My husband & I love each other. At least I always thought he loved me & we have a problem. We've both been out of work for 3 weeks now (we were layed off of different jobs). I have been actively looking & submitting my resume everywhere + I am with some temp. agencies. He's looked very little & won't sign up with any temp. agencies. He thinks no one will give him a job because he is 59 yrs old and he doesn't really have any skills. I think he might be using that as an excuse, I'm not sure. Anyhow, tonight he picked a fight with me. I tried not to fight with him. Then he gave me the silent treatment & went to bed without talking to me. I did make the attempt to talk to him, but all he wants to do is fight. I think he doesn't love me anymore.But I love him so much it hurts. I can't live this way. It's hard enough just trying to find a job to pay the bills. What do I do now ? Why did he pick this fight ? I can't cope with trying to find a job & him acting this way towards me too. HELP !
2006-10-22 14:43:14 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I already tried talking to him tonight to no avail. He wants to fight not talk.
2006-10-22 14:48:18 · update #1
I need him to understand that this is stressful for me as well but he won't talk. I can't do this anymore.
2006-10-22 14:51:47 · update #2
Come on people..it has nothing to do with ego. I'm trying to save my marriage here.......
2006-10-22 14:53:47 · update #3
Relax...go to bed and get a good nights sleep. Things will look better in the morning. You're stressed right now, but sleep will lessen the stress, and both of you can think more clearly. Talk to him then, very calmly, and not accusatory. He will respond more favorably after a night's rest. Good Luck!!
2006-10-22 15:20:59 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men's egos are tied up in their performance. If he is out of a job, then he probably thinks that is an indicator of his worth as a man. If he is picking fights it is because he is trying to justify his subconscious opinion that he deserves what he got (fired, etc.) Don't play into the arguments. Just ignore it. Continue to treat him decently with respect. Guys eat that up, at least this guy does. You can bet if I was under stress, and a woman took the time to be sympathetic, and all, I'd like it.
And if you put Christ first in your life and make Him the center of your marriage, it will be better for you.
2006-10-22 15:01:52 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow i am sorry to hear your troubles -- but it sounds like the stress of being layed off is more the issue than whether or not he loves you or doesn't love you.
Being layed off is a jolt to anyone's mindset -- for it to happen to both of you is tough. Unfortunately men don't always handle stress as well as women which could be why things are so much more difficult for him.
Be patient and love him -- maybe suggest talking to someone but more than anything just be patient and give him space for now and see if things get better. This is a tough time for both of you.
2006-10-22 14:50:08 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you seem to be a very loving and devoted wife, which your husband should be very proud of....anyways, maybe your husband is having anxiety over the job loss and he doesnt know how to express his frustration rather than by treating you that way, which i feel isnt fair...but try to understand him and tell him how you feel about it...let him know that in spite of the situation you both are facing right now, your love for him hasnt change at all and you would be with him during this trial times. try to focus more on your finding a new job and. set as an example for your husband by showing positive spirit in resolving your dilemma. dont feel that he doesnt love you anymore, men find it hard to cope with their emotional battles especially when it matters about their ego...losing a job is a hard blow for them so be patient and try to understand him...meanwhile, be as nice as ever to him even if he isnt being nice to you...let him feel you love him for what he is...
2006-10-22 15:00:25 · answer #4 · answered by just curious 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
write him a letter, not now when he wakes up let him see it first thing in the morning, tell him about your insecurituies.... tell him u dont think he loves u anymore, tell him its stressful trying to find a job especially with u 2 fighting.... explain to him word for word how u feel.
2006-10-22 15:24:38 · answer #5 · answered by Tina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm... maybe he's feeling a little worthless because he is unemployed. It may not have anything to do with you. If you can muster up the strength to put your ego aside for awhile and try to be understanding and supportive, maybe he'll come around.
2006-10-22 14:52:35 · answer #6 · answered by Jack 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think he sounds really depressed and sounds like he has given up on himself. he needs to get his confdence back it is really hard to find a job at 59 let alone being unskilled. mabe talk to him and let him know how much you love him. i think proberbly the best place to find a job might be as a consol opperator as they like to train you there way. try putting your name down at plenty of service stations thats how i got my job good luck i am sure he loves you as much as you love him.
2006-10-22 14:55:53 · answer #7 · answered by Linda S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LAY OFF... YOU ARE PUSHING TOO HARD. fINANCIAL TROUBLES ARE THE LEADING CAUSE OF DIVORCE. DO WHAT YOU MUST FOR YOURSELF AND HIM...IF HE WON'T LOOK FOR A JOB TRY TALKING ABOUT THAT NOT THE REST OF THE " DO YOU STILL LOVE ME?" CRAP. sAVE THAT FOR A LESS STRESSFUL TIME. FOCUS ON THE MAIN ISSUE OF MAKING SURE YOUR HOUSEHOLD IS TAKEN CARE OF. HE PROBABLY IS GOING THROUGH A SLIGHT DEPRESSION AND NEEDS SOME SPACE...GIVE IT TO HIM...PLEASE...GET A CHEAP HOBBY THAT WILL KEEP YOUR MIND OFF OF YOUR TROUBLES.
2006-10-22 15:25:11 · answer #8 · answered by BB'sMom 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
maybe he cant cope with his job loss. He might be going through depression too. Sit down and ask him
2006-10-22 14:47:17 · answer #9 · answered by pink9364 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋