im gay but dont want to be.what do i do?

Question

im 14 and sort of get atracted to boys and men.i dont think im a whole gay or something cause i even get atracted to girls in my class.even when i surf on the net i search for gay sites.im teased in school saying that i am gay or im teased by saying that im some other guy who is gay.im also paired with a boy who is very dumb and girlish.i just cant take all this anymore.i havent told anyone anything before.i just hate being gay or called so.i want everyone to stop saying that i am gay.how do i make my self get attracted to girls and become a man a real man though i posses some girlish characteristics i cook and clean quite well and i have some qualities that are more likely found in girls.i dont mind that but i mind what other people think about me.some one please help me out.im desperate to stop gay urges and become a man.but I CANNOT LET ANYONE KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ALL THIS i need to do everything on my own

PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!

Answer 1

honey, you are 14...you are just now finding yourself...this is one of the reasons people are unhappy is when we worry more about what really, strangers, think of us..Instead of saying to ourselves, the heck what you think about me, I like myself just the way I am...Ok, you clean and cook well..Well that is great, no shame in that!....Maybe your destined to be a Chef, or a decorator, or organizer, they make pretty good money!...Kids in school were cruel in my day, some 30 yrs ago, and it hasn't changed...My daughter was always thin, and ate like a horse, used to get asked if she was anorexic, she just had her dad's metabolism....Don't let what those kids say bother you...try not to...you won't even know any of them in ten yrs. They do it so they won't be made fun of....Don't be too hard on yourself either...You have a life time to find out who you are...your teenage years will go by like the blink of an eye, may not seem it now, but they will...Like yourself!...All the people you haven't even met yet in your life, are out there finding themselves too, and there will be people who will be your friends because they like you for who you are...Let what people think or say just go in one ear and out the other...If you show them it doesn't bother you, they will move on to someone else..You get your education, and make something of yourself, whatever that is, that would be the ultimate middle finger to anyone who ever made you not feel good about yourself...A successful adult!!!...while they are stuck working for minimum wage and miserable. Be a success, go for that!!!! No matter what your sexual preference may be, you have plenty of time for that later on when your old enough to handle all that...Enjoy being you and young!

Answer 2

Just because you have some skills and qualities that are found in girls does not mean you are gay. All men are not the same. I've always been a more sensitive guy than most guys and I cook quite well but so what. All the great chefs are men!

God gives us all different qualities because He has different missions for us. King David, in the Old Testament was shorter than others and wrote poetry. Did that make him less a man? No. He is the only person in the Bible of whom God said, "He is a man after my own heart.".

There is a problem in our culture that tends to say that if a boy has some characteristics that are "considered" feminine that he must be gay. This is not true at all and I worry that some boys will think it's true. Puberty is a confusing time as hormone levels are much higher, your body is changing and you are having new sexual feelings. We all have to go through that time.

I would stop watching pornography if I were you. It will tend to confuse a person about a lot of things.

One of the things I would do if I was you, would be to start some hobbies or sports that our culture considers masculine. Fishing, hunting, and playing football are all fun things to do, and they are things you can talk about to the other guys.

Answer 3

Marry me and it'll all stop. ;D

Seriously, though, being gay is NOTHING to be ashamed of. Are your own feelings causing the problem, or other kids? If it's other kids, then get over them. Their opinions won't affect your life. Twenty years from now, you're not going to remember those immature kids who teased you when you were fourteen. And this is one of the most cheesy things anyone can ever say, I know, but you really don't realize how true it is: a lot of the time, people can make fun of you just because they're jealous of what they don't have, but you do. I've been told this before, and I thought nothing of it. But it's true. Whether they realize it or not. You might think there is nothing to be jealous of, but there are a million qualities you have. Look, unless someone is just joking around and not meaning what they're calling you because they know it doesn't hurt, name-calling and other types of bullying, physical and mental, is a low, selfish, and pathetic way to express the person's pity for themself. If your own emotions causing the problem, then just tell someone! Seriously! You don't realize how great it feels to get something off your chest until you tell someone. But just don't be embarrassed about it, because it's not worth being embarrassed about. You can't do everything on your own. The greatest challenges need to be overcome with someone else. Think of all the times someone else has helped you in your life. Face it; by yourself, you can't achieve HALF as much as you could with someone else.
As for the cooking and cleaning, don't worry! So many men love cooking and cleaning. The person above who said the best cooks are men is right. This is the 2006! Women aren't the ones cleaning and cooking anymore, I can tell ya that. I'd love a guy who could clean and cook well. I love cooked meals, although I'm not the best cook in the world, and I suck at cleaning. Although I'm babbling now, you'll understand what I mean later, I promise. You're you. Never, I repeat, NEVER be ashamed of who you are.

Also, the word for liking both genders is bisexual- also nothing to be ashamed of!!

Answer 4

First, many younger teen guys have great curiosity about other guys. It is normal that, as you develop physically, you are curious about what's going on with other guys. And, with hormones flowing, increasing your sex drive, it is MUCH easier in most cases for you to see other guys naked then it is to see girls. So, don't convince yourself that you are gay. I don't think a 14 yo can really make that statement at all, you'll need to give it some time.

Second, you need to stay away from the porn sites. I know there is a huge pull to check stuff out. However, it will only draw you in deeper if you start going there. Porn has an addictive quality to it. And it paints pictures in your mind that are unrealistic. Finally, it does nothing to really help with the sexual desires, except to leave you frustrated or feeling guilty for being there.

Finally, I know you said you have to do this by yourself, but it will work best if you have a support network. So, think about an adult that you can trust, and approach that person. You will feel SO much better if you can talk to someone in person. And that person can help you keep things in check. He or she can talk with you occasionally, help keep your mind focused in the direction you want. That person can also be a venting point for you when you feel frustrated, angry or confused.

Good luck, and I'll say a prayer for you.

Answer 5

The most important thing to do is to remember you are not alone in the way you feel in your teenage confusion. Many of your classmates are probably secretly feeling very similar.

It sounds to me that you are being verbally bullied at school and THIS can be something you can talk to a teacher or an adult you trust .

NOONE deserves to be bullied. In my country this constant verbal abuse is a crime you can go to jail for, so no matter who you are, noone has the right to bully you so they can feel better about themsleves
.
I would strongly urge you to talk to an adult about the bullying you are being subjected to.

IF you really cannot talk to an adult about even the bullying then how about trying to diffuse the situation by using humour.

Remember that no matter what your confusion now, you'll need a lot of time to work through your feelings, and only through the life experiences you have, will decide the life you have.

No matter what, all people have a right to exist and be respected

There is nothing wrong in being you and people's mannerism are no indication of their sexual behaviour.
It could just as well be that the most macho boy in your class and /or the bullies themselves are the gay ones.

Answer 6

Dude your only 14 you still got a few years to decide what you like. Try talking to a really good friend maybe a girl or something cause there alot more understating. For the people making fun of you don't let it bother you, cause they may have a secret of there own so they make fun to take attention away from themselves and make them feel better. Also try myspace there's a grip of people who are just like you. Make new friends so you can talk about it.

Answer 7

What somebody think about you will not make you gay!

Just don't put that in your heart! If they want to bully you, they can always find an excuse to do so. Maybe today is "gay", tomorrow is you are too skinny or fat, or black or Chinese. You are right, you are the only person can solve the problem. Just ignore them!

Answer 8

You may want to talk to a social worker at school. (Or your parents if you feel comfortable) You could just be struggling with your sexuality, I'm not sure. If you don't want to go to anyone, try looking at books at the library. Or see if there is a "hot line" you can call or write into anonymously (without giving your name) What about Dear Abby, or another help in the paper.
Good luck

Answer 9

being gay is a choice...if you dont want to be gay dont be gay. but tobe honest with you i would not read to much into anything like that at your age. I am a girl (straight) but alot of time I see other girls and think "wow she is so beautiful" or whatever and I dont really know what you mean by you get "attracted" to other guys but if you look at them and think they have a nice body or that they are very good looking guys that's ok. i mean you 14. with being a teenager comes lots of hormones and it's a crazy ride but like i said dont read too much into any thing like that (being "attracted" to guys) are you being teased at school? if so if it gets to be too much...dont be afraid to tell someone! Just put your foot down and dont take it. I'm sorry you have to put up with that. about being a good cook and cleaner...that's great!! your wife is gonna love you! my step dad does all the laundry in our home and my uncle does all the cooking in his home and really if you look hard enough i bet most of the married men you know help their wives with their household chores. So dont worry!

Answer 10

Just cool down and be patient. you are 14 and you are changing/andvancing in both physical and pyschological ways. that's normal to be "a litlle bit" confused but do not surf on gay sites, this will make more confused. and do not surf on porn sites as well, this also may have a negative effect on you. if you really want to surf on some sex related site, try it on "soft porn" site. and trust yourself, you are not gay my friend be a man!