I think my husband has certian expectations and when they are not met he will yell at me, curse, throw things, and has even told me to shut up. If he is working on the computer his family would not ask him what he is doing, but I ask what are you doing,and this makes him angry because he feels I am not respecting him. He even expects our cat to meow if she gets stuck in a room and has to use the litter box, just beacuse his cats do that at home. (But they are outside cats,mine is indoors.) I asked my husband if he respects me and he said about as much as i respect him. But I don't yell, or do any of the stuff he does to me. I feel that he has expectations based on how his family treated him at home and when I don't do same as them i get disrespected.I tell him that telling me to shut up huts me he doesn't care and says well you did not respect me.This cycle hurts and everything seems to be about him first. And he says he loves me.He is also a marine as well, what is going on here?
2006-10-22 07:22:00 · 23 answers · asked by ilih2006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
that is messed up....he might need some anger management classes.....he has no right to treat you like that and then say he loves you....
2006-10-22 07:24:53 · answer #1 · answered by narcissa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When your husband yells at you like that you should just be quiet you should show him how you feel because if you both really love each other what is holding you back. I mean someone you love shouldn't treat you with disrespect, leaving him could be the answer if he isn't going to change, and don't wait to long hoping that it will happen. You should tell him when he says that he respects you just as much as him, that is a lie because you do respect him and by the way he is acting that he clearly doesn't respect you at all. About the part where you said he acts like this because of his family, maybe its time to find somone else, because when somone loves you it shouldn't matter about there past because he lives with you now and if he loves you enough he shouldn't treat you like that at all, you can sit around at home all day living with this, or you can leave him to be angry on his own because your husband shouldn't ever treat you like that.
2006-10-22 14:36:19 · answer #2 · answered by jeff 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband is a Marine then a lot of the times they are trained to have things done a certain way and thats it. It really sounds like your husband is still living in boot camp times and wants to imply what he learned in boot camp at home. There are also some other underlying issues going on to. I would go try to speak with a family counselor or someone to see if you can get to the root of your husbands demands. Some anger management classes may help too. Good Luck!
2006-10-22 14:33:44 · answer #3 · answered by valentinegirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a jerk. in the Marine's you learn to respect others as well as being a soldier. He is a great American but sound's like a bad husband. Sound's like he has been babied in the past by his family. He has a new life now. When you are a Marine you are supposed to Improvise, Adapt and Over come. I guess he has forgotten this.
2006-10-22 14:37:25 · answer #4 · answered by warriors 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has several issues, none easily overcome:
Firstly, he has an image problem -- it's called Machismo. Guys who have this 'little' problem fear that if they let their guard down, they will not be regarded as masculine. So to over-come this, they are demanding, defiant, critical, contemptious and all the rest of it.
Secondly, has anger management issues, certainly tied in with the above problem. He is unreasonable, and expect that things should always be the way they were when he grew up. In otherwords, he is ridgid and inflexible. This makes negotiation of any problems, no matter how insignificant in a civil manner next to impossible......
Thirdly, he shows no empathy -- he is unable to think outside his own wishes and desires. (yup, you said it -- it is all about him, and it won't change, either.....)
Fourthly, he is insecure in his own skin, and puffs this up with his downgrading treatment of all of those around him, including (for christ sake) the cat. He has to downgrade those around him to be able to walk taller.
In summary, you married an insecure baby, not a loving partner, who is quietly secure in his masculinity, his ability to please, and his wish to be a giver, rather than a taker. He couldn't care less about pleasing you, or anyone else around him unless there is something in it for him......
These kinds of guys are interesting to date, but not much fun to be married to, because you will never get a kind, attentive, loving relationship from someone like him. He need a personality overhaul, and that ain't likely to happen.
This is what's going on. Your decision is: Do you wish to remain?????
Helpful??? want to know more??? write me.
2006-10-22 14:44:48 · answer #5 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm..the marine thing kinda threw me off a bit. whats the theory on marines? Well, the only way for all of your problems to go away is try to talk to him and tell him how you feel. Maybe reasch a compromise and list down the things you guys dont like about each other. Are you guys newly weds? This could be the adjustment period. Give it time. Marriage is about giving each other space to grow and compromise as well:-)
2006-10-22 14:28:19 · answer #6 · answered by wittlewabbit 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a jerk to me. He picked you because he could push you around. You question yourself first (not that that is bad) but when dealing with his type it is a problem.
You have a couple of choices, you can work on your assertiveness, of course he will not like this.
You can put up with his very disrespectful behavior until it wears you down to nothing.
You can ask him to go to marriage counseling with you.
Or you can get the hell out of there and find a good and kind man who will appreciate how sweet you obviously are.
Good luck to you.
2006-10-22 14:30:43 · answer #7 · answered by crct2004 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are too disparate in character and should probably not have gotten married in the first place. if this seems to be all new since your marriage, then i suspect you two did not address each others expectations prior to the marriage and instead were trying to be what the other wanted (not being true to yourselves) which is dishonest. ( a poor foundation for a marriage)
2006-10-22 14:38:22 · answer #8 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you you should see a marriage counsellor, by yourself and with your husband if he will go. Sounds like he needs some help with anger management. You need to be concerned for your safety - one of these times he could do physical harm.
2006-10-22 14:28:01 · answer #9 · answered by Cherry Blossom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is not good! No one should treat a human that way, non-the less a wife! You need to put your foot down and demand some freekin respect! I would kick my hubby's *** if he talked like that to me! You guys are husband and wife, which make yous equal to one another! You might need to be selfish yourself! People will only treat you that way if you let them! You are his wife and if you don't act like that with him, he should not talk to you that way! Screw being nice to him, don't do **** for him!!!! He sounds like he needs anger mngmt! God Bless you for putting up with that, but you deserve to be treated as you treat him! Good Luck!
2006-10-22 14:36:20 · answer #10 · answered by Jm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has a short fuse, is controlling, and could possibly be an abuser. Or maybe being a marine, he has seen a lot of crap and is about to blow.
2006-10-22 14:27:56 · answer #11 · answered by sheeny 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋