We argue (or bicker) several times a day, mainly about the following... he gets mad/grumpy when I don't do what he wants (even something as simple as me watching a tv prog that he doesn't like even when he isn't in the same room), he gets p****ed off if we don't have sex when he initiates it, p****ed off if I don't work enough, pi****ed off if I don't do enough housework etc.
He got himself into debt before I met him, he took a loan from his mother a few months ago & told her that I would be paying it back to her each month even before he let me know about it. He says Im being selfish to have issues about that as it makes no difference where the money comes from, as my money is his money & his money is my money. (Which I would agree with as he pays nearly all of the bills, but I'm not "allowed" to spend any money on anything without his consent first which I hate.)
If we have a big argument, he throws me out of the house & takes my keys, the list is endless...
Should I stay?
2006-10-21 22:27:51 · 26 answers · asked by Cori 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel that I should add that I am not perfect either - he often has a fair point in what he says (e.g. not working enough when we haven't got enough money.)
We have talked about it all & it often ends up in him saying that we both need to change in order to make things work & that hes sorry for being such an idiot.
I just wonder if it's a case of the "grass always beeing greener" elsewhere when that in reality this is as good as it gets.
2006-10-21 22:53:32 · update #1
do you really need to ask the question?
your not happy, your in a relationship where you have no control over anything!
why are you still with him?
you can do sooo much better than this!
do you believe that this is what life has to offer you? no more, no less?
get out while your still emotionally strong enough!!
good luck xxx
2006-10-21 22:56:00 · answer #1 · answered by Mrs Chicagosgirl!! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man has serious power and control issues. If you want to stay with him, you'll have to explain that he cannot take your keys and throw you out of the house and expect you to ever speak to him again.
You need to renegotiate a permanent change in your relationship with him so that both of you have power. Tell him that he must support you totally, and you won't work at all for the pleasure of your company so that he won't have any reason to complain about you not working. Then, take any money you earn and save it for yourself.
Do one thing right all the time. Either give him sex all the time or clean the house all the time. Then, if he complains about anything, fall back on your one perfect area and tell him that you can only do one thing right so he has no reason to complain.
If he still can't manage to appreciate you, dump him. Whether you ever find another man or not, this one isn't worth the aggravation he causes.
2006-10-21 23:41:18 · answer #2 · answered by nora22000 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you already know what the replies are going to be because you have made the first step in realising that you don't want to be this person!! Who would!! Hes a totally jerk, selfish, immature, waste of space. This man does not love you he wants to control you, wheres the 50/50 in the relationship hes got the 99per cent control here. I know its hard and scary but the best think you can do is let him throw you out by the sounds of thinks financially you can run your own place !! Why do you want to be with someone who gets p******d off at the slightest thing. Say goodbye now!!
2006-10-21 22:44:31 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa P 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love really is enough. However, the relationship you are describing is not a healthy loving relationship. When you truly love someone you don't argue,bicker. or belittle over the others short comings. You use each other's strengths, communicate effectively, and problem solve together in order to strengthen the relationship. Control is a big issue in this relationship. Control of money, control of emotions, etc. That is not healthy.
2006-10-22 01:50:15 · answer #4 · answered by heartwhisperer2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hell no. do u really want 2 live the rest of your life like that. I no i wouldn't. ur a big girl and u don't need that. As hard as it may b, u need 2 realize that u don't need that and things r only going 2 get worse as time goes by. U r your own person and no one else has the right to have that much control over u. Look at the big picture. Good luck
2006-10-21 22:33:00 · answer #5 · answered by megcheeker 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'd better say you are already married! there is no difference, just say it this way - you have been married for 5 years and now you are starting to realize things that couples start to realize after 5 years of marriage. Do you love him? that is the first and last question you have to ask yourself. There is one thing I want to tell you - you are going to face similar problems with any guy in the world after a few years living with him, so the only criteria that matters in this case is Love. If you love him stay with him, but when you realize that you don't love him any more don't stay with him - move on, life is too short to spend it with somebody that you don't love even if he treats you like princess.
2006-10-21 22:46:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
should you stay? depends on whether your mental or not! he's a total control freak and doesnt deserve your love. if you was treating him like this do you think he would stay? how dare he tell you what to watch and what to spend YOUR money on? you have no security clearly and you will end up hating him or losing all your self esteem and confidence if you dont walk. you dont need an answer to this because you already now the answer to it. and that loan issue is shocking!!! he didnt even consult you and expects you to just accept it??? your not a doormat and hes treating you with no respect at all. you really want to stay? this isnt love.
2006-10-21 22:50:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm
NO!!!!
Love is supposed to be a two way thing, and I am sure that when you do leave he will come fawning around and admit to all his faults and promise to change but DONT believe him.
Relationships are supposed to be fun, and nice, they are not without the squabbles, but I think yours a just a bit extreme.
Leave, be alone for a few weeks, then find someone else and be happy. It really is a better option.
2006-10-21 22:34:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
GET OUT OF THERE NOW! This guy doesn't seem to love you. He's using you as his emotional punchbag. Couples do things together alright, but this "man" does what he wants and expects you to do what he says and bow to his wishes. This is not any kind of life for you. Everybody deserves happiness with their loved one. You've given him 5 years of your life, and he's throwing it in your face. He's treating you like a skivvy, and makes decisions based on what he thinks is best, without even considering your feelings! It's time for you to try and live your life for YOU and not for this waster. Sorry to put it so bluntly, but you need to get some happiness back in your life without having to look over your shoulder. Good luck hun x
2006-10-21 22:40:49 · answer #9 · answered by slinky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, you told us what you don't like about him. Now tell us (or only yourself) what do you like about him? Why do you love him?
Then you can decide weather the good things cover up for the bad things.
From only this info it doesn't sound like he appreciates you and makes it look like he's only using you as his maid. If you love him, talk to him about this and see if you can work things out. If not, it's probably about time to move on with your life.
2006-10-21 22:41:43 · answer #10 · answered by IC 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋