How can I recondition myself not to say too much or the wrong things?

Question

I tend to express myself verbally, which means I think out loud a lot, and I feel like I blabber sometimes about unimportant things or speak out loud details that no one else cares about, and I also have a habit where, when I make a mistake, talking circles about it to try and explain why I made that mistake. In everyday life, it's no big deal, but lately I've been wondering how my employees perceive this behavior and whether I seem credible to them. In addition, I have always been averse to gossip yet I seem to get caught up in it more than I'd like, and have repeated things that really should've stopped with me. Long story short: how do I learn to say only what is necessary and keep my thoughts to myself?

Answer 1

I worried about my "style" of communication when I accepted my first management position, as I knew that other people would be looking to me for guidance, and I needed to get my point across more quickly and efficiently.

I decided to discuss this problem with several people who I knew that had excellent, and very organized methods of speaking. They happened to be in business management and knew exactly why I was struggling. The best advice that I was given was to use a couple of different "slow down and think" techniques. The first was to actually repeat a portion of the other persons question or statement back to them, such as "So you are telling me that the shipment did not arrive in receiving this morning because it was a new driver and he couldn't find the warehouse?" This would make the person talking to me about this problem feel as if I was really paying close attention to them, and also give me a few seconds to collect my thoughts internally and thus cause "mouth control and over-talking control."

The second method was to actually put myself into the employees shoes and think about (internally) what type of answer would be most helpful if I was asking the question of one of my supervisors. If I did not feel comfortable answering in that moment, I would tell the asker that it was a discussion that we needed to have, and would include it in our next employee meeting. We had a short daily meeting, so the longest people would have to wait would be until the next morning. This would make the person feel very validated and important, and would give me the time that was needed to approach the problem in a responsible manner.

You are just going to have to learn to walk away from the gossip, and learn to tell people that you do not want to hear gossiping going on in your place of business, as it is unnecessary.

There is always going to be some, that is part of the human experience but if you are repeating things you should not be, you will not be trusted or liked in a very short period of time. I have seen managers demoted for this type of thing, so please walk away and/or make it known that you will not participate. Good luck, and your are very intuitive to realize that you need assistance in this area; many people do not. Have a good night!

Answer 2

When someone starts a conversation or asks a question, count to 5 slowly before you answer. It'll give you a chance to organize your thoughts and decide if you really want to say something. If you find yourself going off track, just stop yourself short. It'll take some practice but you can do it.

These days it seems people just talk for the sake of talking, or they think they must answer a question instantaneously. I appreciate when a person is thoughtful with what they have to say. When they pause after being asked a question, I know they are searching for the best answer they can give. I find myself respecting that person more and giving more credence to what they have to say.

I still count sometimes before I answer a question or join in a conversation, depending upon the subject and the company. I take into consideration how what I have to say may impact that relationship, and what the consequences would be if I ran off at the mouth.

Good luck!

Answer 3

The first poster is correct, I had a very similar problem and that is what solved it for me. You have to make a conscious effort, and in my case I had to learn that I did not always have to make people understand that I was "right" and why.

A side note.... Consider that if you go too far with the being quiet some people (who already know you) might consider that you are mad with them, and new people might think you a snob.. The trick is a happy medium,

Best of luck!!

Answer 4

Practice makes perfect. Take a deep breath and think about 1 sentence instead of several for explaining something.

Answer 5

Put your hands OVER your mouth. I am not being rude...it works..I have been known to clap my hands over my mouth and stand up and leave. Trust me it is better than Blabbering incessantly. It does make you appear to be less than credible. Employees may find it disconcerting; BUT employers see it as Excellent justification for giving out promotions and raises to anyone but You...

Have you looked into adult ADD? That would explain it all... then you would have options that are clearcut.

Answer 6

practice always counting to 10 before starting to speak.
force yourself to say one sentence and then shut up.
most important is the one that is hardest for me. always
put the brain in gear before starting the mouth.
best of luck. keep trying.

Answer 7

Learn to meditate-take a vow of silence every second day-or as one of my favourite gurus says-"watch the mind and zip the lip"

Answer 8

Take a class in interpersonal communication, it will allow you to think critically about what you say before you say it and how others will percieve your statements.