My daughter asked me if she could tell me something and promise not to tell anyone. I said okay. Her good friend made a small cut on her arm with scissors and made a comment that she liked doing it. My daughter was very upset and asked her to promise never to do it again. She wouldn't promise. Her friend has some health issues. She's taking some medications, but not sure for what. How do I approach the mother without involving my daughter and ruining their friendship? I'm afraid her friend will hurt herself more. Thanks.
2006-10-22 07:42:13 · 17 answers · asked by haikuhi2002 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
i'm not worried about my daughter losing her friendship with this girl, that came out wrong. i just need to know how to talk to the mom about it and what to say to the friend without making her feel betrayed.
2006-10-22 07:50:06 · update #1
I did tell her this was something that could not be kept secret.
2006-10-22 07:52:11 · update #2
First of all your are not the first person to ask this question. I have had some incidents with cutting with one of my best friends. Unfortunately she is no longer with us.
One of two things it sounds like her friend wants to tell her to get help or she wanted to see if she'd keep a secret.
Your daughter was right in telling you its a very destructive thing call self mutilationation. Is usually cause my high levels of stress and other things.
Your daughter and you have every right to to approach her mother if not. You can call the authorities and have her taken into protective custody.
No matter how mad her friend gets at her. Just tell her she did the right thing. Sometimes are not ment to be secrets especially when they involve hurting themselves or someone else.
Your daughter is a good kid if give her kudos for coming forward because they its a very hard thing to do.
2006-10-22 08:21:14 · answer #1 · answered by dee luna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good answer when you told her this is something that you can't keep a secret. Though telling this mom that their daughter is doing this is not easy, and can have many outcomes, but has to be done. How you approach it is up to your knowledge of the parent. If you think she ill listen well if you tell her then go for it, or you and your daughter can talk to the guidance counselor at the school. They should know how to handle the situation and can contact the parent with the concerns. This way it also takes it out of your hands, but it is also good for your daughter to know what and how to handle situations like that.
hope this helps
2006-10-22 16:52:40 · answer #2 · answered by DJ n 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the one time that you are going to have to do something regardless of your promise. You will have to explain to your daughter that even though you promised this is not something that you can stay quite about. You need to tell the mother, this little girl needs help. How would you feel if the situation was reversed. You need to make sure you don't make that kind of promise to your daughter again. You need to say that you will keep her promise as long as she or one of her friends is not in danger. You must tell the mother now before it happends again and teh girl really hurts herself.
2006-10-22 14:46:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If that girls mother was a good one, you would think she already would know. I used to do this when I was put on a whole bunch of pills. I was very young. I suggest just writing a note unidentified because then she wont be upset when she gets it as much, she wont be able to pin it on you. If someone tells her mother, then she goes and talk to the daughter, she will be okay.She's looking for attention. It's not to end her life because if she would have taken those scissors out to do that she would have done the job already. She wants someone to notice, if she didn't your daughter would have never found it.
2006-10-22 14:47:13 · answer #4 · answered by GodWillSaveMe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a parent, it's not your job to be your daughters friend. It IS your job to let the girls' parents know what you know. When it comes down to it, your daughter will understand that when you approach the girls' parents and get her help, saving the girls' life is more important than a 'little secret'. It's a major thing that should be taken seriously, and you shouldn't let your daughters anger make your decisions for you.
If you know a child is in danger, you don't keep it to yourself just because you think your daughter might get mad at you. Turn it around and imagine if you found your daughter with her wrists slashed and later found out that her friend's mother knew she was cutting herself, but she never told you because she was afraid her own daughter might get mad at her.
Do you see how silly that sounds? Do you see you furious you would feel?
I think a girl's health is more important than your daughter's temper.
2006-10-22 14:52:01 · answer #5 · answered by kmodek 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Her friend telling your daughter could be a cry out for help. As adults I think we need to care and interfare when we see people hurting themselves... I think you should inform the school - a teacher or a nurse, and ask if they could take action. Then your daughter wouldn't feel that you betrayed her, and she will know that her mother is a responseble person that knows what's best. Good luck!
2006-10-22 14:48:16 · answer #6 · answered by Bea 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think your daughter should hang out with her. She should let her friend that even though she likes cutting herself she should realize she is hurting herself and you daughter by doing this. your daughter cares a lot for this friend and should tell her that unless she stops doing this she cant be friend with her anymore because it hurts to much to see someone she cares about being hurt. if after your daughter has that talk to her friend and it continues then you have no choice then to let the parents know what is happening. you daughter should not promise her friend she will not inform anyone about this.
2006-10-22 14:59:22 · answer #7 · answered by LAURA B 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is a tough one, but you could probably try and get the school involved and ask them to contact the parent. Maybe call the school nurse and let her know about it, then she could call the mom. this is a very bad thing for a young girl to be doing got herself. You must to something, soon. Heaven forbid it was your daughter, what would you want to be done? Very best of luck to you and your daughter's friend!
2006-10-22 14:48:01 · answer #8 · answered by Jm 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think this is one promise that can't be kept. You daughter's friend needs help and I think that you need to tell the friends mother about it. If this was your daughter wouldn't you want to be told about it. Good luck to you.
2006-10-22 14:47:49 · answer #9 · answered by Rosey55 D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell your daughter's friend's mother what is going on. Don't get your daughter invovled. Your daughter made this promise to you because she cares for her friend and doesn't want her to get in trouble. GOOD LUCK!
2006-10-22 15:10:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋