If you can tell from some of my recent questions, I am thinking a lot about a proper functioning relationship. Since I am not in one, this is totally hypothetical. Anyway, how do you properly communicate with a partner if he/she does something either you do not appreciate or he/she said would not be done in the first place? I wonder because such communication has to be careful not to seem domineering but yet communicate the seriousness of feeling. How to find middle ground with that kind of communication?
2006-10-22 14:46:52 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
really i wanna know
2006-10-22 14:50:05 · answer #1 · answered by evening_dewpoint 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing that I have found to use in these situations is to let things cool off a little after something happens that bothers you (usually overnight works for me), then catch your spouse sometime the next day when she is in a mostly relaxed state and ask if you can talk about some things. Then just simply bring it up. Try not to use "you" statements, for instance "You made me feel bad when...", instead use I statements "The other day I felt bad when...". This will help you to avoid sounding domineering or agruementative. Then, after you've brought it up, DROP IT. Don't harbor ill will...that's the worst thing you can do.
2006-10-22 14:57:07 · answer #2 · answered by missapparition 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't accuse, first of all. Be open and honest, without condemning. Get to know each other. If he or she really is serious about knowing and loving you, when they find out what you want and need, they will try to do that. If they don't, even if they know (and they can only know if you tell them) then consider someone else.
People in dedicated serious relationships try to find time for each other, to help each other, to respect each other, to have mutual submission one to the other.
Love is the key, not romance cuz that doesn't last, but real genuine love. Read 1 Cor 13 to find the definition.
2006-10-22 14:50:05 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should be able to say anything you want to your partner, without being disrespectful. I say what's on my mind to my boyfriend. I'm straightforward and honest, and he is the same with me.
I don't believe in beating around the bush, or sending subtle hints. Just open your mouth and say whatever with a smile in your heart.
2006-10-22 14:56:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you must be unaccusing.
tell how you feel and what you need.
i feel frustrated when i trip over laundry on the way to the bathroom, because i need a clear path to walk
make sure you take responsibility for your feelings and needs.
i feel tired when i am waked up many times in the night. i need to sleep to be ready for work.
your feelings and your needs are your responsiblity.
when you make a request make sure you make it clear their cooperation is voluntary:
would you be willing to pick up the laundry right now?
would you be willing to vacuum the hall if i cook dinner?
try studying marshall rosenberg's nonviolent communications
2006-10-22 14:51:20 · answer #5 · answered by Sufi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 5yrs and well communication is key and I don't think there is a perfect way to tell someone they have upset you. you have to just bare it and say. You know when you said you didn't like what I made for dinner? well that hurt my feeling ! just have to deal
2006-10-22 14:52:21 · answer #6 · answered by cc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think it's all in the way you word it.instead of saying you did this or that,making the person feel defensive.you can say i feel that you have been or feel that you have done whatever.
2006-10-22 15:11:51 · answer #7 · answered by spazzzz67 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truly respect each other- it should be no problem just to say "Hey you really hurt me" or "I wish you wouldn't do that around me".
2006-10-22 14:50:10 · answer #8 · answered by lonelykuroinu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whoa buddy to big of words for me to function
2006-10-22 15:09:11 · answer #9 · answered by Stephanie C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say stop or i will tear you a new one!
2006-10-22 14:53:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I don't like it when you do/say ______. Can you not do/ say that anymore?
(Use a nice, pleasant, calm tone.)
2006-10-22 14:49:37 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋