y i never want to b in a relationship again?

Question

http://www.nbc13.com/news/10115333/detail.html
http://www.ndvh.org/educate/abuse_in_america.html

never in my 5 relationships have i ever had a "good relationship" it was always verbally or mentally or sexually , phyically abuseive. & now that i have a daughter i have to protect both her and me. i have come to learn 2 b alone u cant get hurt bein alone

Answer 1

Ok....

Answer 2

don't say 'never' just take your time to learn to ENJOY being on your own. Some counseling in the meantime can help you get some insight on WHY you find yourself drawn to this kind on relationship, and learn to recognize the early signs. If you think back I'll bet you can find some early signs you should have got out of those relationships before they became abusive.

Figure out what are the good qualities you want in a partner (someday) and do not settle for less. There are plenty of really good people out there, I know it doesn't seem that way right now but they are around. When you heal from your own past you'll be able to move on. Good luck :)

Answer 3

That's a shame, because you seem like a nice person. You'll never experience love on the good side. you'lldie alone and childless.....that's too bad.

Answer 4

Why? it hurts sometimes but good time have always out weighed the bad. maybe with someone else but always

Answer 5

maybe you experience being hurt and your afraid to feel desame again.... jst wait for the right guy girl there still a good guy jst for u...

Answer 6

it's because it takes a lot of effort to build a realtionship, and it gives a lot of pain if it smashes to bits.

Answer 7

Well, I know what you're saying, but please don't forget about Andrea Yates, Kathy Smith and others like them. It happens on a woman's watch too.

This stuff happens because people jump into things they shouldn't. They do things they shouldn't. They say things they shouldn't

Also, I'd like to point out those statistics don't give *reasons why* those things happened. Don't get me wrong for what I'm going to say, it's strictly a point of view to the data they reported and my desire for truth and accuracy......

.....but the data they report gives no reason for why those crimes were committed. There could very well be a significant portion of those crimes committed because the woman cheated, or otherwise played some kind of cruel games that gave rise to severe anger in the guys that drove them to do what they did.....not that that's right. I'm not saying that!

You don't know WHY those crimes were committed, just that they were committed, and that is what is important in data like this. It is erroneous data because it doesn't really TELL you anything.

It's like reporting terrible tragic car crashes (where the driver is the only person in the car) and saying; "there are thousands of crashes annually where the lone driver is tragically killed.". Well, what if the drivers were all *drunk* and slammed their car into a tree!? Doesn't that change things a little bit?

That's my point. Maybe some of the women in those statistics were being sh!tty and drove some of these guys to do what they did. Am I saying they deserved it? No way! But I'm saying people do things they shouldn't, say things they shouldn't, and they get themselves involved in things they shouldn't. Maybe if some of those women were polite and kind and nice, then some of those crimes would not have happened. And if they chose men that weren't some moron red-neck who sits on his a.s.s 11 hours a day watching Jerry Springer and football getting tanked on bud lite the statistics would be different too!

Not too far from where I live, about 7-8 years ago in a restaurant there was a woman that was married and was cheating on her husband with a guy that worked there. I guess she had been carrying on with this other man for some time and her husband found out about it. He went ballistic and went into the place and shot the guy 2-3 times and killed him right there in a restaurant full of people! I don't think he shot the woman, and I think he tried to run away, but was caught. Again.....who was the bad guy here? Her? Him? I'm guessing both. Maybe he drove her to cheat. But did she had a right to go and cheat and still be married? No. If he drove her to cheat, and if he was a lousy guy and a miserable person she should have divorced him, and THEN started up with whomever. Did they guy go 'off' because he was so hurt and so angry that it was a crime of passion? Maybe yes, maybe no. Was he the innocent one, or was she? Like I said, neither one had their act together. They both had dirty hands is what I think it the most likely conclusion. But it's not about blame, it's about doing the right things and people making GOOD, ethical choices.

Do you see my point?

Statistics like that are terribly misleading. People that put those things together have no business reporting information whatsoever in my opinion. It is irresponsible and does more damage than anything else. Look at what it does so someone with your mindset?! You don't ever want to be in a relationship again because of garbage like this. You placed a life decision on extremely poor reporting, and yes you have experiences that bring bad things to your life but WHY is that? Do YOU take ANY responsibility for any of it? Are you doing seomthing possibly to help along what happens with relationships in your life? Maybe yes, maybe no. That didn't enter into your 'question'. You alluded that is was all bad men.

So you are cheating yourself out of the possibility of finding someone out there that is warm, kind, and loving because some idiot doesn't know how to report information.

That isn't right miss. There are good people out there. Sure, it's reeeeeallll easy to just up and assume that every man out there is a pig. Every man has a gun stashed in his car or closet just waiting to wield it against you. Or that every man is a psycho or rapist or woman-hater in some way.

Not true!

I dated a woman some months ago that was a freaking monster. She treated her friends like crap, she treated her co-workers like crap (when she decided to work), she treated her kids like crap, and she treated me like crap. It was HER problem, and despite attempts to get counseling going, and having talks and so on, it's the way she is. An angry, hostile, black-hearted hell-pig. I got rid of her and am happy because of it. Does that mean I think all women are vane, ego maniacal idiots like she is? No.....it would be easy to do that, but who's getting screwed in that deal? I am. Did I have a hand in things? Sure.....but I didn't make her the way she is, but I dealt with it in as healthy a way as I could and got out. People like her give you no choice but to leave them. They pit themselves against you. You had no choice either apparently, you should have left those idiots that treated you so badly. You should have given them one chance and then kicked their a.s.s out. But you can't go overboard, and I think you're going overboard. There are problems and then there are PROBLEMS. Some things you do NOT give second chances for. You have to be smart enough yourself to know which is which, and you have to know yourself really well.

Well, YOU are the one getting screwed by thinking that relationships = murder and crime and problems.

It takes TWO in a relationship. One person affects the other. One person can't always be tolerant and understanding while the other is a monster. One might MAKE the other one a monster by things they say or actions they take or behaviors they choose.

BOTH people are responsible. People need to take time.....LISTEN to each other......TALK TO each other not AT each other. They need to listen with their hearts not their ears (in one ear and out the other). They need to get to know people. Not a month.....not online, not on the phone, but for months and months, of doing things together, AND the phone AND chat, AND email being TOGETHER sharing things. Different situations. Really getting to know someone.

It amazes me that these idiots know someone for 2 months online and talk on the phone once, meet once and then get married and then within a week either she's cheating or he's cheating.

Idiots.

Don't short-change yourself miss.....that's what you're doing.

I sure do wish you luck because you sure need it.