Why does my husband get to have all the fun?

Question

I am a mother of two, a 7 year old and 3 year old. Why is it that I go to get a pedicure and he is calling after 30 minutes of being gone, but he can be gone hours on end and I should not be expected to call him and ask when he will be home. He thinks because I stay at home that he deserves to go out when ever he wants. What in the heck should I do. I am beginning of thinking about leaving and going on with my life, but my stepdaughter is keeping me from doing that because We have had custody of her since she was a baby? God what am I to do?

Answer 1

He gets to have all the fun because you allow him to do so.
If you're gone 30 minutes and he's already calling, ignore the call. You need to put your foot down and explain to him that the two of you are team and both deserve to have equal amount of time for themselves as well.
Explain to him that it's only fair and you're tired of him not allowing you to enjoy your life but you let him enjoy his time with friends and having fun.
Also, both of you need to work on communication. Instead of going out separately you should both go out together sometimes... and make some arrangements for the kids OR take the kids with you, night out to the movies, or something like that.
I believe the two of you need marriage counseling because your husband needs to recognize what his priorities are and respect that you deserve some fun too.

Answer 2

Jennifer: You are in a real bind. If you have discussed your husband's behaviour with him and he persists in "hanging you out to dry" like you described ... well your choices are slim apart from either, marriage counselling or leaving him. He sounds very immature and plans on staying that way. (Actually, you have 3 children - if you include him.) A lot of girls are so impacted by the thought of "getting married", they forget who (what type of guy) they are committing a life-time with. I know of a guy, who went through three marriages before he realized that coming and going whenever, he pleased was the cause [him self]. Guys have to realize, that your marriage partner is not just, "one of the boys" and desires companionship. Not too many women will tolerate being a married widow and will either, have an affair or leave the bad relationship, (maybe both) ! Working too much, out with the boys too much, playing sports too much or doing your own thing around the home while neglecting your wife all the time spells trouble. Are the children misbehaving quite frequently? Dad's lack of input can be to blame. Marriage is a serious commitment - it is not for children . Good Luck to you.

Answer 3

so you are willing to stay for the sake of a stepchild...how willing are you to stay for your own children? He is their father two I assume...why is your step daughter more important?

Anyway, I think you and your husband should learn to comunicate better and more often about what is good in your relationship and what is not and do what is best for the relationship you have...he is your husband, the father of your children you shouldnt want to up and run just because of this. You should make it a point to communicate effectively.

You are the primary caretaker of your children, thats gonna be true no matter where you are in your life or who you are partnered with...yoru children are your responsibility "primarily", which means 99.9% of the time. The other .1% is your "me" time...use it wisely. Everybody including your husband will only do what you allow...its easy to allow this to happen because we, as women, just ARE the caretakers. Embrace that dont look at it negatively cause its too late now, you cant put them back now can you? All you need to do is change what you do when you do get free time...always do something good for yourself everytime you have free time. If you have to, hire a baby sitter sometimes, theres no harm in that. Dont be concerned with what he is doing with his time, unless you think its a negative activity or an illegal one. Otherwise, talk to him and let him know that when you have free time from the kids you are going to spend it your way and you may or may not answer his call during that time, because it is after all YOUR time. Like his time is his you deserve the same, but dont expect it to be as much time as he has....set some ground rules about your time and enjoy your self. You shouldnt lose your life...yourself, just because you have a family. Let your hubby know that its not about him and you go do you!

Hubby needs to grow up a bit too! But communicating effectily can get things in order so that there is little , if any negative in this...be honest and talk talk talk it out!

Answer 4

children r not an excuse 2 stay 2gether hun sit him down and talk 2 him. make him understand u need time 2. if he not willing 2 give u time 2 do the things u want then it shows there is no trust on his part and its time 4 u stick 2 ur guns and finish this relationship and moved on with ur life.the stepdaughter will if u do go ur separate ways will go with her father unless the courts say otherwise. he is out of order ringing u like he does and even more out of order if u r not allowed 2 ring him. an old saying hun WHATS GOOD 4 THE GOOSE IS GOOD 4 THE GANDER. so no if not going 2 listen 2 u then the best thing is end it b4 things get worse

Answer 5

He's probably calling because he can't handle being Mr.Mom. When I was a stay at home mom, then my hubby did on the weekends go blow off steam, because he worked hard all week and needed the break so he didn't loose it at home. You need to sit down with him and tell him that you need to be able to have a day out once in a while, and when you go don't take the cell or keep it turned off, let him know that it's a day out for you and anything that happens he should be able to handle and to please respect your time and not call. He may not even realize that it is bothering you this much, you need to talk to him.

Answer 6

If for any reason your husband will not sit and speak to you, then I suggest that you put your phone on silent or turn it off when you go and have some me time. If he gets upset because you call him and he doesn't even tell you at least by when he will be home, then move on with your life. If he can't spend time with his family or have daddy and kids time, then something needs to be done. Because parenting is 100% from both sides, and both deserve some me time equally. But I can't really say much on this. This is what I think you can do. Or call Nanny 911.

Answer 7

When you go out to do something for yourself, turn your phone off and teach him some responsibility the hard way. Don't stay gone all day but communicate to him in that way that he does not have you on a leash, you are more than just a mother and every woman needs some time to herself. Whatever you do, you need to stand up for yourself or he will be walking all over you for the rest of your life and as soon as your kids see him treating you like that, they will be walking all over you too because kids learn by example.

Answer 8

Ohh my goodness! This sounds just like my husband. We as women have to learn not to look back at times like them. I have four boys,10-8-4-and 2.This happens to me all the time. I know our motherly instincts think of our kids first, but we deserve freedom some times to. At times a man needs a dose of his own medicine. I say make sure the kids are taken care of, the insurance card is where he can reach, and hit the streets once in a while. When you get out don't answer the phone, turn it off if you have to. Let him know don't call me i'll call you. Try to enjoy yourself cause we as women need More of a break than the men. If we don't take care of our selves who will. He'll be hanging out! Best of luck, treat yourself to lunch alone or something.You deserve it!

Answer 9

well one, your stepdaughter is your stepdaughter, but its really his kid so if you were to leave, she'd stay with him. then maybe he would get an idea of what its like to be a parent, and what its like not to be able to go out and do what you want.
You are a mom, not an animal that should be locked in a cage. Next time he comes home late, I'd hand him over the kids, say Im going out for a girls night out, have fun doing what I do every day. Then shut off your cell and go out and have some fun!
and when you come home if he bitches, tell him, hey you do it to me all the time, how do you like how I normally feel now?

Answer 10

i don't know how stay at home moms do it. that is hard work.
next time when you go out and he calls, don't pick up the phone, just let him leave messages on your voicemail. if he doesn't leave a message, then it isn't important. Leave him with the kids for a couple of hours and see how he handles it (but don't tell him you'll be gone for a couple of hours, say you might be late).

You can also apply to be on the show "Wife Swap" or Trading Spouses.