Why is it that gay men are so fun and open, but gay women are so serious and close-ranked?

Question

I'm a 30-year-old straight female, but I've had several friends who were gay men. They were awesome. I've not had any gay female friends, though. All the lesbians I have ever met have been nearly xenophobic (meaning that they strongly dislike anyone other than their own kind, gay women in this case). Why is that? Why are gay men so nice and lesbians so serious and unfriendly?

NHBaritone, you have some sort of issues, man. I am about the most non-homophobic person I know. I am friends with many gay men because I find different lifestyles to be interesting. I would like to know gay women too. Not because I want to have sex with them, but because I want to learn about their lifestyle. However, all the gay women I have ever met have been very close-ranked about their lives. I never realized that my curiousity could have been off-putting, as another answerer pointed out. But to call me homophobic is simply a knee-jerk reaction on your part. I suppose to a gay person who had been exposed to lots of negativity, any question could be seen as homophobic or trying to invalidate the gay lifestyle, but you must remember not to judge me by other heterosexuals you have met in your life. Turnabout is fair play.

Answer 1

I'm just going to speculate its because you don't threaten gay men. Straight women are "safe": for gay men, they can be themselves(whatever that means for them) and not have to worry for the most part about being judged by other men, both straight and gay.

Lesbians, however, see you as something completely different. They are going to be less likely to be friendly because they are going to be more territorial.

Its like cats and dogs. If you are a dog in a cat world, to the cat, you really don't matter because you are simply a dog and in their minds (probably, hey its cats) they are superior, therefore you are not a threat, just an annoyance or something to be played with. If you are a dog in a dogs world, then you are someone to either dominant or submit to. You are a threat because you are what they are and after the same thing(in their mind), and so its going to natural in a pack of dogs to have to figure you out, or possibly you might steal the bone.

If you don't understand how cats and dogs work, then its pretty simple, you aren't a threat to gay men, and you are to lesbians. No matter what's going on in your head, in theirs you are a threat.

You know it just might be your community, I find there are different standards and different agenda's in every socio-economic gender identified group around the world.

Answer 2

It's not the same as the G-spot, which is actually an extension of the engorged clitoris (which is much larger than people realized). The bit you're talking about in men is the prostate, which if stimulated provokes ejaculation. Ejaculation is not the same as an orgasm though. Strictly speaking, the anus isn't a good place to shove things up merely on safety grounds, and using a penis to reach the prostate is a bit hit and miss. Many gay men have good sexual relationships without much anal penetration at all (there are other things you can do, you know). But if it's what gives people pleasure and no-one else is harmed, it's no-one else's business. Anal sex is no more wrong than oral sex (which were not designed to come into contact with the sexual organs either) but you don't hear anyone here saying "Don't do oral sex". And God wouldn't give a toss even if he existed.

Answer 3

Not all gay women are like that, when you say"all", you are stating the entire lesbian community, which I am sure you haven't met. I am sure lesbians can be the same about your kind, all straight women are mean, obnoxious and so on, so before you get to know everyone, you shouldn't judge "all" lesbians as being the way you are depicting the picture. In no way is my response being rude, or obnoxious either. I am a gay female and I tend to think other gay women, not all, can be mean, judgemental, and biased as well within their own niche. I am sure we all have problems with other groups, but we are not all like that. My question to you is, where does a str8 woman usually meet gay women who are like this? Maybe you haven't found the right kind of lesbian friendships, and friendships of any kind are hard to find sometimes.Good Luck in your quest, and remember don't judge all lesbians in your view.

Answer 4

And why is that straight people with limited experience with gay people think they can describe the entire population in just 8 words?
Here are some examples that contradict your statements:

Contradictory Lesbians: Ellen DeGeneres, Lia Delaria, Rosie O'Donnell
Contradictory Gay Men: Roy Cohn, J. Edgar Hoover, Larry Kramer

Know this: You are making homophobic, prejudicial statements that are potentially harmful.

Answer 5

You are stereotyping. I have seen open and fun lesbian women and some serious gay men. You should get out and meet a wide variety of people. You probably just don't know that some of the funny females you have come across are lesbian. All gay men aren't nice.

Answer 6

It is just the nature of how they deal with the prejudice. Gay men probably feel much more comfortable with women than they do with straight men, who they associate with the prejudice and bullying that is so often a part of their youth.

Gay women don't (as far as I can tell) suffer the same degree of prejudice that gay men do. They are much less likely to suffer physical abuse during their teenage years.

Both communities, like any community that is in danger due to prejudice, turn inward as a defense mechanism. I believe your experience with gay women is not necessarily representative, and it is dangerous to sterotype in any case. You probably have met plenty of friendly gay women, you just never knew they were gay.

Answer 7

I see where your comming with this question, but most of the gay women I've ever met were mostly how you described the gay men. But I have met a few who wre like that, but they were still alot of fun to spend time with.

Answer 8

You just haven't met the nice ones I guess. Maybe some find you to be curious and if that was the case then no, we wouldn't want you in our life...if it's not the case then like I said, you haven't met the nice ones...We are out there.

Answer 9

I think it is role reversal.
Gay men act like heterosexual women and Lesbians want to be uptight heterosexual men.

Answer 10

not all lesbians are like that. I am very friendly and non judgemental.