If you're really good in English (like the subject), I would really appreciate your help!?

Question

This is on The Great Gatsby. We are supposed to write a paper on a character, and I thought I was cool in choosing the "challenge" of George Wilson. I don't know why, but I gathered all my info on him & it's too late to change. Anyway, here's my intro, and I would absolutely LOVE any feedback you guys have. Critique, changes--(is it a bad central idea?), suggestions--anything helps! Thanks everyone, I appreciate it!

..."Fitzgerald's character George Wilson, in The Great Gatsby, is above all an innocent man. This innocence makes him both unaware and submissive. His unawareness is that he does not realize his wife is committing adultery, and his submission is in being patient with Tom and letting advantage of his life. George Wilson's dilemma is evident in his strive to get by, his relationship with Myrtle, and ultimately his death...."

The last sentence is supposed to outline the 3 main points on the 3 body paragraphs and I don't think they're strong...any thoughts on that?

*oh sorry, I meant "letting him take advantage of his life." Thanks for those of you who actually help me, I appreciate it.

EXACTLY: I have no clue what my thesis on George Wilson should be. Oh my gosh! If someone gives me one, I am good with going with things and writing about it, but not on coming up with my own topice :( Thanks.

Answer 1

I'd say you made a good choice - Wilson's a neglected character (even though he kills Gatsby.)
But "innocent?" Maybe a better word would be naive, since, for most of the book, he's unaware of his wife's cheating.
Some other adjectives that might apply to him:
unsophisticated, unsuspecting, unsuspicious, unwary (lots of "uns" there) credulous, gullible, susceptible, and too trustful/trusting.

Let's revise your last three sentences a little:

"Fitzgerald's character George Wilson, in The Great Gatsby, is above all a naive man. His unsophisticated nature makes him both gullible and submissive. Although his wife's adultery is immediately apparent to the reader, George remains unaware of it for some time. Then, when he finally realizes what has been going on, he's misled by Tom and by his submissiveness to those more wealthy into blaming the wrong man. George Wilson's stunted personality is evident in his striving to get by, in his relationship with Myrtle, and ultimately in his death. After shooting the wrong man for the wrong reason, he commits suicide.
George may kill himself, but it is the "careless" people, the ones like Tom who leave it to others to clean up their messes, who are responsible for his, and Gatsby's, death.

I think your "thesis" should concern itself with this:

"Page 170 "They were careless people, Tom and Daisy — they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made…"

George. Myrtle and even Gatsby are all victims of this "carelessness" by people such as Tom and Daisy, those who "could care less."

Answer 2

Well for one thing i just want to point out that you've used a lot of fancy words...unawareness, dilemma, submission and so on. I have read amazing essays/papers and the use of those types of words that often make the paper boring. I have read stronger essays that have used small words.

This part doesn't make sence "Tom and letting advantage of his life" is that suppoesed to say 'taking advantage'?

Who's Tom? Who's Myrtle and what is his relationship with her and what about his death? -- Try to answer those questions. Got to remember to write a paper like you are telling someone who has not read this book or seen the movie or whatever you happen to be writing about.

You have an awkward sentence: "His unawareness is that he does not realize his wife is committing adultery, and his submission is in being patient with Tom and letting advantage of his life."
What I mean by awkward is that is doesn't really flow. It calls upon more questions than answers. It should probably be worded somewhat differently.

I hope I have helped you. Good luck.

P.S. I forgot about the thesis. The thesis should be your LAST sentence in the intro paragraph. It should state what your point of the essay is. If you were writing about the Three Little Pigs, it could say something like: "In the end the wolf could not beat the three little pigs and reach his goal of blowing over the house." Then you would continue into how he couldn't do it and so on...

Answer 3

alright I've come up with a thesis for you, other than this you're on your own kiddo:

George Wilson suffered an intense bout of justifiable insanity in avenging the murder of his beloved wife Myrtle; which ultimately resulted in a climactic murder-suicide.

i should have known better than to get involved in this
---------------------------------
problems, many problems
you need to rework your thesis -

George Wilson is an innocent man is not significant enough to be a thesis statement
(above all is filler, above all what?)

i'd like to help you, but i'm going to need you to provide a more significant thesis - its killing me

step 1: formulate thesis
step 2: 3 main points

Answer 4

Here's a re-write; feel free to use as much or as little of it as you please.
*****
George Wilson, F. Scott Fitzgerald's character in 'The Great Gatsby,' is often characterized as a dumb, spiritless man; his actions paint another portrait: one of innocence betrayed. Focused only on his work and his wife, his ingenuousness is often misconstrued as ignorance, as evidenced by Tom Buchanan's remark, "He's so dumb he doesn't know he's alive."

Upon learning of his wife's infidelities, the fabric of George Wilson's life is rent. His boring, predictable existence devolves to one of pain and revenge and finally to mental illness. His betrayal demands resolution but that slips away with the untimely death of his wife, a death that demands retribution.

Wilson's dilemma is apparent, and he sees the death of Gatsby, the supposed lover and killer, as balm for the roiling emotions that threaten to consume him. Crazed vengeance results in the deaths of both hard-luck Wilson and The Great Gatsby.

Answer 5

and his submission is in being patient with Tom and letting advantage of his life. --- needs some fixing otherwise it sounds good

Answer 6

Whoa, i dont even get what this is all about, too many "big" words, i bet that even you can hardly understand what you have wrote, B- Confusing and not in order...What i mean by not in order is that the events are all mixed up...

Answer 7

yeah they're good points and i think it will be a really good paper as long as you use really colorful adverbs and adjectives, teachers love that.