My wife and I are divorcing, at the first of the year, and after 12 years of marriage, we have 3 kids. Our oldest is going to be 8. How do we break it to him about the changes he's gonna face with us splitting? What is the right way to approach the situation, as hard as it's gonna be?
2006-10-22 04:42:51 · 24 answers · asked by heymrdj1 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Make sure he knows it's not his fault. Kids commonly think they caused a break up and if only they had been "good" mom and dad would still be together. Make sure you and your wife don't use the kids as pawns, maintain a civilized relationship after you divorce and never speak badly about the other parent in front of your kids.
2006-10-22 04:45:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with him, let him know that mommy and daddy are having some problems and that daddy is going to live someplace else. Make sure both you and your wife stay active in the kids lives, the only way it will be really hard is if the two adults involved make it messy. He's old enough to know that things are not good between the two of you, kids sense these things. Assure him that it's nothing he's done wrong, and check into local groups for kids whose parents are going through divorce. Again I cannot state enough make sure him and the other kids know that they are loved and this is not their fault.
2006-10-22 04:47:35 · answer #2 · answered by Kitikat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You choose who breaks up the marriage, and so does your wife, not the child. Tell her you are the father and should have a say in how he is brought up, as a father you know what is better for your son because you have been one. Youngest kids are different to Mum's because there is a sense of 'this is my last chance' or 'this is the last time I see a first step, first tooth' etc etc. Take the boy out on daddy/son dates, and take the mummy out on a date without him too. That way you look like the good guy while you wean them away from one another.
2016-05-21 22:24:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is very hard for all involved, you said that you have 3 kids, so why are you only worried about telling the 8 year old? if the other kids are very young that does not mean you should not include them in on the conversation. even if they may not understand. well, you will need to make sure your children know that this is not their fault and that you both love them all very much, and that you will both be involved in their lives. but that mommy and daddy are not going to be living in the same house anymore. they may ask you if you love each other any more, and the answer to that would be yes, its just that mommy and daddy need to live at different houses. good luck! and please make sure that both parents can work with each other when it comes to the kids. this will be a very important step.
2006-10-22 05:02:13 · answer #4 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry 4 u both.
Assuming u & your wife have done absolutely everything humanly possible to make it work & it's just not gonna happen, you'll have to be super gentle w/ your kids when you tell them. U & your wife should break it to them together, to keep each other strong & to show your kids that u both love them. Reassure them that this has nothing to do w/ them, it's not their fault, it's u & your wife's fault.
Your love won't ever change for your kids, the only thing that will change will be your residence. Try to avoid making it up to them by buying them presents. That does them no favors, believe me. Just spend as much time w/ them as possible. They'll be in a fragile state for a long time. Hang in there.
2006-10-22 04:52:32 · answer #5 · answered by Rocker Chick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that mom and dad want to live apart now. Tell him that they still love him and the other kids, but they don't really love each other as much.
Make sure he knows that there is nothing that any of the kids did to bring this on. Tell him it is a parent thing-not a kid thing. Tell him the parents are divorcing each other, but they will both love the kids and nothing will ever change that.
2006-10-22 04:48:30 · answer #6 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are so many books out there to help you and him with this change in life. As long as you keep reassuring him that it isnt his fault and you both go through the process without anger and blame you will be fine. Kids adjust and its better for them to be raised with happy un married parents and not angry bitter parents. Good luck it will all work out..change is never easy but is quite often the best solution.. Believe me they will thank you one day... kids who's parents 'stayed' together for them....do not thank their parents and say they knew all along that they were together just for them and that made them feel guilty and bad their whole life. You are doing the right thing.
2006-10-22 04:59:26 · answer #7 · answered by Lynne B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do it together. Do not argue in front of him. Tell him you both still love him, it is you guys who made the mistakes not him. Answer All his questions and remember that you guys may be divorcing but you are still in this together. Suck it up and do the best you can for him. Don't EVER put him in the middle. Always make sure that he knows you both love him, and keep a united front. If one of you only see's him on weekends you need to stay informed and not spoil him. Be his parents not his friends.
2006-10-22 04:47:26 · answer #8 · answered by cosmiccastaway 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you already know about living arrangments, then just sit down with him TOGETHER and explain what will happen (ex. You will live iwth x and go to see y on the weekends etc...)
Make sure he knows that your split has nothing to do with the kids and you will both be available whenver he needs you either in person or via the telephone. The important thing is that you talk to him together.
2006-10-22 04:47:44 · answer #9 · answered by jeshzisd 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, to bad...really! You can make yourself feel better by saying "oh well, everyone else is getting a divorce, it is common practice now adays" "all the kids, friends, parents are divorced" Its nothing new to 8 year olds! Who knows, Your kids may even like their new daddy. Good Luck, Love Le.
2006-10-22 05:07:25 · answer #10 · answered by sterlingheightsgurl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋