Are any of you lesbians by choice?

Question

Are any of you lesbians by choice?
My last Q seems to have drawn some one or two knee-jerk reactions. I posed the question twice, which some people completely ignored.... Are some by choice? Are you by choice, a lesbian? Or you can NOT help it? That's all I wanted to know. Let me clarify... Yes, I've been in an all female college and I observed plenty! I like the way they look-masculine, and yes, some don't look masculine and they were paired up! I DO realize those generalizations, but You have to start with generalizations to create theories! What my aim was to test that hypothesis, but in no way did I expect a bludgeon hurling at me! Can I ask a question without being told I'm an idiot? I am merely info-seeking, not JUDGMENTAL! If you can't rationally read a question and think of a more reasoned reply, please don't reply!--Because I was in a study-mode, not a judgmental mode! Sorry truly to those kindhearted people out there I may have accidentally offended... :(

Answer 1

Neither my partner nor myself had much sexual experience when we first saw each other. We both were the soul the other was looking for and we both happened to be in a woman's body. We weren't planning on being lesbian but we ended up that way. I love her dearly, and she's my Best Beloved after 26 years. That's our story, dearheart, without insults. Blessings.

Answer 2

It's a really touchy question you're trying to ask. I don't pretend to know the answer. I know a lot of people feel really strongly about it being not a choice, and I think at least most of the time it's not any kind of conscious decision. (I think I have met a couple people who said they chose, but really a very very small number, and I know a lot lot of glbt people, being one myself.)
One advantage of sticking with the "sexuality is innate/genetic/not a choice" camp is that it makes the stance against legal discrimination stronger (i.e. if I can't choose to be different than I am, then my sexual identity should not be any more ok to discriminate against than a black person's being black). However, I don't know that there's really any conclusive scientific evidence that sexual orientation is innate or genetic (there have been a few studies that seemed to point in that direction, but not what the scientific community considers "proof"). And I for one am not sure I want a "gay gene" to be discovered, if such a thing actually exists, because I do wonder about parents having DNA testing to see if their child had the "gay gene" and aborting if it did, the way female fetuses are still often aborted in a number of countries in Asia. Or they might try to come up with some crazy gene therapy to "fix" us. Who knows.
(Wouldn't that be an interesting dilemma though, for people whose religious doctrine made them both anti-abortion and anti-gay. They'd have to decide between aborting - killing the living fetus - or bringing another "gay" into the world?)

Answer 3

To some extent, yes. I do like both, but since I'm in the process of switching from male to female, I'm a little uncomfotable with the idea of dating a man right now. I'm probably 80% lesbian and 20% straight when it comes down to who I find attractive out of the "normal" population. I'm starting to use the labels genderqueer and queer more often now to describe myself anymore. I'm starting to look beyond this 2 sex-2gender system though and wouldn't mind a relationship with someone that doesn't fit into the main two categories. Then again I decided to transition instead of killing myself, so you could say that because of that I chose to be a lesbian. Hope this helps!

Answer 4

I don't think you choose to be a lesbian. I struggled for many years before I came out. I had many boyfriends but just didn't find it fulfilling and didn't have sex with any.

I found that I thought - no it is wrong to be a lesbian so i must be with men - but that didn't work. I met my partner, she is my first and only, through friends and there was something there. That is when I could no longer hide my lesbianism.

It has been found to be in your genetics. I know that my cousin is also a lesbian so I figure there is something there is my fathers side of the family. It's definately not a choice.

Answer 5

No I am not a lesbian "by choice" as you put it. I have always had feelings for women, and I've never had an attraction to a man, ever. I apologize on behalf of those who insulted you. But do try to understand that we hear these questions all the time, and it gets old. Often,the people who ask this question are not very nice about it either. So, again, I apologize for all those who insulted you.

Answer 6

Well I think I am a little different than most. I feel sometimes that I have chosen it. and other times I feel like this is what I am suppose to be, this is where my life has lead me.....let me explain.

I am a 23 year old female that has has several relationships with all men. Good and bad. I have had a female friend I grew up with since I was 7 or so. At first we were just like sisters but with a difference. We always role played back and forth each of us switching off being the male role, until several years into it she decided she would stick with the male role. We got more and more physical in these role playings. This was around early teenage years. I then started dating and although our role playing was less than before it never stoped. I then moved in with a boyfriend (around 17years old) and would see her on weekend, and those weekends that I spent the night we would go right back to role playing. This continued while we both had relationships until one day we decided that it was each other that made us happy.

It just sort of evolved. I think we used the role playing so we would not feel that what we were doing was bad (we were both raised by southern baptist) It came to a point when I was 18 or 19 that I realized that I could not pick between her and a boyfriend and the boyfriend would have to learn to live with us both. (strickly as her being a roommate as far as he knew) I felt I owed her so much for all that she has done for me in my life and that i could not leave her. When I thought about how most girls married and their husbands became their life and they rarely seen their female friends anymore I could not imagine that for me and her. When I realized that there was not a man that could understand my bond with her and that it was her that made me more happy than a man could because we share a best friend/lover connection I gave up my search for the right man.

This came to us both while we were going through a dry spill after both of us ending very long and mine very damaging relationships. In this two years we became closer. She moved into my room, at first it was because I had a hard time falling asleep in the bed alone after sharing a bed with my last boyfriend for two years, then after she fell asleep several times waiting for me to go to sleep she just stayed. Then we started showering together. and now it is history!

Email me anytime if you have anymore questions or need more information on this. [e-mail]

Answer 7

The only choice involved was to live with my partner. We met at our office through mutual interests. I was not aware of lesbian issues [over 42 years ago ] but after3 years Gwen and I head a serious talk as to whether we should remain just friends or continue as the relationship seemed to be heading. Thanks be, we lived in joy for 42 years.
Kind regards, Rose P.

Answer 8

I did not choose to be a lesbian.
I did choose to be honest with myself.
I did choose to act upon my attraction to the feminine spirit, mind and body.
I could choose to be with a man or remain celibate and lie about my feelings but that would be choosing to be dishonest with myself and everyone else.
I was never abused, I was never mistreated by a man, I am not unattractive, I have had men attracted to me, I have a good relationship with my mother, I have a good relationship with my father and was raised in a religious home that taught homosexuality was wrong. So none of those (reasons, excuses, assumptions) apply to me.
I choose not to live a lie to please others. I am an individual and my life reflects no one else's and my choices only apply to me.

Answer 9

No, I'm not.

But of all the lesbians I've known, one identified as being a lesbian by choice. She had been molested by several men as a child, and raped as a teenager. She then chose simply not to ever have anything to do with men as far as is possible. Not wanting to be alone all the time, she cultivated intimate relationships with women instead. But she's the only woman-loving-woman I know of who is in that situation.

I think of her situation as being kind of like men who cultivate gay relationships in the military or in prison, who would otherwise likely be in straight relationships - when you CAN'T be with the gender you might normally prefer (in her case because of MASSIVE pain from repeated betrayals and violence), you develop a relationship with someone of your own gender, to stave off the loneliness.

(Or, maybe she's really bi, but no longer trusts guys and only goes with womyn, but prefers to say she's 'lesbian by choice' because Bi-Chix get razzed within the lesbian community. . . . . which is a whole other issue!)

Generally though, most of us don't hate men.
We just prefer womyn.
;o)

Answer 10

My wife is she was married for 20 years to an ahole and he brought another woman into the bed and thats all I have to say.She liked it better and she hates men she thinks they are pigs. I was always liking women.