My daughter 17 got married partially because she was pregnant. I am a good mom ,grandmom, and mom -in-law. I help out financially every month. I just think the wedding ship has sailed and she thinks she should still have one. Opinions please.
2006-10-22 10:31:50 · 23 answers · asked by LIly 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
I agree with you. The truth about life is that we don't really get to have it all. We make choices, and those choices have consequences. One of the consequences of getting pregnant and married is that you miss the big, white wedding extravaganza that nearly every young girl dreams of. But what would be the point of that big wedding now? Weddings do have a purpose. They don't really just exist as a showcase for the bride.
If she didn't have some kind of celebration for her wedding, you could host a modest reception. That way, she could have a cake and some pictures and celebrate with friends and family. If she really had a wedding before, but is just holding out for a big one, I say she should save up and pay for it herself. She will probably find that she can think of a lot of better ways to spend the money at this point.
You are not a bad mom, just a rational one.
2006-10-22 10:42:48 · answer #1 · answered by happygirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not giving someone what they want is not an indicator for being a bad mother. Teenagers tend to have a self centered focus and because of their limited experience they quickly determine their own self justification.
There is no right or wrong answer to your daughter’s wishes. She expects the same or better than the common practices. Do what you can and no more. If she places a financial issue as a fault in place of her mother's love. Than truly she is in the wrong. Do not tell her she is wrong. Simply tell her you are unable to fill her wishes at this time. If you are against the Wedding due to the situation, you need to tell her that you cannot support spending money on luxuries when the new family is going to need your financial support in other ways. If your daughter claims they can handle their own finances then ask her to demonstrate wise financial spending/saving/investing by providing the necessities for the child. Do not offer them financial aid. Until they have a College Trust Fund and a Home with a Back Yard with no Money owed to anyone they are not financially sound (not to mention a retirement fund). Most people that receive financial gifts from their parents come to hope/expect additional financial aid. The harder they work for financial stability early in life the more able they will be to provide for their child. If you determine that they are truly trying to better their family then and only then should you support them financially. It's a hard lesson to learn but its rewards are great.
Good Luck
Bird Dog
2006-10-22 11:00:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The selection has been made by way of the bride. If you'll appreciate her, avert the drama and benefit from the marriage ceremony. He IS her dad, however absolutely she selected the uncle given that he used to be there for her in the course of her lifestyles. I have no idea the instances of the divorce, however please enable this bride the affection you are saying your suppose for her even as her uncle escorts her. Sometimes love needs we enable others to make choices we do not accept as true with. But you have got to ask your self what's extra primary, your courting with this younger woman or your emotions. I'd vote courting. Let her know the way lovely she is on her marriage ceremony day. Show her she is precious, and emotions gets simpler sooner or later.
2016-09-01 00:58:54 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey, i agree, the wedding ship has sailed...you are not a bad mother, you are just using your brain...your daughter is using her romantic imagination.... i wouldn't rain on her parade and tell her that i thought a wedding was a bad idea, but i would not pay for the wedding..... tell her this is something she is going to have to do on her own and the only support you can give her is helping with the baby..... she will appreciate the wedding more if she is the one working to pay for it anyway... & maybe the work she and her husband put into it will make their relationship stronger....
2006-10-22 10:39:33 · answer #4 · answered by Cap'n Donna 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think if they are already married then they don't need a wedding. Neither of mine or my husbands parents could help out with a wedding and we definitely couldn't so we just got married because we didn't want to put that financial burden on anyone.
2006-10-22 10:55:10 · answer #5 · answered by ♥ to ...... 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No I dont think you should pay for a wedding..seems she put the cart before the horse. And you are already helping themout every month.
Suggest that they have a tea in your home or the home of a friend. Some salads, sandwiches..simple but nice. Or tell her that in lieu of a wedding you will give her a decent baby shower.
2006-10-22 10:51:43 · answer #6 · answered by muggin_girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your a bad mother for not wanting to pay for a wedding. My cousin got pregnant in her senior year of high school and she got married a year later. She and her husband- to-be split the costs with her parents. You should make them responsible for a portion to see how much they really want it. If they are actually paying or giving up other perks from you.....you'll know how important it really is to them. Good Luck!
2006-10-22 10:47:53 · answer #7 · answered by sunshine 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not a bad mom for that. If she is 17 with a child, she has more important things to do and spend money on than a wedding.
2006-10-22 10:37:16 · answer #8 · answered by Nicole M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not a bad mother....It's good for her that you didn't pay for the wedding, it'll teach her that everything in life isn't free...Don't help her out financially if her hubby don't have a job either. That just makes you look like a welfare organization, and they'll take advantage of you.
2006-10-22 10:39:00 · answer #9 · answered by Death Virus 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes are right. If they are already married then they don't need a wedding. In cases that a parent is helping out and helping the couple
financially then you have done enough....
2006-10-22 10:35:25 · answer #10 · answered by ▒Яenée▒ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋