last year he bought me an engagement ring that he wanted to surprise me about but i found out because of the money that was missing in the account he really wanted to surprise me but he told me about it he was really upset with me about that so anyway he has been talking about getting married since then and i am and always have been afraid to get married seeing how sometimes marriage changes a relationship he and i have a really good relationship we have 2 kids and we are both 30 and 32 so it is not that i dont think we are ready well this is something that he really wants and right now i am ready too and i just dont know how to tell him does anyone have any advice just remember he was really upset when i found out about the ring but he still does want to get married but i did ruin the surprise and i want him to still be able to surprise me
2006-10-22 07:42:29 · 30 answers · asked by christycote@sbcglobal.net 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he wants to get married i didnt he still does and now i do so i want to know how i can tell him i want to and to let him know that i want him to surprise me like he was originally and i found out abuot the missing money because i am the one balances the account and i notice 2000 dollars missing of course i questioned
2006-10-22 07:53:43 · update #1
Well it sounds like you're living like married people already, you even have two children together, so it shouldn't change your relationship on a day-to-day basis that much.
I found after my husband and I got married after dating for nine years and living together for five of that nine, marriage for us just made it that much more solid and real. Not that our relationship wasn't before... I don't know you just have to get married to know the difference. But our day-to-day lives didn't change any more than it would've if we hadn't gotten married, I was still me and he was still him and we were still living together, etc.
As far as the surprise part goes, tell him you feel bad about finding the ring, but that you'd still like the proposal to be a surprise. From there you'll just have to leave it up to him!!
Good luck!
2006-10-22 07:52:18 · answer #1 · answered by Auddi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
MARRIAGE does not emotionally change a relationship. It is a legal distinction,
This myth persists from people whose agenda dishonestly tries to "win" the object of their affections by compromising their principles to achieve the end instead of being true to who they are themselves and when they get married they stop "acting" and become themselves and then issues and expectations come out in the open.
Your marriage will succeed because you work at it just as you do at the relationship you now have. If being secure in your relationship will damage it, then someone is still "acting".
Get over the idea of a surprise at this point ... the deeper issue is really the dent in the trust between you from the sudden missing money in the account ... while his intentions were honorable, there is something in you that lacked the faith in him ... resolve that issue before proceeding into marriage.
2006-10-22 14:59:19 · answer #2 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm confused. did he give you the ring last year after you found out about the missing money? If you have the ring, then just set up a nice romantic dinner or outting and just tell him you feel you are ready for the wedding ring. If you are still waiting for that engagement ring, then start making noises about how nice a ring would look on your finger. He can still surprise you with the ring if you don't have it yet!
2006-10-22 14:50:17 · answer #3 · answered by piano nerd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay. If the surprise is what you want, go get the marriage license and have him surprise you with the wedding day. Have him just show up one day and grab you and throw you in the car and go down to the church, just you and him and a couple of witnesses off the street and get hitched. How romantic! Don't worry about being married. It is a wonderful thing. Good luck.
2006-10-22 14:45:56 · answer #4 · answered by DMBthatsme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He expected you NOT to notice that the money was out of the bank? Whose account is it? If he flared up at something like that, which is really his fault, he is not ready for marriage.
If you ruined the surprise already, how is he going to surprise you? You are not ready, either. You seem to think it's all about a ring.
If you think you have a really good relationship, let it be the way it is. Good luck to you and your family. Remember, your children are watching you.
2006-10-22 14:59:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relax. Just do it. My brother and his wife now, dated and lived together for over 25 years and this year out of the blue they sent a email with their hands on it with wedding rings. They got married. It doesn't matter if it is a surprise or not. Just go with the flow and do it.
2006-10-22 14:45:09 · answer #6 · answered by Trollhair 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you only want to get married because of the possible status involved. You want to be able to say you're married, and you like the idea of having a ring. Actually, I think you are still terrified to get married and he knows it - so he's waiting for you to get comfortable but you're not.
2006-10-22 15:01:42 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about you surprise him. Plan a little date at a resturant and ask him (holding his hands and still sitting down) to marry you. It'll be a big surprise to him and he'll be amazed. And don't be shy. It seems like you're already married with him.
2006-10-22 15:02:51 · answer #8 · answered by honeyfairy5 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if i was u hun
i would get him a ring and take him out for a meal and suprise him in that way ask him to marry u cuz then thats a surprise for him
take care
n congratulations when u do get engaged and married!!!!!:-)
2006-10-22 14:48:05 · answer #9 · answered by Katie P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In most states you are already married...
At least in the USA it is that way....
'Common law marriage'...
If you want a Church wedding with all the frills
then tell him!
You have children already...
Your family is already started...
Finish the job, and do it correctly!
2006-10-22 15:01:03 · answer #10 · answered by TRUE GRIT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋