Are we doing anything wrong? My husband's parents have been involved in our children's' lives since day 1.

Question

We have 3 kids; the oldest 1 is not doing too well in school. It isn't b/c he doesn't understand the work. He's too distracted, telling on the other kids, messy handwriting etc. he’s a well behaved kid, very respectable towards adults. I've put together a system to go over the work his work a week prior and week after. I will begin sitting in his class 2-3 times during the week to find out what's he's doing, etc. My other two girls were recognized for their acemedics this week. The grandparents told the girls they would take them out to celebrate. Grandparents called earlier wanting to know what time they can pick the kids up, all 3. I shared with them that I prefer that the girls go, and our son stay here to study, work on his handwriting. They said we are punishing him, and abusing him b/c of keeping him away from people that love him. Share your thoughts, and do you think my husband and I are going by this the wrong way?

Also they changed their mind and decided not to pick the girls up to award them.

AGAIN..it's not that he can not do the work. He's well capable of doing well. He's too involved in telling on the other kids and rushing through his work. Allowing him to celebrate and do normal activities I believe sends the wrong message. A message saying it's ok to for what you do. Regardless, there are no consequences to our actions. I would probably agree more if he actually couldn't do the work. BUt that isn't the case, at all!

I'm refuse to make excuses for my son or any of my children. I believe that too many parents get in the habit of making excuses for their children why they do this or that. My husband and I both have neat handwriting, etc. Not to say, he'll have a neat handwriting b/c we do. My son is very intelligent, very clever child..Just to involved in telling on the other kids..Why should the girls suffer?

Answer 1

I think your absolutely right, a little over the top for their grandparents saying its abuse. You recognize your son has extra needs and requires more study time and I commend you for taking the time to sit with him. If he recognizes that his sisters are getting a special privledge, it might make him work a little harder and improve his grades so that he can join them next time. It would be a total shame for the grandparents to let the girls down now, that is extremely childish of them to do that. You n your husband need to tell them how you feel. Seems they just punished your girls for their shallow attitudes. Maybe your husband can take the girls out now? God Bless!

Answer 2

I'm not sure how old your son is but boys don't do the school thing well anyway. They are very immature for a long time. Does dad have good handwriting? Probably not. Most guys never have good handwriting in their whole life. Not something to base life on. It does take practice and it may never be perfect and really why does it matter? To fix the tattling thing is sorta simple. My oldest boy is 9 and we had a similar problem. We made a tattle box. Every time he wanted to tell on someone he had to write it ALL down on a piece of paper then put it in the box. Then we would open the box at the end of the day and read all the little complaints in it and talk about them. It's amazing that no one wants to write as much as they want to talk. Then the problem usually has already resovled itself and disregarded. There are the ones we still end up talking about and resolving as a group. Maybe his teacher can make a box like this to eliminate the disruptions and he'll be working on his writing skills too. All kids will tattle at some point in their life. Maybe he feels the kids are his problem to fix. Let him know the teacher is a big person and can handle all stuff like mom and dad. Telling only works if it's a real problem and give him examples of what those are. Girls just naturaly do better in school cause they mature faster. After 2 years of teachers telling me all the problems my son was I did finally with draw him and now I teach him at home. He's learning at a higher grade level then he was in a school too. Try different stuff til something works. It may be the school, not the child. Be very cautious however because schools really love to medicate kids nowadays instead of "dealing" with them. There are many options to choose from.

Answer 3

Did you will have the youngster wholly evaluated by way of a college psychologist: He would have a prime IQ, he would have a studying sickness. I trust James that he should not be loaded up with medications if he does. Is he in a position to participate in greater with you in an overly quiet room with none distractions or interruptions? He are not able to be feeling too well being when compared together with his siblings: his sisters sail via college, but he's having disorders. Don't punish the boy. Why such strain on lecturers? If the truly purpose is that the grandparents simply wish to peer the entire youngsters why deliver a purpose that's divisive? There ought to be plenty of strain for all of you (adding the boy) and he demands a time of amusing and confirmation that he's OK too. Give him a enormous hug and inform him so. OK. So he's observant. Have him write a everyday magazine access (does not topic how brief or lengthy) each night approximately what occurred in his existence that day. I feel you're doing the proper factor -- the great you'll. We had three sons, all proficient; all with one-of-a-kind disorders. The oldest youngster had Asperger's Syndrome -- he identified the main issue himself as a tender guy after completing graduate college. We all noticed medical professionals, a psychologist, and a social employee -- but this analysis slipped proper beyond all people. I feel in the ones days, little used to be recognized of that sickness. Knowing the main issue would have helped us plenty.

Answer 4

Your son could have some sort of learning disability. But it looks like your plans are to be there and look in on it more than most parents would.

But if he is having trouble in school, I don't feel it's right to punish him either from enjoying family time and get togethers. All you have to do is ask that they have them back home at a certain hour, so you do have that time for studies, or even do the studies before they show up.

So many kids are punished for not being good students, when alot of them that are ignored, have problems that need to be addressed.

Answer 5

I think your son has too learn that good hard work will be rewarded, by the parents and the grandparents. You, as his parents, know what is best for your children. The grandparents are wrong, they should have taken the girls out, they had allready told the girls they would, now the girls are going too blame their brother and you because they didn't get too go out. You need too explain that too those grandparents,. Grandparents are great, and need too be involved in their grandchildrens lives, but they also should know when too back off and let parents deside what is best for their kids.

Answer 6

No its not the wrong way. You are showing your son that in order to get rewardsyou must first do the work. And as far as the Grandparents go you might want to pull them aside and let them know that you and your husband will raise your kids as you see fit and that you don't mind a little advise once in awhile but that you as parents have the final say. Good Luck

Answer 7

That is a tuff one . The child is crying out for something that he's not getting, and since he is not a behavior problem he probably wants something simple
like the adults in his life to stop fighting over who's right .

Count your blessings in this day and age that the Grandparents are close and want to spend time with the kids . That's is what is wrong with all of us now is lack of family structure !

Answer 8

This is an extremely difficult situation you describe. I feel that your actions are going to cause your son to resent school. I do not think it will help him to leave him out of fun activities that his sisters get to participate in simply because his academic performance is not up to your standard. I feel that grades are the natural consequence that result from study habits, so no additional punishment is needed. Additional help would be a good thing but don't leave him out of fun family activities unless you want a kid who resents you, school, and his sisters.

Answer 9

i think that your son should be allowed to go and celebrate with his sisters. and i agree you are punishing him, for something that he may not have control over. now as far as you going and siting in his class room 2-3 times a week. i think that's a little to much. his teacher is telling you what he has been doing.i think by you sitting in his class is only going to open him up for being teased and made fun of by other kids. and when that occur es his behavior is going to boil over. talk to his teacher, get a note book that you and his teacher can communicate in and when she says that his behavior was not that good. then take measures at home. don't embarrass him by sitting in his class room. that's just wrong. as for his messy hand writing, my son went threw the same thing and i watched him for several days trying to figure out why his writing was so sloppy. i found it was because he new the answers and was just writing them to fast. i just needed to remind him to slow down. why not try that, see if it helps. again please don't go to your kids class room. rely on the communication between his teacher and you.

Answer 10

You are doing a wonderful job with your son. The grandparents should have been allowed to take all three kids, but a reasonable time limit should have been set so you son could finish his work.