now he has threatend suicide...has been through bankrupsy etc...the second he got more credit he adds it up..he is a sweet guy but I don't think bailing him out is really helping..he never says thankyou and jsut expects help, I am sick of it...worst part he is almost 50. I see no end to this...help!!!!
2006-10-22 06:14:25 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He's only acting this way because you always bail him out stop it threats or not and if you think that he may really try suicide put him in an institution for the insane.
2006-10-22 06:18:53 · answer #1 · answered by Mrs. Butler ♥2 B♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an example of someone who is an "eternal adolescent". He is very childlike, and is not accepting the responsibilities of being an adult.
This goes beyond simply a money problem . . . it is a psychological problem that he has. He needs to get in to see a psychiatrist, or perhaps a physician first so he can be evaluated.
Above all, you should not feel guilty for holding him accountable. It is not your responsibility to always bail him out of trouble. There is a difference between compassion and kindness, and enabling someone. Take a stand and let your husband's brother know that he has to change.
2006-10-22 06:23:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your brother-in-law needs professional help--seriously. He really needs to talk to some sort of therapist especially if he is threatening suicide. You need to take immediate action.
He is taking complete advantage of you and your husband. He continues his behavior because he knows that someone else will pick up the pieces for him. Trust me, he is not going to change his ways on his own. He will continue to live beyond his means.
Your b-i-l might have the same problems that an alcoholic or drug addict has. He doesnt realize that he is causing harm to others so he doesnt think there is anything wrong. But it will only be a matter of time before he drags you and your husband down with him.
You are right. Bailing him out does not help him or you. You cant feel sorry for him; you have to look out for yourself. He won't stop on his own. Lay down the law and say that you are not covering for him anymore and that he needs to seek out professional help pronto.
2006-10-22 06:26:07 · answer #3 · answered by sothere! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
By bailing him out, you are enabling his behavior. Tell him you can't afford to support him and your own family. Your family comes first. If he can't accept that, then he doesn't care about you, only your money! Sounds like he needs some professional help, not just mentally but also perhaps he should work with a "life coach". I know how hard it is to be given a guilt trip from a sibling. I have a sibling who is always in financial ruin and expects me to just hand over the cash no questions asked. When I told them I could no longer afford to support them, they got mad, wouldn't talk to me and spoke badly of me to other family members. But after a while, other family members were seeing what I had been going through. They too, grew weary of doling out the cash. A life coach can really help him get himself prioritized and independent. He will feel better about himself and will appreciate all that you sacrificed to help him.
Good Luck to you!
2006-10-22 06:27:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is a 12 step group based on the principles of Alchoholics Anonymous called Debtors Anonymous. This is exactly what he needs. As far as you bailing him out, that is called Co-Dependency. You are enabling him to go deeper into his addiction. I would be surprised if you and your husband's brother are not aware of D.A. by this time. The question is what will it take for him to finally admit his powerlessness over the addiction to debt and start believing in this way out which has helped millions.
2006-10-22 06:21:32 · answer #5 · answered by dan_in_la 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ever hear of enabling a person? That is what you are doing for your brother-in-law. He has an obvious problem that needs more help than you or your husband can provide. Could be any number of things, gambling, drugs, women - You need to talk before handing over the funds. Hope everything works out its a very sad situation. GOD BLESS!
2006-10-22 06:19:40 · answer #6 · answered by HereweGO 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's not learning anything if you keep bailing him out. Let him grow up and take the consequences for what he does. He's a grown man, stop helping him act like a child.
2006-10-22 06:24:43 · answer #7 · answered by IndianGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was going to answer, let him live with the consequences. But then I read, suicide. I think there is more to this than spending. It sounds as if he needs some serious counseling. This is more than you can handle from the simple advise I could offer.
2006-10-22 06:19:24 · answer #8 · answered by marie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just stop. Don't give him another penny, and explain why you won't. If you have the numbers, show him how much money you've given to him, and remind him that he hasn't showed any gratitude, let alone tried to change his habits. Threatening suicide is so childish I was surprised that he's almost 50.
Bottom line, no more money.
2006-10-22 06:19:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't bail him out. As long as you enable him to overspend, he will do just that.
2006-10-22 06:23:11 · answer #10 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋