My boyfriend's dad is forcing his relationship with his girlfriend he got shortly after my guy's mom passed away recently. He told me that my boyfriend was being selfish for not welcoming this new woman into his life with open arms. His dad is bitter towards his mom, and is trying to enforce it onto his son by saying terrible things of his mother and making bad memories of her for him. He says "I dont understand why he (my bf) cant get over his mom's death and welcome this new woman in her place". His son has told him multiple times that he doesnt want her to ber a part of his life, and his dad keeps forcing it on him, saying "what about me, what about me?". My boyfriend is trying to be open minded but he was close to his mom. Does he really HAVE to have her a part of his life like his dad is trying to force, I mean he's 21, going on 22 and that isnt right, he should be allowed what he wants and his dad should respect it.
2006-10-22 07:14:16 · 18 answers · asked by overwhelmed85 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
My bf has said "Thats fine that you have someone in your life, and that's great, I respect that, but why do you force her ONTO me...". His dad doesnt listen, he just hears what is being said and it goes in one ear and out the other. Does my bf HAVE to have her in his life? no...but my boyfriend respects his dad, and doesnt mind that his dad has a gf, but his dad is FORCING her on him. The woman even called the other day to cause problems.
2006-10-22 07:30:35 · update #1
First, nobody should be forced into anything. Your bf needs more time to grieve. He will never get over his mother's death completely. His dad is wrong to say negative things about you bf's mother. Eventually, he will have to accept his dad's choice of women if he wants a good relationship with his dad. But, it's a little soon now. He should tell his dad he is hurting him to say negative things about his mom.
2006-10-22 07:24:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Of course it will bother you and that's natural. Act like a civil adult and there should be no problem. One thing you SHOULD do if you're worried about her sitting in your mom's chair is ask for the chair and buy your father a new one. If the furniture hasn't even been moved, it's time for that. Time to start life again. (and I'm not trying to sound harsh, it's not about removing a memory, but there has to be room to make new ones)
2016-05-21 22:44:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether he likes it or not, this woman is a part of his father's life. After seeing some amount of life I can tell you this, he cannot wish her away. He should tell his dad, not to disrespect his mother's memory by speaking ill of her. But he is willing to meet his new girlfriend, he does not have to get close to her. At 21 and 22 your boyfriend is getting into a new life. In this future parents no longer play a pivotal role. He does not have to replace his mother with this woman, just accept there is new woman in his father's life.
2006-10-22 07:23:12 · answer #3 · answered by 40andgoing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough situation, but I agree with your boyfriend. The Dad would like to see harmony with kisses and hugs all around. That's being a little short sighted to the closeness that your boyfriend had with his late Mom. If Dad didn't like her that much, that's his issue, and he has found a new partner. Your boyfriend can recognize that Dad did this, but doesn't have to accept the new woman until he is ready.
2006-10-22 07:22:09 · answer #4 · answered by Arnold M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well..he's dad is human too.. He's got feelings..The new gf won't replace his late mom 4 sure..if he cant accept her then be it..even if his dad is forcing him..All he could do is respect the both of them..Since he can't part them.. But surely his dad is wrong to say such things abt his late wife..Its so sad is'nt it..Well be there for your bf coz i'am sure he misses a mothers touch so all you could be is a great gf dat he could count on :) .. there's nothin much he could do coz he's dad is unreasonable.. i was in the same situation too once.. it hurts so much so deep.. but i gave a chance 4 my step dad to prove his worth.. n he did a gd job on it..
2006-10-22 07:24:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I am sure your bf has realized by now that the only person we can control is ourselves.
He may have to be in this woman's presence sometimes, but there is no reason he should have to exchange 'air kisses' with her. He can let her and his father know that his loyalties remain with his late mother without actually being brutal to the woman. This is just part of being a grown-up.
2006-10-22 07:24:08 · answer #6 · answered by Puzzler 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my cousin went through the same thign and I dont blame him for refusing to be friendly with the new g/f and his dad. One year after his mom died? He should have waited unless his mom and them were divorced. You're bf is old enough to make his own decisions. He should try to get along with his dad but if his dad is that selfish then maybe he shouldnt see his dad anymore. Good luck to him
2006-10-22 07:17:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this bf still living at home? If he's NOT, he doesn't have to have this new woman in his life.
IF he's still in his fathers home, It is his fathers right to keep living on and find a life, and welcome women into his life.
He isn't being a good man though, by bad mouthing the "dead" that can't stick up for themselves. Your bf should let his father know that much!
If the bf still lives there, tell him to move out.
2006-10-22 07:22:28 · answer #8 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think this not only shows how much the guy misses his mom, but also how much of an importance the dad gives his son. if he wasn't interested, he wouldn't have even cared, but the very fact that he does shows that he cares for his son. think ur bf should use this fact to convey it to his dad that he may accept his dad's gf later, but it'll take time.
2006-10-22 07:23:30 · answer #9 · answered by Dirac 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. The father should not force the son. The son needs time.
2006-10-22 07:18:37 · answer #10 · answered by sheeny 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋