What do you think of my poem?

Question

I walked past a tree house carrying,
The pain that life has brought me.
And then I hear those glorious sounds,
The sounds of sweeter times.

Those sweet sounds bring back memories,
Where nothing held me back.
Each step I took brang excitement,
Not fear of losing to the world.

For a short time we owe nothing to the world,
For nothing is what we have.
We did not serve the world its needs,
Instead the world served us.

We knew no sort of danger,
So we could climb forever,
We had not yet been taught in life,
The world could knock us down.

Answer 1

Whats the point of your poem?

Answer 2

I'm sorry, but I will be completely honest: I think this is quite awful.

I see where you're coming from with the actual thoughts, but the way they're expressed does nothing for me. There is a kind of plainness which is starkly beautiful, but it is hard to reach because it is so easy to get something which is simply prosaic and leaden - sinks like a stone.

If it's any consolation, the poetry I've written is no better. Like anything else, poetry writing is something that people become better at with practice. Even though I don't like this poem, you will learn to write good or excellent poetry if you write every day. Remember that even the best poets weren't magically born that way and even wrote a lot of boring crud when they were good. Cheers.

Answer 3

Uh...I hate to sound like an English teacher here, but "brang" is not a word. You should use brought or brings depending on tense. I give the poem a 5. Good job, keep revising.

Answer 4

It doesn't rhyme... I'm just kidding! I think its a great description of the way we felt about the world when we were children in comparison to the way it looks to us now. I like it!

Answer 5

sucks

you need to add some action
add something about how your poop smelled that day
that really gets the crowds going

Answer 6

I think its cool.... u'll be a great comedian..cheers!