most people never really now how they will change when the big things in life go down. I will be marrying two good friends of mine soon. And before I even see them walk the isle I will tell them to not stay together just because of a child. Let your feelings be known to her tell her how you really feel. If she is worth any thing she will try to change for you or at the lest work with with you to give you a fare amount of time with your kids. This is really tough to deal with. I wish you the best of luck.

P.S. its very expensive and extremely rare that counseling works in this case. Good Luck

Answer 2

Welcome to the "real" world!. Did you really think that hot, passionate romance would last forever? This is the "real" test of love. When a woman has children; that alone will wear her down. When I was raising my 4 kids years ago; having hot passionate sex was the last thing on my mind. And another thing, it's not only the woman that goes through changes, men, believe it or not, change, too. EVERY SINGLE MARRIED COUPLE goes through what you're going through. You said the vows; "for better or for worse;" well, this is part of the worse. The decisions you choose today will affect your whole future. Many many divorces have happened for exactly the same reason. Alot of times it's because of selfishness. And if you feel this way, then it sounds to me there is no communication. Anyway, how do you know everything is not good enough for her? Did you ask her? If she's unhappy, why? You know, cars, a nice house, and material things do not make a person happy. Take it from me; I know.

Answer 3

Routine and kids. Maybe try counciling. Or a romantic getaway. If you suprise her with something like a romantic evening or something both of you can do together and she isn't pleased or flattered, then maybe she doesn't care about romance anymore. If you can't respark that fire then maybe you have no choice but to leave. Sounds like its just commitment with no love. An arrangement for living. Not a loving relationship. But definitely try as hard as possible to get the romance back, because you obviously have alot at stake. Breaking up a family scars people forever in ways you'd never even realize.

Answer 4

I went thru the same thing.We tried the counseling and it did not work. We were constantly arguing and it seemed we never got along anymore. I tried to work longer hours and i tried to keep myself busy when i was not at work. All that did was make us grow further apart. I finally got divorced and i tell you what, not only was i happier my kids are still grateful to me for getting divorced. They no longer have to live with us arguing all the time and there is finally peace in the house. I have been divorced now for 6 years and my x wife and i still do not get along but at least we can have normal conversations. She is getting help for her depression which was our major problem when we were married but we did not know much about it back then.
I would have to say get her checked for depression, it is a very common thing with women around 40.

Answer 5

Do you still love her? 15 years is a lot to give up on. My husband and I have gone through something similar. He worked long hours to support us. I left a flourishing career to be home with our children. Raising children is exhausting. Keeping up with the house the family the bills can consume a marriage. I at times treated my husband like he was a piece of furniture, he sometimes treated me the same. I went through a phase where I forgot how to be me. I was mom or wife and I felt no sense of self. It made me unhappy and depressed. I was unsatisfied with everything. Sometimes I directed my unhappiness toward my husband. Making him feel completely to blame. He put up defenses in return. I hope you and your wife can take time to talk to eachother about what you are feeling and going through. We did and I am glad we didn't give up on eachother.

Answer 6

I wish people wouldnt autoamtically blame you... if you are obnoxious, stop it. If you ignore her, start paying attention...
If you have all your ducks in a row and she still behaves badly, then divorce.
Don't ignore the cancer of bitterness and think it will go away. It only grows... see a councelor alone for a while then with her. But chances are it wont help.

There are 5 basic needs of a man and a woman (different for both) and if you dont meet them, it wont last.

Answer 7

Greetings HedZy! If it could take place to me, it extremely can take place to every physique else, which contains your self. There are those events as quickly as I take excitement in the sounds of silence, no longer the Simon & Garfunkel music. different cases, i like to tutor the channels or watch video clips. possibly you have grown bored of what you presently own or are in desperate prefer of a few new CDs. It occurs. KMFDM - Apathy enormous apple unfastened - Apathy is Golden Apocalyptica - i do no longer Care Drill - ought to You Care

Answer 8

nothing happen to ur lover, its u, u stoped loving ur lover. u cant do much. if it hurts just to breathe the same air then get ur own air go somewhere for a alittle while and think it over and then if u still feel the same way then u might have to leave ur lover.

Answer 9

if you haven't tried counciling ask her to go,if she refuses than she is not interested in saving the marriage.lots of marriages have been saved this way. she is probroly depressed, needs to get on some medication to help her. she mostlikely hates herself more than she dislikes you.read a good book once that said it's how we see our maker is how we will treat others.good luck and hope for the best for you.

Answer 10

You know things change over time, of course it was exciting in the beginning, duh!

Talk to your wife and tell her how you are feeling. You may be surprised to find out that she does not want to feel disconnected from you either.