should i get mad if my BF keeps looking up adultfriend finder sites and porn sites?

Question

My BF has a history of calling chatlines and sends and recieves txt msg. that are of nude nature. Also has history of porn addiction. Even seen his profile on a personals website. Am I being a jealous girlfriend or a cautious one.What should I do? hes 32 and I'm 27 we also have a 4 month old together

Answer 1

I think you know the answer to your question, you just want confirmation that you are thinking correctly.

You should not put up with any of what he is doing! Tell him if he wants to remain in a relationship with you, then the porn and other such has to go. That if you find out that he is doing anything he shouldn't, then it's over. He has to respect you and your wish for him not to do these things as they can and will put your relationship in jeopardy.

or

You can begin doing the same things that he is doing, (you don't have to like it-you are proving a point) look up things, join personals web sites and when he tells you that you can't do it, you ask why it is ok for him to do it, but not for you to do it. That will shut him up!

Answer 2

Honey, get away from this guy. My son's father was the same way. He ended up getting abusive with me. He calimed that I was cheating, which I never did in the three years we were off and on. I suspect that he was thinking of cheating and was projecting his feelings onto me. If you don't leave him alone, he may become abusive with you. He may try to make you feel bad or like you aren't worth anything to him. If he is into porn sites, then he has a serious problem if he can't get a grip on this.

You are being cautious and rightfully so. Just thik about your child. Is this really the type of life you want for your baby? Do you want your baby to grow up thinking it is OK for them to look at porn sites and ignore the rest of the family?

Answer 3

I'm not sure what you should do. Every man has the need to look at naked women. That is just generally in their nature. My husband looks at porn when I am not available and we have just come to the agreement that that is acceptable. If he just looks at porn every now and then that is something else then what your man is doing. It sounds to me that he might have some more serious issues. Maybe you should talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. If he gets mad and isn't willing to work with you then leave him. Your baby will be better off in the long run not having a father who is more concerned about porn then his own child.

Answer 4

You're not being cautious, he's being disrespectful. What he is doing is actually tempting himself into the world of infidelity.
He is cheating on you.
If he loved you, respected you, and didn't want to be with anyone then he wouldn't be checking out personals nor would he have his own profile on a personals site. He is on the net looking for women! Why? He has a woman at home with a 4 month old daughter.
His behavior is entirely unacceptable. You need to talk to him about it and if the problem persists, you need to leave him.

Answer 5

If you are truly his friend you will try to find out what makes him do all the things he does. Maybe you are not fulfilling his need either out of ignorance or lack of openness between you. The first step is do not condemn him. Instead join him in the fun - surfing those sites. This will help both of you open-up. Then discuss and perhaps be even willing to live out some fantasies.
Find out to what extent the needs are fulfillable.
If none of this gives you satisfaction end this relationship without any regrets now. If you do marry him now in a hurry you will be sure to repent at leisure.

Answer 6

You've got a problem, especially since you already know of his porn addiction. He's indulging his addiction right now--it's not over, not by a long shot.

He is stealing. He is stealing money from the family to indulge himself. He is stealing time from you and your daughter when he is caught up in this behavior--less time to be a real partner to you and less time to be attentive father to your daughter. The two of you should not have to compete for his time and attention. Nor should you have to compete for the financial resources he is wasting, money that can go toward the rent, medicine, a college education account for your daughter.

The fact that his behavior has caused you pain and to ask for help from us, means that he has made more of a commitment to porn than to you, your relationship, your home, and your family. You are right to be worried. You are being jealous for all the RIGHT reasons.

There is absolutely no difference between his porn postings and surfing than picking up a hooker on the corner--in your instance he is accessing/bringing the trashy behavior directly into your home and telling you to live with it and deal with it. Would you tolerate a hooker sleeping between you in your bed at night? His porn addiction is no different in coming in between you.

You need to get busy: Talking about this with him, going for counseling alone and/or together, monitoring and exercising a greater say in household resources (time at the park, meeting new friends, paying a credit card bill with his paycheck, you name it), deciding how much you are going t take and for how long.

If you decide to walk, make sure you keep a copy of his activities, ads, history of websites for your lawyer when it comes time for visitation rights and child support.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I have the same problem. It's unhealthy for the relationship and makes you feel like a grade A peice of sh*t.
But we chose them right? Talk to him. if he doesn't change, leave, if you have the power to do so.
relationships should make you feel great, you need to love and have fun with the person your with. If your not. It's not worth it.
And with a 4 month old?! you two should be gawking ooohing and ahhing over your new creation. if he's too busy with that stuff he's trash.

Answer 8

porn is an addiction for some people. but is sounds like he is actively seeking out partners for sex. Try watching porn with him. If he can't get what he needs from you loose him. It may not be wise to stay together for the sake of your child. if you are miserable your child will be too.

Answer 9

Lay down the rules and tell him he needs to get off those sites if he is intersted in keeping a relationship with you and your 4 month old.

Answer 10

It's normal for guys to look at porn, we can't help it. But, if you feel its affecting your relationship in any way than you should talk to him about it. There's no reason to get jealous, it's not like he can actually be with the girls in the porno's. You should try watching it with him, it can get you both in fun moods. GL