I'm 20 years old and still being treated like a child. Why can't i decide anything for myself.?

Question

I live with my fiance who is 27 and my daughter abi i also live my my partners parents as we are savings to buy a house. The thing is they always treat me like a child. and when i tell them this they say they dont know they do it and will try to stop but then they do it again. Exampls: i opened a new bank account the other day and they told me who to go with. Then once i had told them which acc i had chosen they went off on one saying it was the wrong one to choose. My mother-in0law takes over with my daughter my father-in-law treat me like he's my dad and im 15 living at home again and my partner thinks that cos he's older than me he has more experience so he knows more. i'm sick of felling totally alone. all my decisions get critisized and my opinions overided. we viewed some houses today to buy and everyone of them were ones my pertner had chosen i did choose some of my own but of course he regected those and we ended up viewing his. i just know know what to do. help xxxx

Answer 1

they obviously dont respect u either tell ur fiance to buck up his ideas or ur r finishing with him

Answer 2

Some of what they are doing is because they are older and wiser so they probably do know which bank is better and which type account to open. You are still just 20 and learning the about life. You have the right to stand up to them in an adult fashion by having a nice sit down discussion and explaning to them how you feel - and do this without getting angry - explain to them you know they are just trying to help - but some things in life you have to learn on your own. And honey let me tell you about the fiance part - my husband is 8 years older then me and unless you let it be known to him that you are his partner and his equal - he will always the the one to make all the decisions. You need to seriously think about your life and how are you going to feel 10 years into the marriage and everything is still the same - him making all the decisions about your life together. Good Luck

Answer 3

This woman probably feels lonely in life and wants someone that knows will love her. Her child. But this woman is not ready to be a mother. She has many other problems to take care of. Most concerning her family and money. She needs to grow up and consider how this child life is going to be like. She seems to only be thinking about herself. Whatever, she wants to be a single mom. No problem. But she needs to think about this child's health and what problems are going to occur. She isn't ready. Send her to somebody that can figure her out or get help from her parents.

Answer 4

Be mean. Be damn mean until they realize that you run you. No husband should choose a house unless they plan to mange it too. If you control the cooking and cleaning of the house and taking care of the baby then the house is your decision. Use your power and use your MOUTH. Tell him and them that this is what you choose and it's not open to discussion. Choose your battles wisely, don't fight, just tell them how it's going to be. Stop discussing your life with you in-laws, and get out on your own ASAP. When people are paying your way they think they own you. Don't worry about their feelings, they aren't worried about yours, and you are not responsible for anyone happiness but your own. Put yourself first now!!!! Before you turn into the lady who wears "mom jeans", doesn't comb her hair, doesn't do her make up and only leaves the house to drop off the kids, pick up the kids, and go to the grocery store.

Answer 5

It is true that your fiance is older and does know more than you from life experience. My husband is 9 years older than I am. I was 20 when we met. You just need to make decisions that are right for you and feel solid in them. When they want to criticize you for a decision you've made simply tell them "I appreciate your advice, but I have made this decision which I feel is the best for myself and my daughter. I don't care to discuss this any further with you." Get out of there as soon as you can!!! You're a grown woman, but realize that society still looks at 20 years old as young. They love you. If they didn't, they wouldn't be trying to help you out and save you from some of the mistakes they have made in thier lives.

Also, you need to have a real heart to heart with the fiance before getting married and especially before buying a house with him. I wouldn't, under any circumstances, buy a house with a man I wasn't married to. It could totally blow up in your face and cause you so much financial troubles in your future for years to come if your relationship doesn't work out.

Keep making right decisions for yourself and prove them wrong girl!!!!!!

Answer 6

Part of being an adult is accepting advice graciously and not getting frustrated by it. All of those examples sounded like they were completely out of love, not out of a need to control your life. I'm older than you and my parents still give me tons of advice... they even say things like, "Oh... are you going to bring water to the gym? You might get dehydrated"... now seriously.

It used to bother me, and I'd say, "Everytime I go to the gym that you don't know about... do you think I do things wrong because you're not there to remind me?". But they say they just do it out of love and can't help it because they are parents. I don't think you can do anything except realize where it comes from and understand that it is out of love and not out of ill will towards you.

If you really feel like you are right, stick up for yourself and prove your point in a mature way... with evidence and in a calm way. Getting all flustered and upset about this just makes you seem like a child throwing a temper tantrum. I don't mean that in a mean way, just telling you how to make it better.

Good luck with everything.

Answer 7

your allowing them to dictate to you , the next time you make a decision you stick to it , and stand firm . there are to many people around you telling you what to do , when your boyfriend and you are going looking at houses say we are going to look at a,b,and c. and dont give in , you have every right to look at the house you want to see. there is a bit of . controlling going on here and unless you stand up for yourself where will it end , if it doesnt I would not stay another day in the relationship.you are giving in too easy, they may think there helping but your fiance has the same traits .put an end to it now !!!!!!!!

Answer 8

The fact is true, your husband is more experienced. Your dad's father is also right, as he is your father in law ~ means like a father. You should take the things easily, lightly and study their attitude, analyse the things. Apparantly there seems nothing much wrong. They love you and are taking care of you. Surely you are much younger than them and all of them have practical life experiences. Wait for some time and gain experience and then keep them informing / updating that you have developed much knowledge to handle things yourself.

Answer 9

Listen-calm down. You are only twenty yrs old! That's a little out of yr teen yrs, and you have a lot to learn and experience. Yr fiance is 27 yr old, much older, more experienced with life than u are. As far as opening a checking acct, the "adult" thing to do is to gather information first---than choose. Sounds like your voicing your thoughts more than thinking them over and then decide what to do.

Answer 10

If you are for real,(and your situation is far from unique),then you can make a decision-walk away. If your fiance is not protecting you from your 'in laws' by supporting you and valuing your contribution now, then he probably never will. You will all ways be second best to mummy. Why hasn't he got a place of his own at his age anyway?

Answer 11

Well you can always tell your husband how you feel right? Isn't marriage built on trust, communication, and love? Then you should be able to talk to him. But don't keep it in because too much animosity built up, you could explode under emotional stress. Just try talking to your husband about the situation and say what happens next.