My husband was abusive to me and my children and we have been separated for three months, although I left him in my mind long before that. I have moved away and started a relationship with someone I had previously been friends with. His living situation is such that he needs a place to live right now and I'd really like to ask him to move in with me, since he already spends a lot of time at my house, but I don't know what to do. I wonder whether it will affect my being able to get full custody of the kids in three months when I file for divorce (have to wait 6 months cuz I moved out of state). Also, my seven year old daughter likes this guy, but she is having trouble dealing with the fact that I have a relationship with him. She is upset that I will not get back together with her dad, even though he was abusive to her. This is so difficult. Anyone have any advice on how to handle the situation?
2006-10-22 06:04:04 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Way to soon to be making these kinds of decisions. Go slow.
2006-10-22 06:08:15 · answer #1 · answered by Belinda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have only been separated from your husband for three months I think thats rather fast to be moving a man into your house with a seven year old daughter. Spend time with your kids they have been abused in stead of being with this man. Have you giving them time to heal ? No you havent.I know you need to have adult company and conversations but your kids should come first.Your kids are dealing with you not being with their dad. Give them some time to get use the separation and the divorce. Dont give your soon to be ex something to use against you in court. If you are not sure if moving the new guy in will effect your case dont move him in. Would you feel better having this man around or your children? I dont think he is worth the risk.This new man needs to find another place to stay until your divorce is final.You can still see him but I wouldnt have him spending the night. I am sure your kids tell their dad whats going on in the house. Where would he be living if he wasnt with you? This new man isnt helping your current situations he is adding more problems. If this man is a good man he will be there for you when things are over.Get use to the idea of being a single mom.Trying to deal with all these issues will keep you busy.
2006-10-22 06:31:18 · answer #2 · answered by justturning40 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if u have proof that ur ex was abusive towards u then u are not going to have any problems getting custody of ur kids. That is the first positive thought towards this. Now as for u dating again, I do not think it is a good idea, it is only been three months since u have been gone, and even though u say that u left him along time ago in ur mind, it isn't a good thing, it is what we call rebound so we don't feel alone. I am a little worried about a man that is with u and has to move does this mean u are going to support him as well as ur kids? I feel u need to stop and think about what this is all about. Ur daughter has every right to miss her daddy even though u say he was horrible to u.. A child does not necessarily understand all the details of what is going on except that u left her daddy and now u are with someone else.. That is really not fair to her.. Slow down a bit and take it one day at a time... Good luck
2006-10-22 06:18:43 · answer #3 · answered by melissa052572 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
STOP NOW - do you realize the example you are setting for your daughter? She is impressionable, 7-years old! Good God woman, she should live with her father. Maybe he has MORALS. Want the 'backlash" - you come home one day, 3-years from now, this guy, (who all of a sudden is having problems) has left you for a more lucrative woman, without children. You walk into the house/apt and find your 10-year old daughter engaged in sex! what do you say? you set the EXAMPLE - if you want an active sex life - make sure the "friend" can afford YOU. Never have the "revolving door syndrome", any man who can get the milk, never buys the cow - listen to your daughter, her mind is clear, she is young, she sees life differently then you. Don't take her down the wrong path, by being promiscuous - remember - everything you do today, comes back to haunt you tomorrow.
2006-10-22 06:16:19 · answer #4 · answered by peaches 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to take it much slower. Courts will look at the stability of the house you provide and if the decisions you make are in the best interest of the children. It doesn't sound like asking a man to move in after you have been dating for a few months fits into being in the best interest. Take your time to readjust your life and get to know yourself as a single woman and single parent. Your daughter needs you now more than ever- she is grieving the loss of her family- make sure you are there for her. PS-You may want to look into a program at her school that will help her deal with her feelings.
2006-10-22 06:20:31 · answer #5 · answered by cat95_97 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down with your daughter to explain the situation to her. You also need to explain to her why you and her daddy can no longer be together. She needs to understand that daddy is no longer going to come back to you. This will be a difficult period, but once they begin to understand you can broach the subject about the BF moving in. If he's around all the time and they like him, they'll get used to the idea pretty quick.
2006-10-22 06:12:01 · answer #6 · answered by Jeff W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
regrettably, there is not any longer lots you could incredibly do approximately who your ex brings your infant around. except it incredibly is volatile for the infant, which that is not. Thsi is the heartbreak for all mothers, and father's too i'm constructive. enable the dad understand which you do certainly no longer choose a decision from the female buddy returned. which you have no longer any reason to communicate together with her, and if he has something to declare, you assume to pay attention it from him. attempt to take the extreme highway right here. it incredibly is perplexing, yet you will possibly desire to be the bigger individual. Your daughter's dating together with her father would be seperate from what it incredibly is with you. communicate giving her the final living house you could, and optimistically your ex might have the flexibility to do a similar. And maximum probable those 2 will chop up up quickly in any case. those issues never final. have confidence me. stable success..
2016-10-15 07:36:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really think you should wait your kids well being should be the priority in your life right now if he needs a place he could find some thing somewhere else or he could always go to a shelter or something besides you dont know if hes the one but you could jeopardize your kids mental health or in the worst case you could loose their custody and imagine what could happen if they stay with the man who abused their mother?
2006-10-22 06:09:15 · answer #8 · answered by Mia A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are moving waaaaaaay tooooooooo fast and if you are honest with yourself you would admit same!!!.
More importantly though...it is tantamount to abuse, to foist a stranger onto your vulnerable children/daughter soooooo soon after ESCAPING from an abusive situation!!!..yes, that would be ABUSE!!
You are being awfully selfish and cruel...If you cant think about saving yourself, then think of your children/daughter...it is wrong wrong wrong!
Your children/daughter has to learn to trust adults again...learn not to live in fear...she needs space lots of space and she needs time in which to HEAL properly!!.
You do also, but you are allowing yourself to be blinded by your own selfish needs...
Give yourself time to heal and rediscover yourself, then you would be in a position to make the best choices for you and your family.
Re your 'boyfriend':
You only seem to have landed a leech thus far and the warning signs are screeming out of your letter!...
Leave him to handle HIS OWN living arrangements...THAT IS HIS PROBLEM.... he is not a baby !
Concentrate on being a good example to your children/daughter. I daresay you would NOT want to see them/her repeat YOUR mistakes.
Be Blessed!
2006-10-22 07:10:56 · answer #9 · answered by tabby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not let this guy move in with you. It will cost you far more than you ever imagined it would......put the kids first, your own healing second, and then the divorce last. You're moving way too fast! Slow down!!
2006-10-22 06:13:45 · answer #10 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋