My ex is treating me hot and cold but I KNOW he cares deeply for me.
Is it possible for a man to love a woman yet treat her coldly and reluctantly?
For example because in his mind he is scared of getting back into it. Scared and worried of letting her down, of it not working out again. Scared of his own strong feelings and getting hurt. Is it possible for feelings to be so overwhelming that it is easier to avoid the person and situation than confronting it??
Have you ever felt like this or do I need to wake up and smell the coffee???
Genuine answers really appreciated.
2006-10-22 12:38:46 · 12 answers · asked by wild_and_strong45 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
yes because he still has to deal with his own inability to respond in love at all times............we (men) don't have all the answers..........God does........
2006-10-22 12:41:36 · answer #1 · answered by stumped 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yes absolutely he (or anyone for that matter; man or woman) can love someone while being what you perceive as "cold". If he's going through an emotionally tough time and trying to sort how he feels while figuring which way is up and which is down; he may be a little vacant or even emotionally distant; especially if all that sorting directly involves you. If you KNOW that he cares about you then let that carry you though while he's sorting things out. Perhaps the best help you could be to him would be to let him know that you are there to listen if need be. Just don't make the mistake of letting the relationship flounder (if it's still really important to you) because you gave him too much space. In many relationships it can happen that for one reason or another some time has passed since you last talked or called, then you and/or the other becomes embarrassed because so much time has passed so you put off talking to them further and before you know it, there's this huge rift in your relationship and for no real good reason at all.
Lastly, try not to take the distance personally; constantly asking what is wrong or fussing because you're not getting the warmth you'd ordinarily like. If there's distance for inordinate periods of time or it's making you question how he feels about you, then you're perfectly within your rights to let him know how his distance is making YOU feel and how it's making you start to question.
In the end it all boils down to are you getting what you want or need out of this relationship? If you feel that you've put forth sufficient effort, made every attempt at communication, exhausted all other avenues and are still stagnate; then perhaps for your own sanity you should move on. After-all, regardless of what a relationship USED to be, if it's not giving what you need now and hasn't for quite some time despite you're best efforts, is it really worth hanging on to? Perhaps in the future you'll both be at places where you can nurture a relationship, but until then at least you're not staying in something miserable with the hopes that one day it'll make you happy again.
2006-10-22 13:23:18 · answer #2 · answered by Richard C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is possible to care deeply for someone yet hurt them as well. I would imagine it would come in the form of an unconcious act though. What you are describing sounds more pre-meditated and therefore I would question how deeplt he really cares for you.All relationships can blow hot and cold at some time or another but from what you are saying he wants out.It is more likely he doesn't want to hurt you and can't make it a clean break for what it will do to you. You don't say how deeply you fell for him but I imagine you care a lot for him. Maybe you should take a complete break from each other for a while and agree to meet up at a pre determined time and place in the future to discuss exactly how being apart has made you feel. Be prepared for the worst though and if he does want to give it a go again with you then good luck. Sorry if this is not really what you want to hear but it is my honest opinion. Good Luck with whatever happens in the future xx
2006-10-22 12:49:21 · answer #3 · answered by Mozzy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, avoidance (being cold) has everything to do with feeling scared of something.
As to what it is, there are a whole myriad of possible reasons, he might say one thing and it could be something completely different at the root cause of it.
It could be something you did or a deep insecurity he has been harbouring since childhood.
The only thing you can do is be with him (or have someone be with him ) to work these through if you want to develop anything strong into the future.
It could be that the fears can be resolved and it could also be that you never resolve them.
One thing that happens is that people only commit to something when their perception of what is good is stronger than what's bad. The unfortunate thing is that fear is a stronger motivator.
Sorry, No better answers, I hope this hopes at least a little
Good luck
2006-10-22 22:22:14 · answer #4 · answered by lifeontrack2006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How out of whack things are is a true testiment of the power of feminism (women's lib). The core empowerment of feminism has always been hatred of men. They say it's equality, how double standards means equality is only rationalized by women that buy into feminism. Men's organizations and interests were deemed bias, discrimination and anti-women. So how did we come to a place where there's more women's organizations than anyone can count? Countless Government programs for women, Job sites for women only, double-standards in the courts and justice system, etc. Everything that feminism was supposed to stand against appears to be, what feminism stands for. I'm sure most women would say, NO it's not like that.
2016-03-18 22:57:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually if your being treated coldly then you are not loved, its common sense, If you ask the question, "Do you love me?" and you if get a positive response you have to be sure that you know that this person is telling the truth! Apparently women love a bastard, I personally don't get it, best of luck!
2006-10-22 13:12:05 · answer #6 · answered by filmstu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exaclty where your coming from because this is one of my many plights at the moment his head is saying one thing and his heart is saying another and if he's anything like myself then his feelings are being quashed by logical thought and for fear of hurting you in any way, it's easier to avoid this situation and personally feel the pain than having you share in it, letting go of someone because you love them is the hardest thing in the world to do and I would never put that on anyone but for the sake of not hurting someone you love deeply its the way it has to be for people like ourselves.
2006-10-22 12:53:39 · answer #7 · answered by Wiseguy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. By all means. You need to wake up and smell the coffee... He is you EX for crying out loud!! Do you need to be jabbed with a cattle prod to rememeber why he is your EX??? That's what ex's should be, out of your life!
Move on with your life and find someone that really does something for you.... You know what I mean??!!
2006-10-22 12:43:23 · answer #8 · answered by Bikerbutt 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes
2006-10-22 12:41:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
in your own words....your ex.....
there is a reason he is your ex.....unless you and he adress the reasons he is your ex...it will never work out......
ppl sometimes change just to get what the think they want at the time....only to find out that the reasons for their problems still exsist...
good luck to ya.
and yes ...move on......
2006-10-22 12:46:25 · answer #10 · answered by bluesharpman_642000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋