Pornography. Am I addicted and can my wife forgive me?

Question

I have alway looked ocasionally, but in the last couple of months it has been excessive. An hour or two a day (almost daily) looking at 18-22 yo girls with no contact. I did not consider it cheating because I never thought of any contact, just looking. I have looked at it and avoided quality time with my family. My wife has found out and wants to leave me. I want to change it, and I am determined to change it. Can or should she forgive me? Our relationship has been rocky for quite some time, but I want to stop being selfish and fix our relationship. Is it possible???

Answer 1

Yes, she should forgive you..
If she was smart, she would join you even though it
was not really something that turned her on....

Answer 2

Well, I have dealt with the same thing concerning my husband. He actually probably looks at Porn as much or more than you. I've gone through the thoughts of wanting to leave him, the begging him to stop, the reasoning with him that it makes me feel horrible and therefore causes problems in our relationship...but in the end, he has never stopped. I can't say that I'm happy, but I guess I've sort of become numb to it now.

With that said, I think it is WONDERFUL that you are willing to take responsiblity for your addiction and that you want to try and salvage your relationship. Pornography is an addiction just like Alcoholism, Drugs, etc., so it might be hard to just "quit", although that is what I would suggest you try first. I'm assuming you're looking at the Porn on the Internet, so you could try moving the computer into a common area of the house, or even into the bedroom so that it is in plain view of your wife at all times--this will make her feel better and will take some of the accessibility away from you. In the end, you might have to seek counseling to help you with your addiction.

It IS possible to fix your relationship, and it is DEFINATELY worth giving it a try. Even if your relationship is unsalvageable, you HAVE to get your addiction under control if you plan to have any good relationship with any woman in the future. Again, it's great that you are willing to try! Best of luck to you!!!

Answer 3

Well I can understand both sides. It is good that you have come to the realization that this is hurting your family and wife and isn't fair to her. I would try to sit down with her and tell her everything and let her know how much you want things to work out and that you will not be doing this again. You may consider counseling. It really does help to have an outside source to talk with. It may take her awhile to trust you again, but things can be good even after a stent of pornography. Pornography gets to be an addiction and like any other addiction it can ruin your marriage, self esteem. and life. I say try to work things out and let her see what you are doing when you are on your computer so she can learn to trust you. Think about why you may have done this in the first place-lack of communication with your wife? lack of intimacy? Stress? Lost attraction for your wife? Maybe you could write her a long letter opening up to her and explaining al your feelings and thoughts. Apologize like mad!! Be open and honest in the future with her and most importantly know that these things can be overcome and she can once again trust in you.

Answer 4

Hi Im having the same problem right now.I would forgive my husband if he would come clean about it but he lies to me all the time and i cant live like this with lies in a marrage.It just wont work so if i were you i would tell her the truth and try to stop lusting after other women on the internet.Get rid of the computer for her.If my husband would do that for me i would be the happiest women in town!But its at the divorce stage now and he seems to want to leave also.Hes probally found someone new.

Answer 5

If you are addicted to anything, then you need to seek professional help because you are admitting that your pattern of behavior will not stop. It is unfair to your wife to compare her body to an 18-22 year old woman's body - and that is exactly what you are doing, whether you realize it or not, when you look at pornography. Would you want your wife to stare at hunky, buff men with large penises? Somehow I think not. Just take the step and get help. I think that if she is a good woman and that you sincerely rid yourself of this habit, she will in time forgive you. Good luck.

Answer 6

Hopefully your wife loves you enough to help you change. If you really want to change, counseling would probably help a lot.

But the underlying problem is your selfishness. The most rewarding thing on the planet is loving someone else...unconditionally. Meaning you don't expect a specific reaction. Focus on your wife's needs more than your own. When we worry about what we want, we are never satisfies, but when we can worry about our children or spouse's needs we are often much much happier.

Being a giver is more rewarding than being a taker/needer.

Answer 7

U shouldn't be asking us these questions... u should be asking HER.

I hope u can conquer your addiction, because selfish behavior can be a very destructive thing. Desiring something w/ the eyes can very easily lead to other stuff, and THAT is probably what scares your wife.

If your marriage is important to you, make a drastic gesture for both your sakes. Turn off & UNPLUG the computer. Put it out in the garage. SHOW her you're serious. TELL her you'll make it up to her somehow. Spend your free time w/ HER, not yourself. Hang in there, bud. :)

Answer 8

Your problem with pornography will just be the tip of the iceberg in your relationship. It most likely will proceed to more than just looking. It did with my husband. First he started occasionally viewing (gay) porn. Then it progressed to a collection of 4-5 tapes that he viewed when I was out of the house. Then he started on-line with chat-rooms and IM. At somepoint thereafter it got into mall bathrooms and club saunas. Then he started going to sex parties. Get help now and your wife will most likely stick it out - if it gets worse she can't forgive. You probably are selfish.

Answer 9

You may well be addicted and there is help out there. I had a similar experience with my husband and yes although there was no contact...I felt hurt and betrayed.... I felt I wasnt good enough for him...your wife probably feels terrible right now. Tell her you will go for councelling and go! She could go along to help herself out with how she is feeling. She needs help to build her own self esteem up which you have knocked to pieces. You've made her feel inadequate..by looking at fake airbrushed young women. You need open communication in a relationship...why didnt you share your need for fantasies with her? Buy her a magazine with hot sexy perfect men??? Unless of course you feel you are enough for her? Believe me your probably not! But she didnt see or feel the need to go behind your back to look at other men. You have some work ahead of you buddy!!! Good luck... me and my hubby worked through it... and how the tables have turned..

Answer 10

1. Forgive yourself. This is a natural tendency, because you wish to know how other people look and what is sexy and attractive. You will also find out what is sexy to you !
2. Now that you know what is more appealing to you as far as sex, you can easily explain that you are doing so to improve your present relationship.
3. After the explanation, you can show her what you learned ! The benefits will be worth it...for both of you! You will both be pleased...with pleasure !
4. Now you can say you love HER and geniunely mean it !

Answer 11

Marriage is about partnership and working things out. I think she should forgive you only if your ready to stop. This will be a gradual thing if you are addicted. But it can be done with the right help. Best of luck.