He grew up in a loving family with siblings and a mom and dad. His Dad died suddenly of a heart attack and nothing is the same. He calls me names, says I'm worthless and a rotten mother. Threatens to kill me, blocks my path, comes in my room at 3am to start a fight. He says he doesn't care if I die and no one would care either. It's as if I don't know my own child. He went to counseling, but he's even worse. I feel so beaten down that I don't defend myself anymore and usually go to my bed and cry. Then he just comes in and says I'm pathetic. I have loved and truly cherished my son. I have never talked down to him, spanked him........I just don't know what to do. He's mean to his sister in much the same way. I worry about how he treats his girlfriend as well. Sometimes I'm so depressed and worn down, I wish it would have been me to go, and maybe he'd be happier with his Dad. Please!! Can anyone help me at all. What is wrong??
2006-10-21 23:21:03 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Yeah, I think I can help. (He is hurting) He is also hurting you and others around him. I would step it up a bit in the way of getting right in his face and letting him know that you have had it, you are no longer taking his abuse. Don't apologise to him for anything, you don't need to. Apologising only puts you in a one down position and that is the last thing you want to convey to him. Be authoritive and let him know that if he can't shape up he can ship off. He is 19 so college or the military should be his aim right now not beating the people around him down that he is suppose to love. Be strong, stay strong, and take no ****!
2006-10-21 23:32:55 · answer #1 · answered by doesitmatter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear yr story. It sounds like maybe he has an anger over his father dying. How did he die? Does or has he turned to drink or drugs since this happened. If yr son has been bought up in a loveing, secure and stable family then the only reason i can see for his behaviour now is the above. I think u must stand up to him and put firm boundaries into place, he cannot be allowed to cross them. By u walking away, u r not facing up to his problems, i do sympathise how u must feel but he obviously needs more counselling or something. Try having a word with yr gp about this maybe he could put u in touch with someone who can help and support u and yr family thru this. Good luck
2006-10-22 06:28:45 · answer #2 · answered by english_rose10 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this all started after his dad died that's the issue. I remember when my dad died all the pain and anger I had towards everyone even myself. Its hard on a kid when a parent dies. He probably blames you, his sis, and himself for his dads death. How long has this been going on? If this was in the last year or so he needs more counseling, and maybe even some family counseling. Was he and his dad very close? Did they spend alot of time together? Its very possible he doesn't know how to deal with all the feelings he is having.
Also you are going to have to stand up to him and set some ground rules for the house. This well be part of family counseling if you attend.
2006-10-22 06:42:46 · answer #3 · answered by kittykat78 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he will be happier with his dad. He is 19, when will you cut the apron string. If he is a threat, let him go, you owe him nothing more. If you feel that he will hurt someone and you and your daughter are afraid, oh hell no, let go. Maybe he is using drugs, maybe some outside help or intervention will help. But if you are not afraid of him, you need to look at yourself, don't be his door mat, don't be confrontational, but hold your ground. You are the parent and if all else fails have him removed. Again if your sanity or well being depends on if he is around you, then remove him if it isn't what YOU want. You can continue to love him afar. Maybe he is just trying you. Don't be his victim, no, not now and I pray the best for you and your family.
2006-10-22 06:31:26 · answer #4 · answered by Bethy4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The boy is depressed,totaly lost,feels unwanted in the society he is living,because of that, he takes it off on you. He is actualy suffering more than you are, and feel sorry for him, he knows not what he is doing.No type of counselling will change him, even if you go to the best master of counseling, it wont work. the solution is , Present your case to Jesus Christ , through him, what ever is impossible with man is possible with God. My son was almost like that, but he is a changed boy now ,At first it was HELL. I would pray,nothing seemed to happen,little did I know that God was working with him, he now goes to church,has resumed his studies. Do not get tired of praying daily for your son even if it seems nothing is happening. the devil may tell you to quit it, but persevere and do not give up. PRAY through Jesus Christ to the Lord our God, He is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the End.
2006-10-22 06:44:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he could benefit from another try at counseling. Not every counselor is skilled, and even some very skilled counselors don't connect with some of their patients.
The death of his dad (your husband?) seems to have profoundly affected your son. I'm sure the death has been a great blow to you, too, and your behaviors may have changed in ways that you don't realize. If you have not gone in for counseling yourself yet, I would recommend it. It could also help if you are able to do family counseling with you, your son, and your daughter.
Good luck!
2006-10-22 06:31:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the changes occured after the death of his father than that's the cause. It must have caused him so much pain and distress....I know this isn't always what you want to hear, but take him to a psychologist. It might be that his repression of sadness and anger over the death is causing him to behave this way. A doctor can help (not necessarily with medication) but with theropy to relieve him of his stress and help him to control himself and to release all of the pain.
2006-10-22 06:26:35 · answer #7 · answered by xxxdarksakuraxxx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For a boy the father is everything maybe he blames U for Ur husbands death!!! I dont know what U should do!! But dont make something that would hurt him even more!! He is at 19! He feels that he is the boss now and he doesnt know how to act!!!
U should check his friends to!!
2006-10-22 06:40:32 · answer #8 · answered by L...A... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
o god its realy the worse part 2 have such a child who dont respect mother 4 this u cant be cryin everytime u have to be "nargis of mother india" dont kill him but kick him out of the house 4 few days until he learns a lesson hope he changes n be the sweet son take care.
2006-10-22 07:00:54 · answer #9 · answered by arshi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick him out, he is on drugs and has no respect for anyone not even his mother or himself, what is wrong is that you are a soft touch and let him be like this
Kick him to the kerb sister, when he wakes his ideas up maybe you will let him back.
2006-10-22 06:27:07 · answer #10 · answered by angle_of_deat_69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋