What does one do when his wife/girlfriend's libido is 1/20th of his own?

Question

He has patience, caring, affection and desires he has made known.

1) bigmarcus, you need to learn how to read!

2) Communication is there. It's all about libido.

Answer 1

You seem sensitive, informed & willing to make her happy. When you have tried everything & love her...it's a tough question to answer. I guess acceptance...unless you are willing to let go of the relationship.

Some women have low sexual desires even when the male is caring & responsive to her needs. Sure I can tell you to "make love to her" the whole week including phone calls, back rubs, trinkets etc. But that will not guarantee someone with low sexual desire will want more.

It is unlikely that she will change unless she wants to seek help. Baring that, the decision to stay or go is up to you. Sex means different things for men & women. It is not just a physical thing but also emotional, spiritual, a way to connect etc.

Good luck!

Answer 2

The odds of raising her labido is about as good as winning the lottery. This will kill a marraige. You need to at least have what I call overlap... if she can have it 1 to 3 times a week and he wants it 3-6 times then thier desires overlap at 3... a bigger overlap is better. This overlap theory goes for more than sex.

The short answer is, break up before you have kids and are stuck... you will be in hell your whole life if you are that far out of sync.

By the way, there is NO evidence that he is not doing anything she wants... so "WONDERING" can try answering the question and not insist that the world revolve around women... women have 50% of the sexual responsibility too you know!

Answer 3

Try counseling. She may have reasons that her libido is low - finding out is something that may take time. Pain, hormonal changes, self-esteem - these are all issues that may need to be addressed. It may not be completely her either. She may be trying to spare your feelings regarding things that bother her - B.O., halitosis, technique, lack of foreplay, too much foreplay, or the wrong kind of foreplay. Learn her love language - read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. That book could probably save most relationships if more couples read it.
Good luck!

Answer 4

Does he make his desires known bluntly or does he use romance to communicate. Sometimes a little bit of foreplay that lasts from the middle of the day till the time of sex is so nice and exciting. Flirting with phone calls, messages, emails, whatever to start the sex far before there is anything physical, is wonderful.

Answer 5

SOMETIMES libido is not the most important thing in life. Start doing things that SHE wants to do...you'd be surprised what a turn-on she finds it. Sounds like you're only thinking of yourself, no matter how patient, caring and affectionate you think you are. Obviously, she's looking for more than that.

Answer 6

Let me know what you figure out because my fiancee's libido is about 1/20th of my own and it presents itself as a serious problem.

Good luck... :-)

Answer 7

Maybe you're just disgustingly fat and unattractive, so again I say, hit the gym. Even if she's cheating on you and getting hosed by some large black man, still, hit the gym. You will look better and eventually you will find an internet whore who has the same amount of libido.

Answer 8

tell her what you are feeling. COMMUNICATE!!!
do not make her feel like she is a problem. but let her know what you think. it may just be that you don't know why she is like that. it may be a way to be more open to different things.
she may think you need it too much. but when you talk about it, you may be able to compromise!
COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY!!!

Answer 9

Wonderings answer was awesome. I don't mean to rude but, Please, get a hobby. Sex is a very small part of a marriage. Especially a good one. Good women are hard to find.

Answer 10

Get 19 more just the same.