Need help: having affair with man at work-want him for myself?? Am I the mistress who will never have him?

Question

I am divorced 5 yrs- 3 kids
They are not married- live together 7 yrs -2 kids
We have been 'messing around' since January
He knows I have feelings for him- he really cares about me too
I'm afraid of being too trusting, or not trusting enough because of my past.
He has been honest about us from the start
We both set out to have some fun- no strings attached
When I got to know him better I couldnt stop thinking about him and I know I am falling hard
I know there are other men out there, but this is the one that I want
Somer rumors have started at work
He says he wont leave her even though they are not happy because of his 5 yr old son (other child is from her 1st relationship)
I tried breaking off the intimate side of us - but it hurt so bad to try and talk to him as just platonic friends
We work together and I can't not see him - i do not want to not see him either
I cant do anything that would hurt him or his son so i could never tell 'her'
What do I do?

more things i forgot to mention-
sometimes it seams as if he wants to say he loves me, but doesnt.
he used to see me outside of work 3-4 times a week, now its only like 1x a week

i want to tell him how i feel but im so scared of rejection.

i dont want to believe all of the negative stuff about cheaters. i know thats what it is, but i do know people who started out that way and now they are together.

i never pictured myself in this situation. i have been cheatedon and know how bad it hurts.

what if i end it with him and he is the one who does it for me? physically, emotionally, spiritually - everything! i dont want to lose that.

Answer 1

I've learned when a man says he is in the marriage for the kids it's a line to keep you giving it up without feeling guilty that he is making you his booty call.Funny things have happened & he could one day leave her but are you that sad of a person to wait for it to happen. Trust me you wouldn't want him if he done that to another woman he would do it to you too.

Answer 2

He will never leave her. If he does, he will never be with you. The mystery is over and he's seen you naked so he has to move on to the next conquest with its initial rush of romance and newness and discovery.

Even when the "kids" are 35 he will still be using them as a barrier to keep his mistresses at arm's length. Cheaters say anything to get what they want. And they are sincere and they might even believe what they say - for a few seconds, anyway.

You found an attached man for a reason. Think about it. Love isn't some chemical accident. You chose over and over again to be around this person and then to share his d*ck with another woman - and you never asked her if it was okay or let her in on this huge decision that has a profound impact on her life.

I can guarantee you 2 things - [1] if she knew she was being forced to taste you when she goes down on him, she would end everything in an instant, and [2] cheaters rarely, rarely, rarely change. Your 'man' is not the exception. What makes you think he won't cheat on you? THAT'S HOW HE MET YOU - BY CHEATING.

Answer 3

"How and why do usually smart women get sucked into these situations?" Because they're not smart, that's why. In fact, I would say its the opposite, that they're dumb. It isn't possible for someone to get sucked into anything. There is being forced, as in having a gun to your head or being black mailed, and then there is having a choice. It is a choice to deal with anyone, whether married or not. If a woman chooses to get into a relationship with a married man, and she knows he married, she should expect to get stood up and treated as second class because that's more than likely how she's viewed. Convincing someone that something may be good or in their best interest, is not an example of sucking that person in. It is an example of someone's naivety being pulled or preference being appealed to.

Answer 4

Move on. You are still the 'other woman' and need to find someone who is single (meaning not attached to anyone else - married or otherwise). You are setting yourself, your kids, and his kids up for failure. He's done this a couple of times before and isn't going to stop with you. Most men love the feeling of more than one woman to choose from - isn't it nice to have options on who you want to sleep with today?

Answer 5

Try getting another job!!

You can't really ask questions like you are and expect any sympathy from any of us. Your allowing a man to be a cheater!!

Just keep in mind dear, that if he's cheating on her, he'd cheat on you too. HE'S already showing you that YOUR NOT the IMPORTANT one here.
Get over it and move on. And hopefully move on to a man who isn't already involved.

Answer 6

Suggest you enjoy the time you have with the person you love and because of the child don't expect him to leave, but love him for the time you have with him.

Answer 7

i have found that in this situation, he is most likely lying to get what he wants out of you. continuing to be used by him is only going to hurt you. even if you have to quit your job you need to let him go, tell him that too. cause its not gonna go anywhere and besides if he is cheating on his woman, if he hooked up with he will cheat on you. dont lower yourself and keep seeing someone who obviously has no idea what it means to love and be faithful.

Answer 8

Been there,
It's not going to be easy at all!
Ok you two half to sit down an talk and figure out what you two are going to do...either be together or just friends. You both half to figure this out and work together.

Answer 9

You are a whore who should find someone who isn't attached he isn't any better I don't know why they call the other woman mistress B**ch is the word for you. I hope his girl friend finds out about you and kick your *** like it should be

Answer 10

Hi, Best Thing would be to sit down and discuss it out straight with him. I am open for more discussions. Cheers, Tom, x
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