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Okay. my friend started cheating on her husband a while ago but she doesnt know that I know (I have proof so I'm not just assuming). Anyway I really like her husband (not in a sexual way, just as a friend), and I know he'd be crushed if he found out, but not only is she putting herself at risk but shes putting him at risk too. She sleeps around with men she barely knows that she met online. She's admitted to me that she's not sure if she loves him anymore so shes just using him because she cant afford to live on her own. Should I tell him? and what is the best way to go about it? I dont want to make her mad at me but I dont think he deserves to have a wife that cheats on him all the time.

2006-10-22 15:11:45 · 34 answers · asked by Dani 7 in Family & Relationships Other - Family & Relationships

Thanks to everyone who took time to read the ENTIRE question..but its obvious that some didnt so I'll say this one more time. I DO NOT HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM. I wouldnt tell so that he'd leave her and be with me, cus A- Im not dumb enough to think that'd work and B- ew? he's like a brother to me, you dont date your brothers. Im not attracted to him at all, he's just my friend.
Also Ive tried confronting her without actually letting on that I know. When she tells me that these men online talk dirty to her I try telling her that they dont care about her at all, all they want is sex, and who knows what kind of disease they have but she doesnt listen.

2006-10-22 15:27:12 · update #1

34 answers

first thing i would tell my friend that they have a time period to tell all to their spouse otherwise you will. tell her that because of the risk of aids you will not allow her lifestyle choices to ruin him for life. make sure you tell her u do not hate her, but cannot approve of what she is doing. this will cause some discomfort between you to for a while, and may even end the friendship. but true Friends lead their Friends out of trouble not stand by and watch them dig a hole deeper for themselves. take the high moral ground on this one, if you loose her as a friend, because of it, remember that you may have saved another friend from a death sentence.

2006-10-22 15:20:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

No. For one thing if you tell him it will start trouble (well open the can of worms that is already there). She'll be angry with you, and he'll be angry with you. If you really want to help, try to find a way to let him know without HIM knowing it was you that said it to him. Or her.

But you see? That is the problem. It is basically a lose/lose situation. If she is dropping her panties for guys she barely knows then she has no respect for herself, or for her husband. She could get an STD (aids, syphillis, hiv, hpv, etc) and give it to him.


So she said this to you? Tell her as a friend these same things.

Marriages that last and are the happiest ALL GO THROUGH difficult times. And those where the husband and wife work together are the happiest, even if they seemed not to be at the time. Studies demonstrate that 5 years later the couple that fought to survive in their marriage reported being happier, having better sex, and a better life than those that divorced, and she is headed that way if she doesn't stop the sexual russian roulette.

Additionally, she'd be better off dedicating her life to Christ and putting him first, then she'll know what to do with and for her husband. Him too, for her.

2006-10-22 15:19:06 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0 0

Stay out of it...I have been there and done that. Although you are a friend u will then become the outcast. Let them deal with their relationship on their on. They will really hate u if u get involved.They always say that they won't have hard feelings toward u.but if u tell, things will never be the same.

2006-10-22 15:16:15 · answer #3 · answered by Me 3 · 0 0

If you tell, you will lose your friend, but be honest with yourself, do you really want her as a friend? Who needs friends that have no scruples, that lie, that cheat?

He deserves to know, and the first thing he should do is get tested for STD's and HIV.

If you have any integrity at all, you won't care about losing her for a friend. Ask him to meet you for coffee and once he gets there tell him you have something very difficult to tell him. Have your proof, and be gentle.

2006-10-22 15:19:32 · answer #4 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0 0

Are you sure this woman is your friend? Cause it doesn't sound like it! I mean how could you really be friends, when you are so against all the things she's doing? If you are going to tell him, make sure it's for the right reason, otherwise stay out of it, and find another friend.

2006-10-22 15:16:51 · answer #5 · answered by rebecca_sld 4 · 0 0

I would want to know before she took me to the cleaners. if you are really good friends I would tell, but if you have something to gain like your friend as a boyfriend i would not tell.As his wife would say that you were telling him that to break them up so you can have him.
Maybe drop some hints would be best!
However it will put an end to your friend ship with your girl friend for sure.

2006-10-22 15:19:36 · answer #6 · answered by Redmac1 2 · 0 0

Really, don't tell. You'll only cause all kinds of hurt with both of your friends. It's their business, and it should remain so, even though I'm sure it's killing you that you know she's going to hurt him. You just can't get involved....believe me, some how it will wind up all your fault, and they both will never speak to you again. try talking to your girlfriend, and getting her to stop, or maybe get counseling for her and her husband, but don't tattle!!!!

2006-10-22 15:16:36 · answer #7 · answered by Judith O 3 · 0 0

I can tell you this if you tell , you will be short a friend, or 2. this is a hard place to be in and you need to think about what you are doing.

2006-10-22 15:17:26 · answer #8 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0 0

It's not your job to tell she's cheating. Maybe just to reminder her that she has a husband who treats her well, many husbands don't treat their wifes well. Every guy isn't going to wipe you off your feet and carry you away into wonderland. Be happy with what you have.

2006-10-22 15:15:28 · answer #9 · answered by regwoman123 4 · 0 0

I know it's hard not to betray your friend...but I believe the husband deserves to know. I agree she is putting herself at risk...and her husband unknowingly at risk, which is not fair to him or his health. If those who are wanting other sex than with their partner, they need to end the ties and move in with it. I couldn't ever cheat because of the guilt and respect for my partner.

2006-10-22 15:15:23 · answer #10 · answered by SMILEYGIRL 2 · 0 0

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