My best friend is straight and i rele like him, but i dont want to ruin our friendship. Everytime im with him i want to flirt and with him but i dont want to weird him out.
2006-10-22 15:27:37 · 22 answers · asked by Fresca0720 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Ask if he has a gay brother or friend.
2006-10-22 15:29:46 · answer #1 · answered by vin0789 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in the same situation, so I know how much it sucks. It's hard for me to see her and hear her talk about her relationships when I feel the way I do about her. And I'm afraid to say a word about it 'cause I don't want to make things awkward between us, but at the same time, it's starting to become harder for me to keep my feelings from affecting my relationship with her (I've started to distance myself from her because of the difficulty I'm having keeping my romantic feelings and jealousy out of our friendship).
Unfortunately, there's not much you can do. If you're 100% sure he's straight, then telling him or flirting with him may either drive him away completely, or at the very least make things awkward. And obviously, you can't just flip a switch and turn off your feelings either. The only thing you can do is ask yourself, which is more important - your friendship with him, or chasing a fantasy that will never come true since he's straight? If you choose your friendship, then you're just going to have to keep resisting the urge to flirt with him, no matter how difficult it is. Keep the faith that one day you will find someone who will feel the same way about you as you feel about them. Until then, be strong.
2006-10-22 17:48:55 · answer #2 · answered by goldenrose82 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really care about your heterosexual friend, then you won't flirt with him. You KNOW that's not his cup of tea, so flirting with him is harrassment, in my opinion. People are who they are, and you cannot make them into something that is against their nature. If you try to flirt with him, that is what you are doing.
Trust me. You might as well learn this lesson at a young age. Find other gay men who will appreciate the fact that you are interested in them. It's better for everyone, including you. It's very frustrating to chase someone who will never see you as anything but a friend. And of course, you run the risk of losing your friendship by harrassing him.
2006-10-22 16:08:43 · answer #3 · answered by Angry Gay Man 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure he's straight? He could just be really hard to read. No one believed that I could be bi when I suggested it a year ago, but I am.
Just flirt with him subtly and if he doesn't react negatively, then keep up the flirting. If he does get weirded out, then just brush it off and make a joke out of it.
Or you could come clean to him and tell him that you like him and see where your friendship goes from there.
Personally, I would opt for the subtle flirting--it's easier to get out of when you've dug yourself a hole.
Good luck!
2006-10-22 15:31:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unless he's interested in you the same way, your going to ruin a good friendship...but then I have to wonder why a straight man is great friends with a gay person...he might like you also.
2006-10-22 15:49:58 · answer #5 · answered by Lipstick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's common to find yourself falling for a close friend because you know them so well, they know you, and they're fun people to hang out with.
If your friend is open-minded and kind, he'll probably be flattered and perhaps a little worried about losing your friendship if he doesn't return your feelings.
If, unfortunately, your friend isn't accepting, he may freak out and you might lose him as a friend.
It's a really tough position to be in. If you value your friendship, knowing there would never be a more intimate relationship between you, it may be better to just enjoy your friend as a friend and not as a potential partner.
2006-10-22 15:33:54 · answer #6 · answered by Jen Diamond 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not go there unless you are prepared to deal with the consequences.
I have known gay dudes, and I'm perfectly fine with lifestyle choices that others make. But flirting and even discussing your crush with others may backfire.
I knew a gay guy at a job I had once in college. It was at a discount superstore. He told one of my coworkers he thought I was "cute." This completely weirded me out to the point that I avoided him from that point on. I was actually quite friendly with him prior to that.
I'm somewhat liberal and I'm pro-gay marriage. I've even visited a lesbian friend who works at the production office of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy! But I'm straight.
There are some who would probably say that I'm petty and small for not just "getting over" such flirtation or comments by a gay guy; but that's just not the way it is with many people.
You may get lucky, and this dude is a more mature and liberal person than I am. But even liberal people have their limits in tolerance.
Unfortunately, I think many conservatives would react violently; so avoidance behavior on my part is somewhat milder. Be careful.
I would expend my efforts on others who shared my same sexual orientation. You may lose a friend if you confront him.
Nonetheless, you may get to the point that you have strong feelings and you're in agony over it. It would be better to go to him directly and just tell him how you feel. I wouldn't flirt with him. I wouldn't tell others who would tell him indirectly either. You must prepare for him to get upset or weird. I'd say something in a very public place. You should be acutely aware that this could end your friendship.
Calculate the risk versus gain.
On a final note, I had a girl who I knew as an acquaintance who I found irresistable - the complete package. Smart, nice, and beautiful. Unfortunately, she had a boyfriend. But he was living in a different state. They weren't engaged, so I felt that she was still on the market to a certain extent. I felt that the risk of losing her completely was less than the potential reward. I asked her out, and she told me she couldn't because of her boyfriend. It took a lot of courage to ask her out, but I did; and I'm glad. At least I know now and I wasn't a wuss about it. I tried. So many times I've had feelings for a girl and now I'm still wondering now what would have happened if I'd have expressed them.
I have 2 female friends from high school who are both happily married now. I certainly had romantic feelings for one of them, and physical attraction to the other. But the risk of losing them as friends was MUCH greater than the potential reward. I still regard them as close friends and went to a wedding this summer to see one get married.
Risk vs. Gain.
2006-10-22 15:37:36 · answer #7 · answered by doogsdc 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Grit your teeth, keep your hands to yourself, and enjoy what little you can have. I had that with a gorgeous straight guy until a mutual acquaintance chose to out me. I lost a friend, not just a lover I never could have had.
2006-10-22 15:47:53 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh god, don't, move on, or it is you who will get hurt. My best friend has done this countless times with strait guys, and he is always on the phone the next day bitching to me about how it didn't work, and the friend leaves and he is hurt. Do yourself a favor and find someone else.
2006-10-22 15:33:44 · answer #9 · answered by Sarah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't flirt with him. If he's straight, don't waste your time persuing something you're not going to get, and don't do anything to ruin your friendship.
2006-10-22 18:08:03 · answer #10 · answered by ByTheSea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough lesson to learn.
A Zebra doesn't change his stripes.
Your going to have to move on eventually.
I'm sure there is some hottie somewhere who can't wait to meet you.
Good Luck
Jude
2006-10-22 15:32:26 · answer #11 · answered by Jude M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋