problems with my mom(and family)?

Question

I had a talk with my mom, and basically she said that I am a selfish person and she said that i am f*cked up and defensive, and some other things that I don't really feel comfortable saying. I can see where she is coming from, but I don't want to be labeled these things anymore, and i genuinly do want to change. She says that i need to me apart of the "team" and that she won't be putting anything "in" anymore because she always puts in 200% and I don't. has anyone else gone throo this? i really need some help i am feeling very low and worthless rite now. i am not looking for compliments or any special attention, I just want some advice on how i can better myself as a person so my mom will want to be apart of my life again. thx in advance

Answer 1

Well it looks like your mom wants to see you putting your family and others first.

You can start by initiating helping out around the house. Like empty the dishwasher without being asked, and with out making reference to it. Ask her if she needs help with dinner, or take the cloths out of the dryer, stuff like that.

Spend some time with the family instead of up in your room all the time, or out with friends. Not 24/7 but maybe a little more.

Good Luck. Everything will work out in the end.

Answer 2

Hey,

I went through the exact same thing with my mom. She was a big fan of tough love. She's being hard on you because she loves you. She's giving you the "real world" treatment...i.e., she's asking you to put forth the extra effort she does. Believe it or not, she doesn't say those things to make you feel bad, just to make you think and try harder. Parents really notice when you do extra stuff around the house, or help out without being asked. And you know...it really will surprise her if you do it with a smile.
At first I resented my mom for making me feel so worthless and low, but once I proved myself to her, I realized that the way she said it was probably the only way it would get through to me. I hope that helps. If you need anything else, just email me. I'll be glad to listen. But don't worry...once you start showing that you are a hard worker/contributor to the team, etc., she will be pleased.

Answer 3

First, I am disturbed that your mother talks to you like that using that kind of language. Sounds like she needs to do some character changes herself.

Second, do you feel all of what she said, minus the bad language, is true? If so, then make a list of those things and next to them decide how you will change that.

For example; You never help around the house. Ok, now you ask your mom what chores she would like for you to do on a regular basis. Make a list. Do them, daily, no complaining.

You can change what is wrong, when you understand what's wrong. And tell mom one thing you ask is that she address you like a human being...no bad language, yelling, nasty labels. Not productive as a parent. Nope, not at all. Good luck honey, I know you will do just fine.

Answer 4

Relax, all children start out with the world being "all about them". When you are young, that is the only world you know. You voice your needs, and they are satisfied. No further thought goes into it.
As you get older, you are expected to begin to contribute to the family effort. It takes work to keep a household running. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, garbage, etc. No one likes to have the brunt of the work when others don't help out. When you need help, you expect it without question. What about the others in your family? Shouldn't they expect the same thing?

The best advice here is just start being aware of what is going on around you. Find a need and fill it as the other members of your family do. They don't wait to be asked when they see something needs to be done, they just do it, usually without notice or thanks. A lot of people judge how much you love them by how much you help them, or even how much you appreciate what is done for you. Basically, your mom is trying to tell you that you are no longer just a kid, you are becoming an adult and she want to see you start behaving more like one and accept some responsibility as all adults have to do. It sounds like she tried to talk to you about it and you took it in a negative manner. Ask yourself how you could have been told about the problem without your feelings getting hurt?

It is very good that you want to improve. The best thing you can do is talk to your mom and tell her you are ready to help out. The standard rule is... the more you give...the more you get!

Answer 5

there is only 1 person who can change you and that is you. Is there any truth in what your mother said. If so, (this is just my opinion) but you should talk to your mother again, in a calm manor and explain that you do realize what she said is true, or partly true. Do not make excuses, you need to take the own-is upon yourself. Only than will you be able to move forward and be the person you want to be. Good luck...ps it takes a big person to admit they need to change, congratulations

Answer 6

u should try writing in a diary (at night) like all of bad things tht u have done tht day and then in the morning read all it tht way u can try to prevent ur self from making the same mistakes over and over