A coupla things. Why do people change when you get married, and Please DONT just say you didnt know them well enough... I know a lot of people that dated for a long time; like 5+ years; and the guy was sweet and the woman didnt have money or anything but the guy treated her like a princess and they got married and he either stopped caring or didnt want to hear it anymore, its crap!
The other thing... I'm trying to go to bed right now I'm tired as crap, my husband is staying up late, WHY cant I go to sleep without him. When we first got married... I couldnt sleep WITH him in the bed... now I cant go to sleep by myself... Sheesh! Why is that and what can I do about it? I'm getting ready to hit the nyquil, but I dont have a cold or anything... Grrrrrr!
2006-10-22 14:16:47 · 19 answers · asked by cartmansmom 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Marriage requires work, work and work. When you first learn how to drive a car, you are aware of every little detail. But as you get more experienced, you can talk on a phone, drink coffee and navigate through bumper to bumper traffic all at the same time! This occurs because you learn to subconsciously drive without effort. This may work for driving but is bad news for a marriage. Marriage should never be on "auto-pilot": this is a recipe for failure. Yet I believe that when a man and a woman are courting, this is like being in a higher spiritual and creative place that then drops to a more emotional place after marriage when both individuals start blaming the other - with spoken words or in their heads - for the problems in the marriage. Work, work, work is what is needed. As well as forgiveness, kindness and gentleness and getting rid of a victim mentality. Communication, fun and laughter are important. But take your relationship from the victim mode and get out of auto-pilot mode and relearn to drive the car.
2006-10-22 14:37:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage changes people because it takes them prisoner. One person reveals their true colors and the other is imprisoned by the committment. Usually, on person tries to impress the other until they are finally married. Until that happens, they must create an illusion about who they are. Once they marry, they get fat and let all their bad habits hang out and insist "love me for who I am".
It's hard to decide what happened for your friend. Perhaps neither of them ended up being who they appeared to be? Or one of them changed and the other got disappointed?
Being so physically close to someone every day makes it difficult to maintain any sort of mysterious romance. Each person must make a committment to change things up a bit from time to time.
As far as your sleeping arrangments, some sort of dynamic changed. People don't stay the same forever, and perhaps it's just phases of life, or whatever. But it would appear that somehow, one of you has gone through some sort of transformation. And if it wasn't you, it was probably him.
Has his feelings or wants changed recently? Change in outlook, or direction? Occupation?
Worst case scenario, girlfriend. What would explain your lack of sleep too. Hey, you never know, do you?
If he's just doing innocent things, I wouldn't let it bother you, go to bed. But if it's internet time, you likely have good reason to be jealous.
If it's a lot of TV, good chance he feels uncomfortable or unsafe around you for some reason. Examine your attitude and behavior. Me, if things are good with her, I want to be with her when I'm tired. If things are not, well, what's on tonight? Perhaps something with some babes.
2006-10-22 21:46:24 · answer #2 · answered by Jeffrey B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i know the feeling. I was with my ex husband 3 years before we got married. You know how you are when you are infatuated, and you see them through rose colored glasses. There are those little things that you think you can just overlook about them that kinda bug you, but you think you can compensate for them. Then you get married and all the walls come down, the honeymoon stage is over. Every day life wears on you and your rose colored glasses come off, and those inconsistancys are amplified. My life with my ex was like that. It seemed like he had all of a sudden changed, but when i look back on it it was I who was blind. I wish i would have saw the flaws about him i couldnt work around before i got married to him then divorced him. But to make a long story short, men dont feel that they have to impress you now that they have you, or you had your rose colored glasses on and now they are off. oh yea, and about the sleeping thing, i live with my boyfriend now, i sleep the best when i am with him, i know how you feel. He works nights i work days, so i value every moment i can cuddle up and fall asleep in his arms.
2006-10-22 21:25:33 · answer #3 · answered by magickitty0621 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think a lot of people think their partners change after marriage, I don't believe that is so. When you are dating, you overlook a lot of little things that will irk you later. You do this because you are in "love" and feel like you cant live without the other person.
After marriage, after the newness wears off you start recognizing things that bother you.
So hit the NyQuil, seems like getting numb is a lot of folks answers to problems.
2006-10-22 21:22:26 · answer #4 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think people get comfortable and start to really relax and enjoy the ablilty just let it out berp, fert, sex just gets comfortable. and as for the bed, well I have been married for 5 years and I was the same way I could sleep with no prob with him in the bed Now I can't sleep with him in the bed. the only time he gets in the bed is when we arehaving sex.
2006-10-22 21:25:08 · answer #5 · answered by cc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think people change is people the "chase" is over. Even if they dated for 5 years, once they get married, they don't have to have 'proper' behavior anymore.
Or maybe a switch goes off in their heads and they begin to act like their parents do.
2006-10-22 21:24:51 · answer #6 · answered by ebola_guy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its part of our CHARM...To drive you crazy. The 1st part of your statement is prolly due to the fact that there is no chasing anymore. THEY " as in both sides" get comfortable thinking that the other person is there and not leaving wtihout a fight. So they slack off on the romance stuff...Flowers, Cards, sexy lingerie, Midnite shopping at Wal Mart...Been there done that..I'm as guilty as the next person. You get married and life kicks in. Jobs, Kids, Chores..BLAH BLAH BLAH. Your used to him laying on top of you snoring...thats prolly why you can;t sleep and are playing on the computer instead. Bottom line..You love the guy...Sounds to me like hes pretty lucky...
2006-10-22 21:29:44 · answer #7 · answered by Psycomagnet 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are growing together. Try this, show love and respect to him. Treat him like a king, do the non-sexual touch thing. Rub his shoulders, etc., little kisses and flirts during the day and see if after a few weeks he won't WANT to be there with you. You get more flies with honey, honey.
2006-10-22 21:23:20 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know some what how you feel when my boyfriend is gone I can't sleep he can't either . I guess you get used to that someone going to sleep with you just think when a baby can't sleep until you hold them in your arms they listen for the heartbeat. I lay on my boyfriend chest a lot and his heartbeat puts me to sleep and he sometimes has to have me lay on him I don't know why but if you are used to certain things day after day it becomes a part of you !!
2006-10-22 21:25:42 · answer #9 · answered by classy chic 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
People change because now instead of sitting on the perch with known freedom to leave, you can sit on that perch forever in that peace. But it's psychological, when that cage door slams and locks, you start to wonder how far you can fly.
and the hubby thing...it's because he rubs your feet and you fall asleep, you've gotten so used to it, now you NEED it like a drug...BTW, Nyquill tastes like sh!t, I recommend a glass of warm milk and a PB&J sandwich.
2006-10-22 21:22:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋