I need parent advice !!!?

Question

I need help!!! okay here is the situation. My mother is overweight (nothing against that ), but she makes me do everything!!! I hold down a job a boyfriend and school a very small social life that only happens at school because i am limited on friends. She says i am not responsible when i still have good grades, and have never been late for work. Our house is a mess because i am never home to clean it due to school and work, yet all she does is sit at home and watch tv. She doesnt have a job. She is limited on her mobility because of a disk and joint disease, but she doesnt try to help herself. she could get a desk job and sit at a computer. I dont know what to tell her. i want to tell her to get up off her butt and help, but i have to mush respect for her to tell her that,but i am just worn out. what should i do?

Answer 1

Let your mother know how her comments hurt you, and how you have tried your hardest to keep the house up, your grades up and your own social life, but you feel that it is too overwhelming with no help. Maybe tell her you'd like if she did the laundry in the kitchen with you while you do dishes, or make it a time to spend together, and maybe she will be more likely to do chores and help if you make it able to happen at the same time. That way you can chat, and maybe she'll be more motivated to do it. Just sit her down, have a nice conversation with her so that she knows you feel so overwhelmed with all of your duties, and are hurt by her negative comments. You seem so stressed, and let her know that this stress s weighing you down, and how much you would appreciate it if she could help out when you arent able to be home or around. Good luck!

Answer 2

You don't say your age, that has some bearing on this.
You mention she is overweight, but with a qualifier. Obviously because it bothers you. It is more relevant because she has a back problem - and would not be able to do okay at a desk job. You are not in her shoes. Let her know you are feeling overwhelmed, and talk with her about it.
Let me help you understand maybe a little. I know it's hard for you because you are not an adult with all the responsibilities inherent in that. A few times a year my back "goes out" - I am good for nothing, and have to move every half hour or so - from the couch to a chair to the bed, and repeat. I feel totally helpless and cannot do anything. Maybe make supper. No cleaning, clearing, nothing. Like for a week. My son and husband have to pick up the load - mostly my son in high school. I feel like crap because of it, but I cannot help it - it just needs time to heal.

Answer 3

Hey Linds, here's some help. First of all, I am proud of you for doing well in school, having a boyfriend, having a job, maintaining a social life (even if it is only at school) , AND worrying about your mother's health. You have a lot of good things going for you and I am proud of you and I am sure that you will be a sucess. I am sorry to hear about your mom's back problems, because I have been through that and I know the pain she's in and the hopelessness of spine and disc problems. There is one thing your mom can do to restore her back. I did this and it fixed my back and I have never had any problems for years and years. I went to my local hospital and walked into physical therapy and talked to the director about my back problems and asked what she could offer. Well, she told me about a regimen of treatment and I then asked my doctor to give me orders for this treatment, which I then completed on 14 Saturdays, no more pain, no more problems! Until you can convince your Mother to go find out about this and then do this, forget about her helping you around the house and forget about her being nice to you or anybody else. On a personal level, though, I think you should avoid confrontational arguments with your mom, but make sure you at least once or twice look her in the eyes, nose to nose, and tell her "I just want you to know mom that I am doing well in school, I have a job and I am doing well at work, I will graduate, I will get my diploma, I will be a sucessful in life, and I LOVE YOU!". Sooner or later, she will go for the care she needs, her back problems will be alleviated, and she will again appreciate the wonderful daughter that you are! Hope this helps! :-)

Answer 4

Your Mom is being very selfish. I can understand that she can't do a lot of stuff around the house. But she is using this as an excuse. She should feel very proud of you, she should also SAY how proud of you she is.You have respect for your mom, which is great, but you need too sit down and have a long talk with her. What is she going too do when you leave home? She needs too get a desk job somewhere so she can become more independent, talk too her about this also. Tell her you are just wore out from doing everything at home, working, and etc.. This can't continue. Your mom is telling you you're not responsible because she wants too keep your self-confidense down. She won't want you too get out on your own. BUT...She's probably got so used too just sitting around doing nothing that It's hard for her too imagine actually having a life. I can't stress how important it is that you have that talk with her, tell her she needs too lose some weight because you are concerned about her health.
I wish you luck on this. and I also hope you take my advice. I've seen a few parents that cling too their kids, depend on them, and etc...It's not good. and you have too do something now..

Answer 5

Well sounds to me that your plate is pretty full and yes sound to me that you do need time to yourself. As a stay at home mother its my job to keep the house up and not to put all this on my children. I feel if she is that sick then maybe she should bring in some outside help in and maybe try to start losting weight that would also help on her joint diesease cause the less weight you have to carry around the better it is on the body. Yes she does need to be helping more...........
Just dont lose who you are you are aloud to be a child you shouldn't have to grow up to fast....... Maybe just sit down with her and try talking to her about your feeling if she is understanding kinda person she will listen with her heart to you and what you have to say .GOOD LUCK KIDDO

Answer 6

Honey maybe you could talk to a pastor and explain the situation.and he might even arrange to have someone come over and help with the housework. I would turn your problems over to the Lord. She might be saying that you are not responsible out of frustration., because she is so limited as to what she can do.I'm sure she doesn't mean it when she says that to you. Just say a prayer and see what happens. The lord is always there for the asking. God Bless you and your mother.

Answer 7

I would ask her if she is happy with her life,( not including you) I would try telling her she is pretty and you would like to help her get out of her depression, If she could do just one thing a day that makes her feel good about herself, she should try it, Maybe that would help some? maybe she could go online and get a job from home, typing or sending info or something like that. She truelly isnt being fair to you, but she needs to be fair to herself, for that to happen, or for her to change her attitude towards you. This will be a slow process, but If she cares enough about you or herself she would try to make some kind of effort.

Answer 8

in a situation like this it's really hard to say b/c this is your mom and you don't want to seem disrepectful torwards her.....however i understand where you are coming from, what i think is happening here is your mom has leaned on you to take care of all the responsibilities wich is no fair to you, and something definitely needs to be done...b/c you are still young and you want to be able to enjoy some free time with your friends and so forth, although there is nothing wrong with helping your mom but i think she is pending way too much on you.....this is none of my business but if your mom is receiving disability for her condition then she could get alot of help from other sources....there are nurses who could come out to the house to help your mom as well....but that doesnt mean for you to not to be there for your mom, you must still help your mom every now and then, that is your mom and she brought you into this world....however i think you guys should consider getting help from other sources maybe some family could help so some of this weight could be lifted off of you.....now get that house clean sweeti nobody should live in such enviorment.....take care sweet heart may god bless you.

Answer 9

Lock her in the basement for a month and feed her fruit. That will cure two problems she will lose weight and you can clean the house once. She will be mad at first but she will thank you later mine did.

Answer 10

Tell her how u feel and hopefully she will understand how u feel.