When is marriage over after 24 years?

Question

When there are no more Good night Kisses, limited hugs and no hand holding. Laughter is from tv and not conversation, going to bed at different times, Getting tired of verbal slams, putdowns of beliefs, generally certain points of animosity. Children raised, job done, tired of it all. Ride it out or bail???

Answer 1

it was over after 21 for me..
.
really
it is over when one has done all that they can to save it and the other one divorces anyway!
.
.
Sometimes all that one can do - is not enough.
.
.
You know what you want more than us,

don't you?
.
.

Answer 2

Why do people act this way at this point in their lives? Don't you realize that the hard part is over. Remember trying to save enough money to buy that first house? Staying up, sleepless nights with babies, diaper changes or a crying baby/child. Giving up things you both liked to do together in lieu of doing things for the kids? Remember most of your focus for 20 years or more went for the children. Of course you are tired. But now you can get back to enjoying each other. Find something new to do together. Make a point to talk about a TV show or book - just 1/2 hour for each other. Be silly about something like you used to do. Take a hike together. You are tired of the life you have been living for the past 24 years and you both focused on things other than each other. If you decide you really loved each other in the beginning, you can get into this next phase in life. Give it as much effort as you did to raise kids and get where you are now in life. It all took work didn't it? And you think you can just coast through the next 24 years without effort. Life takes effort.
ride it out.

Answer 3

24 years is a long time to be with one person, are you ready to wake up each morning without her. Can you see yourself only seeing her at your grandkid's birthday parties or graduations?
If you truly can't see getting upset with the lose of your wife; then maybe it is time to bail?

Children raised-job done- I don't think so, but unfortunately you do. When you aren't happy, your spouse isn't either. If you can't see anyway to capture that spark any longer, then it's time. Some people can settle for a room mate existence. You can't and it's not fair that you have to settle. Have you honestly talk to her about your feelings. That you want to hold hands and make out like teenagers in the back seat. Have you given her a chance? Or do you want to?

You deserve to be happy, and if you are looking for the good night kisses, and unlimited hugs-with lots of hand holding-that's not wrong...that's romantic. Now, who do you want to do this with is the question? Wife- yes or no......if you need to go and find your laughter and conversation somewhere else, please tell her first. Respect her enough to do that. Don't make her find out from a friend or family member. Sit her down, and explain that you are missing something that you need, and it's not fair to her or you to stay. Remember you have share 24 years, she's deserves the truth and she also has earned the right to know.

I wish you well, and I hope you find the person who fills all these things for you, I wish it could be your wife, but maybe she can find someone that she would like to do these things with too! Praying for the both of you.

God bless us all........

Answer 4

It take two people to make things work. Kisses hugs and hand holding can be initiated by either party. Going to bed at different times doesn't mean things are wrong just that you get tired at different times. After so many years things sometimes get a little stale. Try to remember the good times and what you used to do. Where did you go. What made you laugh. Try to reconnect with those things. Its sometimes hard to do but well worth it I'm sure. If doing that yourself doesn't work then try a marriage counselor first. Don't just throw 24 years away because things have got a little boring. Marriage takes work. If you go to counseling and things don't work out then you can go from there and at least you can say you tried to make it work. Good Luck

Answer 5

Why bail? Why not get back all the things that are lost. Sit down, have an open and calm conversation about what has gone wrong and if there is any way to get back to where you once were. Twenty four years together is a lot of time to just throw to the wind. But..... if repairs can't be made, then yes, it's time to bail. Everyone deserves to be happy and spend their life with the one they love, cherish and get along with. Sounds to me like open conversation is needed in this marriage. When you stop talking, all is lost.

Answer 6

Too often people rush to divorce. I am new to my marriage. 5 years. I got the best advice from someone I didn't even know. Her advice was, there will be times when you love him/her, there will be times when you hate him/her. The secret to marriage is don't get divorced. Sounds silly but I'm serious. She has been married 52 years. She said that there have been times when she couldn't stand to be around. No love between the two of them, But she stuck it out and the love always, always returned. She is more in love with him now than she ever has been. I say, try to stick it out. Makes the moves for both of you at the moment. Whisper that you love her. Hold her hand, kiss her. You never know what might happen. Ask yourself, what would you do if she wasn't there tomorrow. Go from there and good luck.

Answer 7

Your marriage is over when you believe it is over. If you want to put the romance back in to it, then initiate it. Your wife may be thinking the same thing you are. Apparently, you have been together for some time. I am sure that she misses the intimacy just as much as you do. Pick up her hand, cuddle with her when watching television. Ask her to follow you to bed. Put a new spark in to the life you have with her. If she refuses you then, you will know that she's tired of it as well.

Answer 8

A marriage is over when both parties make a conscious decision that it's over , and to end it. Up until that point, there is always hope. As long as you're willing to work at it, it is salvageable. You loved each other enough to get married, and to keep it working for 24 years, so with work , it can be saved....if you WANT it to. Sit down and talk about it, reach your decision, and then act accordingly. Good Luck to the both of you.

Answer 9

Heard this before, maybe you need to talk to this person about the state of affairs and tell him that it must change or you are out of here. It sounds like someone quit when the other is still in the game. Time to move on that way you at least will not have to listen to the put downs.

Answer 10

Why not try giving her goodnight kisses, holding hand, making her laugh, and going to bed with her at night. Why give up on something that was once so beautiful, and that took 24 years of your life so far.

Answer 11

I suggest you have a serious discussion and talk this over. Do you both want to try and work things out? It has to be a mutual decision. If you both want to save the marriage then both must work on it. If you are not both willing to work at it then the marriage is over and divorce is the only answer.